Hellobee Boards

First of all, I am sooooooo sorry you are dealing with this! Ignorant teachers are the WORST! I have totally been there!

After Xander was diagnosed with his milk allergy (severe: anaphylaxis), we also caught his teacher feeding him food he shouldn't have AND overheard her being cavalier about it. I ALSO hate confrontation and was really worried about bringing it up to the director for fear of the teacher treating my son differently, but this is definitely the topic you need to take a stand on! Food allergies can be life or death for your child and teachers need to take it seriously!

I went to the director, sweating and shaking because I hate confrontation, and just told her what had happened and what I had overheard the teacher say and was just really emphatic about the importance of the teachers taking my direction with food. The director was 100% on my side and said they'd give ALL the teachers re-instruction on dealing with food allergies and following parents instructions/preferences. And the director also made it clear that part of their job as a daycare was to make parents like me feel like our children are SAFE and that our instructions are being followed and that that's the kind of care we're PAYING for, so we should never feel like we have to pick a fight with the teachers, especially about something as important as food!

Sometime after I complained, the teacher I had issues with no longer worked there. I don't know if there was any correlation to my complaint and her leaving, but her replacement was 100% better with dealing with my son's food allergies and made me feel soooooooo much more comfortable with him being in her care! It made me feel glad that I had complained about the previous teacher because the kind of care my son was receiving from the new teacher was what it should've been in the first place!

ETA: Hugs to you and your children's food allergies. Mine are the same. One is allergic to milk and the other is allergic to peanuts and tree nuts. So I 100% understand what you're dealing with!

@HappyBaker: My first incidents with this specific teacher were before we even knew he had food allergies! I told them that I wanted to be the one to introduce new foods to him and let them know what was safe to feed him and she just totally disregarded my instructions and fed him other things. And then we found out he was allergic to milk! Definitely go with your gut and have a talk with the director!!

I would use the phrases "deadly allergy" and "he or she could possibly die." Sometimes that's the only thing that reminds people of the potential repercussions. And I would mention the daycare teacher by name, quote what she said, and stick to the facts.

I have to have the same conversation with my ILs today, actually and we had the same conversation last week! Somehow they do not understand, "Nut-free household" .... Even though their son/my DH has a severe peanut+tree nut allergy and their grandson likely does too! (Suspicions via breastmilk).

I don't think teachers should share food with students- allergies or not. That is a little too intimate in my book.

Agree with looch to write down what you want you to say. I would also suggest naming names and being as specific as possible just so everyone is clear. I like the way you all handed the cracker/ Benadryl situation. Come armed with recommendations and solutions in case you aren't hearing satisfactory resolutions.

I always like to think of a complaint or critique as a way to help an organization improve. Don't worry too much about you coming off confrontational. They want your business and this just helps them keep it.

@HappyBaker: sorry you are dealing with this. Daycares sometimes are bet insensitive to the needs of each child as an individual. Definitely have a talk with the director and also tell the teachers yet again that your LO should not be given any food that you didn't bring for them

@PinkElephant: definitely this! My DH remembers telling a babysitter that he could not eat the PB&J sandwich she made for him (he was at her house), and he had to ask her to bag it and throw it away.

One more thought - would it be possible for you to leave a box of allergy-safe treats (some kind of pre-packaged granola bar, maybe, or sweetened puffed rice bars) that your kiddos don't get every day at school for days when treats are being brought in?

As an example, for my DD's birthday recently, I sent grocery store cupcakes into school (so they had a label, and would have noted that they contained dairy, did not contain nuts, but did not come from a nut-free facility) - I feel like this is a place where there is room for error, especially in your older DD's case. A well meaning teacher who doesn't totally "get it" might give her a cupcake trying not to let her feel left out. But if you have a stash of treats there for her, and everyone knows that the rule is your kids don't eat outside food, NO MATTER WHAT, then hopefully no one will waiver or feel like they need to "make a call" on your behalf. Not sure if the teacher sharing the muffin was ONLY offering it to your DD or if everyone was getting bites, but if she was sharing with everyone, I can kind of see how she might have (wrongly) thought it wouldn't be a big deal. Having your own stash of treats drives home the point and shows that you're trying to help the teachers do the right thing (and still get to feel like the "nice guy", which it sounds like is inappropriately important to this teacher).

@HappyBaker: This really makes me angry for you. Our school is nut-free and there is a child in my daughter's class with severe allergies to at least 10 foods. Teachers absolutely are not able to bring outside food in and share with kids, everything has to be store bought with a label (exception would be fruit, cheese, etc. but still must come from the store). We even have to have H wash her hands/mouth if she ate anything in the car (like CFA nuggets or granola bars). So that these teachers are not taking it seriously is a big problem. Don't worry about the confrontation, because this could be life or death, not only for your kids, but for others as well.

The food allergy/safety and not following regulations part of this is awful and unacceptable. What makes me even more irritated, though, is the teacher's response making you into the "bully"/unreasonable one! That would make me SO mad and is so childish for someone I am trusting with my kids. Just ugh.

I would approach the conversation very matter of factly. Explain "if my kids has x, y could happen" and go into all the details. My experience has been that if you describe all the repercussions people take it more seriously. Then you can say why what happened this week is totally unacceptable, and moving forward what you expect them to do (ie not give anything that wasn't explicitly approved by you/call and ask about something they haven't gotten directions about). I would also give this talk to each teacher/assistant directly.

wjen I filed a complaint about a teacher showing my son (kid friendly) videos on her phone I was matter of fact and kept emotions out of it. I just stated what I witnessed and that it had been going on for a few days in a row and that I thought it was unacceptable since I'm not paying for someone to give my son screen time. She actually got defensive and never admitted to any wrongdoing but I still am glad I spoke up. Good luck!

@HappyBaker: you can cry. I think I cried every time I talked to the director about a problem with my kid at school (school related). Emotions run high when it's about your kids. It's okay.

@HappyBaker: I cried when I talked to the director about the teacher & food issues we were having. It's understandable!

I also think some of the older teachers have more of an issue following parent suggestions/preferences. The teacher I had an issue with was older too. She was just totally against everything I wanted for my son with regards to food (made snide comments about me not starting solids until 6 months, made snide comments about breast milk not being nutritious or filling, made comments about not sending in ENOUGH breast milk, and then fed him things behind my back and made snide comments when she was caught doing it). I think sometimes if they've been doing it for a long time, they can be set in their ways and having to change for because of newer guidelines or the increase in food allergies is hard for them! But it's still SUPER IMPORTANT that they do it!!!

@HappyBaker: In case you're curious about my teacher/food drama:

http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-upset-you
http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-they-did-it-again
http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/update-ugh-they-did-it-again

I'd forgotten, but apparently all this occurred before I had even discovered my son's milk allergy! I can't even imagine what would've happened if they had given him something with milk at daycare before we discovered his allergy. His very first introduction to cow's milk caused an anaphylactic reaction and we had to rush to the ER!

@avivoca: I think I know why. I teach in a daycare and the turn over in this industry is crazy. So an employee who stays and does enough things well is hard to turn away. They need bodies.

But that is so disrespectful. We are supposed to be a team with the parents! And sharing food with the kids would feel weird to me.

@happybaker: is there another classroom of the same age that they could move your kid(s) to? i'd potentially be willing to give them another chance with DS (since i know how grabby young kids can be...it can happen before you have a chance to react....but still, they should be WAY more on top of it and definitely notify you immediately). but i'd have a lot of concerns about leaving DD with that other teacher, who sounds like she both doesn't follow OR respect the rules that they have in place. you specifically have seen her break these ones (and then make awful comments acting like it's your fault), but who knows what other ones she chooses not to follow?!