Hellobee Boards

@MoonMoon: 8 months is so far out that it’s no big deal. It happened to me 10 months out and I was sad not to have my good friend up there with me, but understood; it was for a baby.

I didn't have anyone back out, but I did have a bridesmaid who was super overwhelmed with the arrival of her third and I (awkwardly) asked if she wanted to step down (it sounds bad but I was trying to give her an out if she needed it!!!). That was maybe 5 months before and it would've been no big deal at all. She ended up staying in the party, which isn't the point-- the point is that it was way more important to me that she feel comfortable and capable, and I didn't want to add to much to her plate. I say you're giving her plenty of time, and it shouldn't be a big deal at all!

@MoonMoon: you didn't mention but it sounds as if you're not like, one of the two or three bridesmaids total. that plus 8 months = no guilt

@MoonMoon: How did the conversation go??

I had a friend back out about seven months out and it was no big deal (over ten years ago) She had just started this super overwhelming job, she didn’t have any extra room in her finances for wedding stuff, and I understood. We’re still friends ten years later. I think friends will understand if you are honest about the reason.

I've backed out on being a bridesmaid. It was a really difficult decision because we're good friends and have known each other and kept in touch since we were in elementary school. I think of her as a sister.

I agreed to do it when I was still in my first trimester and her wedding was set when LO would be around 6 months old. We live abroad and LO had major food allergies that we were just discovering. She was even sent to the emergency room for anaphylactic shock. She's our first and only child - I was a complete mess!

Coupled with the fact that we didn't have a reliable babysitter, I decided to back out. There was no way I could have made her a priority on the off chance that something were to happen to LO. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on the bride let alone actually participate on bridesmaid duties.

At first she understood, but later told me that a mutual friend had convinced her to push me to do it and it confused her I know she was hurt. I never wanted to involve that friend that told her those things, but I was frustrated and sad by it. I think a lot of people just doesn't understand how difficult it is to travel with a sick LO that's still on the bottle (and in our case, LO was on a prescription formula -- and getting enough of it to travel was a pain in itself).

But we still flew to her wedding, I just wasn't a bridesmaid. After all these years, now that she has babies of her own, I know that she now understands why I couldn't do it. But it took a few years.

@MoonMoon: She grew out of all her allergies!

@MoonMoon: Glad you were able to meet up and talk. I think any real friend would be understanding.