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GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
@Mrsbells: Yes, that was what I was thinking but wasn't sure if mrbee had that ability. Hopefully this doesn't become and issue and he won't have to worry about it
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I think it's a really smart idea that should have been used on WB. I go back there every once in a while and can't even comment anymore because every thread turns into some heated debate. I really like the community here and appreciate the steps you are taking to keep it so nice.
coconut / 8854 posts
I think this is a great idea! I agree, I think our community here is amazing, thoughtful, and respectful of each other. I really hope we keep it this way! I think with this going into effect we can nip whoever it is in the bud!
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
"Can someone eventually get out of moderation jail?"
@sunny: Sure it's possible, haven't worked out the specifics though. They'd have to stop baiting other users first.
"If you choose to not approve/post a comment from a user under moderation, will they receive a note from you letting them know?"
@Thehistoryofus: If they're a hardcore troll, then no. If it's a longtime user, then I imagine we'd be in regular contact throughout this process.
"If a member's post is flagged by another member is the "offensive" member currently made aware of the flag? This way they can curb the tone of their comments before having their remarks pre-approved."
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Flags are used for all sorts of purposes: people ask me to fix typos, remove self-promotion links, etc. They are definitely meant to be anonymous.
That said, if someone leaves a nasty comment... they tend to get plenty of replies from other members.
"I wonder if there is a way to know if it's the same person coming back under different names. Probably not though..."
@Bao - We have a number of ways to keep track of this.
pineapple / 12802 posts
How do you determine what is appropriate and not appropriate. Sometimes people have thicker skin than others and what if the comment(s) wasn't meant to offend. I feel like this is a very common concern about a lot of users. There are so many different types of personalities out there, who is wrong and who is right?
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
This is a perfect example of why I love HB. There is always a spirit of fairness and inclusion, while still trying to protect members from hurtful things.
Sounds like a good plan as long as it doesn't become overwhelming for you!
apricot / 280 posts
I could be wrong but I'm going to assume that this is in reference to me. Why? Because every post that I've made since this sticky went up was delayed (who knows if this will even be posted if I'm being monitored… we shall see). If I'm wrong, cool, but if I'm the one who happens to be on your radar, I've gotta say that I think that's downright ridiculous. Is it because I respectfully disagreed with a girl who was trying to pressure her sister into not having an abortion? Or maybe when I pointed out that having a second baby perhaps wasn't the best idea if money is tight with the first? Sorry if I offended anyone, I certainly didn't mean to, but when I read things that seem like the OP is making a huge mistake, I'm going to speak up. It seems like some people here may have WB syndrome where they're a little too sensitive. Personalities are different and we have no way of knowing if a simple reply that isn't meant to upset, is going to ruffle the feathers of someone who should perhaps grow a thicker skin if they're going to use the internet.
Also, Mr. Bee, if you're going to "warn" someone in a thread, I think it would be nice to reply to them when they question why they were called out. You referenced part of my post and asked that I keep the thread civil, which I certainly thought I was doing (trust me, I didn't say half of the things I was thinking). When I replied, radio silence. How am I (and the rest of the users of this site) supposed to know what's frowned upon if you throw around warnings and don't back them up when questioned.
It seems like most of the girls here are really sweet and you have a nice community but perhaps it's a community that isn't welcoming to those with differing opinions or personalities. Again, I'm sorry if I upset anyone with my comments but I certainly didn't mean to. I also stand behind everything that I said so if someone continues to have an issue with that, I don't know what to tell ya. If the moderation team feels that I'm not a good fit for this place then tell me. We're all adults here and trust me, I can handle being exiled from a forum. It wouldn't be the first time...
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
"How do you determine what is appropriate and not appropriate. Sometimes people have thicker skin than others and what if the comment(s) wasn't meant to offend. I feel like this is a very common concern about a lot of users. There are so many different types of personalities out there, who is wrong and who is right?"
@.twist.: If it's a longtime member, I'll reach out personally and we can chat it out. I totally get that some people have thicker skin and some people don't! So far, this hasn't been an issue... I've reached out in a friendly way to half a dozen members or so over the past 16 months, and we've been able to talk through any issues!
If it's a newer member tough, then they will get much less rope. With this new system in place though, they won't be banned... just put into moderation until we can work it out.
cantaloupe / 6923 posts
@mrbee: I would love to get a notice if and when I'm ever flagged kind of like Facebook. Not that I would know how that works.
Side note: so when people go anonymous to announce a pregnancy, do you already know who they are?
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@anonysquire: If there's ever an issue with your posts, then I will let you know!
As for people going anonymous to announce things, yah I could probably figure out who they are. But I usually don't... it's not something I'm inherently curious about.
coconut / 8475 posts
@anonysquire: I've always wondered the same.
I think there should be a "behind the scenes of HB" blog that tells us cool stuff like this;) Like do you know how many times we sign on? Is thee a way to know that?
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@TurtleDoves: We don't track signons. That data is probably somewhere in the server logs (no idea), but I just don't care enough to find it out.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
@TurtleDoves: haha I hope they can't see how much time I spend on here, just kidding I love the idea of a behind the scenes of HB...I've always been so curious about this!
cantaloupe / 6923 posts
@mrbee: phew! Thank you for clearing that up. I guess a number of people here try and avoid my posts because they think I'm trolling. Never would cause trouble here!
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
@anonysquire: I have to admit, when I first read that you were a facebook troll I was nervous!! But very quickly I learned that you are very obviously a normal, sweet, and COOL person. Plus your cats are awesome.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
@anonysquire: I've never read any troll-y posts from you.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@anonysquire: your bearded profile pic gave me the heebie jeebies. But I agree that you seem like a very nice person!
cantaloupe / 6923 posts
@mrbee: @Bao: Ok easy, people! I can't be the only woman with a beard lol!
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
@anonysquire: Sadly, no...I have seen some women with beards.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@anonysquire: I have this picture of when I was 8, I drew a beard on my face with my mom's brown eyeshadow hahahaha.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
<< I could be wrong but I'm going to assume that this is in reference to me. >>
@KissMeCait: I wasn't going to out you, but since you asked... yes, this is in reference to you.
<< Sorry if I offended anyone, I certainly didn't mean to, but when I read things that seem like the OP is making a huge mistake, I'm going to speak up. It seems like some people here may have WB syndrome where they're a little too sensitive. >>
You're definitely allowed to speak up! All we ask is that you keep it civil and not make personal attacks.
<< Personalities are different and we have no way of knowing if a simple reply that isn't meant to upset, is going to ruffle the feathers of someone who should perhaps grow a thicker skin if they're going to use the internet. >>
The "internet" is like the wild wild west and I agree that anyone using the internet should grow a thicker skin.
But this isn't the Internet at large. This is Hellobee. We ask that you keep things civil and avoid personal attacks. If that doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy, then you'd probably be happier at another website.
<< Also, Mr. Bee, if you're going to "warn" someone in a thread, I think it would be nice to reply to them when they question why they were called out. You referenced part of my post and asked that I keep the thread civil, which I certainly thought I was doing (trust me, I didn't say half of the things I was thinking). >>
Civility is more than just holding in some of your thoughts. It's about saying things in a way that isn't a personal attack or doesn't elevate the emotional temperature of a thread +100 degrees.
I put you into moderation because you're a new member, and you've left quite a few incendiary comments (some of which you've referenced above). If you were a longtime member, I would have reached out privately and explained things more. New members don't get nearly as much leeway as longtime members.
<< If the moderation team feels that I'm not a good fit for this place then tell me. We're all adults here and trust me, I can handle being exiled from a forum. It wouldn't be the first time... >>
You haven't been exiled; you're just in moderation. I've cleared all of your comments today and will continue to do so as long as you refrain from personal attacks and keep things civil.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@KissMeCait: I don't think that's true at all. There are many, many different opinions here and we are open about them. We have moms of every religion, moms who breastfeed extensively and moms who choose to FF. We have moms who vaccinate and moms who delay or don't. We have moms who cosleep and those who are against it. Etc etc. These are ALL very controversial opinions HOWEVER we have found a balance on how to respectfully state our opinions and differences. For example: I posted a blog post on homeschooling. I was homeschooled and had a great experience. Mrs. Cowgirl on the other hand is a public school teacher and feels very strongly about taking advantage of the schooling offered - HOWEVER she was never ever rude in stating her differences and in fact her comment on my post was one of the nicest. THAT's what sets this community apart. We are all different but we know how to communicate that in a nice manner.
The ONE instance I had a problem with something you said was when you told someone she shouldn't consider having a baby if she can't afford daycare for two. I believe it was insensitive and not relevant to the OP's original post. Just my two cents!
apricot / 280 posts
@mrbee: I'd like examples of my "incendiary comments", if you don't mind.
I was warned for saying... " I certainly couldn't respect someone who would turn their back on me during an incredibly trying time in my life, regardless of our differing beliefs.". I can't understand how that is in any way offensive.
@Mrs. Pen: You're probably right. I should have just kept my mouth shut. It's just difficult to keep hearing about people who continue to reproduce when, financially speaking, they probably shouldn't. Someone normally ends up picking up the slack and it's often times not the parents (not saying that this is the case with that poster, just in general). I'll be sure to keep those opinions to myself in the future.
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
@KissMeCait: This is a very welcoming community - I think by the very nature of a pregnancy/parenting blog (unlike, say, a wedding blog) people tend to be very supportive and really contemplate responses to posts before posting. I have been a member of another internet community where members were pretty abraisive - that's definitely not HB. TTC, pregnancy, and parenting are all super stressful, so why be a member of a site that's anything but supportive (in my view, anyway!) People DO offer differing viewpoints and opinions AND say what they feel, it's just done in a very civil way. Once you are around here for a bit, I'm sure you will agree this is a really warm community!!
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
<< I certainly couldn't respect someone who would turn their back on me during an incredibly trying time in my life, regardless of our differing beliefs >>
@KissMeCait: Were you implying here that if you were the OP's sister, you couldn't respect her?
<< It's just difficult to keep hearing about people who continue to reproduce when, financially speaking, they probably shouldn't. >>
In my experience, most prospective parents don't appreciate being told they shouldn't reproduce. I understand that it may be difficult, but this is a parenting site and a bunch of us are going to be reproducing.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@KissMeCait: Well this is coming from a girl who probably wouldn't be viewed by others as "financially able to reproduce". I'm not working because I couldn't make enough to cover childcare, so DH is our only source of income. He's still entry level and paying of his loans from his masters so what we take him barely makes ends meet and we literally have nothing leftover each month... but you know what - it doesn't matter! My family makes me SO happy. And if anyone ever told me I shouldn't have had Cobi because of how we're struggling now, I wouldn't stand for it and cut that person out of my life.
And no, we don't make or ask our family/friends to pay for our child. Also, I wouldn't ever allow someone to tell me I shouldn't have another child because of our financial situation. It'd be tough if I got pregnant - sure - but I WOULD make it work and my family would not suffer because of it. And I know for a fact that thehistoryofus wouldn't do that either. She is a responsible parent. What you're referring to seems to be people who take advantage of government handouts and don't work - those types of people don't really frequent hellobee. Hellobee is a very upstanding community of families who work hard and are great parents. I suppose even if your comment was directed to people who do take advantage of "the system" and their family to pay for/raise their children, then it still wasn't fair to assume that thehistoryofus was one of those people. I understand you're new here, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
I would just hate for HB to lose it's positive community vibe - we're all here to support each other!
Thanks for your respectful response.
apricot / 280 posts
@mrbee: "@KissMeCait: Were you implying here that if you were the OP's sister, you couldn't respect her?"
No, I was not. I was saying that I couldn't respect someone who would turn their back on ME during a difficult time. And I couldn't.
"In my experience, most prospective parents don't appreciate being told they shouldn't reproduce. I understand that it may be difficult, but this is a parenting site and a bunch of us are going to be reproducing."
I'm sure they don't but sometimes people should think about the big picture before having additional children, especially when finances are an issue. I'm not talking about the poster who sparked this whole thing, just in general.
Anyway, could I get some examples of my other "incendiary comments"? I'm genuinely curious about the other things that I've said that could have upset or offended someone (prior to this thread, of course).
OT but it would be nice if this site offered a PM function so that all of this commentary didn't have to be out in the open for all to read. Just a suggestion.
papaya / 10570 posts
@mrbee: I think this is a really brilliant idea and is one of the many reasons I totally WOULD pay to subscribe to Hellobee (sorry - I didn't get chance to reply yesterday and the post is closed now!). Thank you!
apricot / 280 posts
@Mrs. Pen: Fair enough. I'm sorry if I upset you (or anyone else for that matter).
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