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cantaloupe / 6669 posts
I think this is a great policy. I for one think Mr & Mrs Bee do an amazing job fostering an awesome community here.
I know I have ventured into iffy territory myself - the Internet makes it so easy to do that. So I would agree with others that it would be very nice to know if I have been flagged for something.
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
I look forward to how this will all play out, I'm hoping this community stays as great as it has been as long as possible!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@daniellemybelle: same! I'd love to know if I was ever flagged.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@KissMeCait: Can I just say that to be 100% honest, when I read a lot of your comments, I agreed with the principle of what you were trying to say? I think the issue you are having is probably how you worded it.
Everyone here is very warm and welcoming and it does genuinely feel like in person interactions. I think it tends to go best if we talk to each other the way we would face-to-face in real life.
honeydew / 7916 posts
@KissMeCait: On a post about having people working in one's home, you made comments blaming me and my experiences for my apprehension about having people working in my home, and implied that anyone who had a bad experience must be "those who scour the yellow pages", vs your relatives who swear by Angie's List. I didn't even have the energy to bother replying. For the record I didn't flag you, but I was pretty amazed.
eggplant / 11824 posts
I agree with everything Plaintains said and I also do agree with the majority of Kissmecait’s posts and the point she made that it does get frustrating to lots of people when some people take a “God will provide, we’ll make it work” mentality towards their own lives and everyone else’s when in reality it ends up being “other taxpayers will provide/subsidize to make it work for us”.
Mr. Bee is right though that people don’t appreciate being told they shouldn’t reproduce; or that they shouldn’t do whatever it is they want to do, but I really don't think it's necessarily mean, trolling or baiting to tell them your opinion when your opinion isn't "OMG, congrats!!!".
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@yoursilverlining: I just want to say you have no idea how hard it is to actually get government subsidies! Unless you're not working or a single parent (who most likely needs and deserves it), it's hard to qualify. You have to be nearly at poverty level. So I highly doubt that the ladies here are using government subsidies as a back up plan. Sure it may be annoying or frustrating to see those comments but you don't know everyone's unique situation, and the fact is we all do "make it work". It's called finding a balance, budgeting, being frugal etc...
eggplant / 11824 posts
@Mrs. Pen: I wasn’t judging – and I do know how close to the poverty level you have to be to qualify for many different programs and as a big ole’ liberal have zero problem with social programs. You made a comment that “those types of people don’t frequent HB” (people who take advantage of assistance programs). There are “those people” here too – that’s part of the diversity here and some of the reasons people find themselves using assistance programs are the choices they make. The people you pegged as “those people” are probably saying the same thing you do – they are just trying to “make it work”.
Some people make poor choice and I don’t think it’s mean/trolling/baiting to not congratulate them if they do. Some people here feel differently.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
<< No, I was not. I was saying that I couldn't respect someone who would turn their back on ME during a difficult time. And I couldn't. >>
@KissMeCait: So you were saying that if you were in the exact same situation with a friend/sibling, you wouldn't respect someone who acted the exact same way as the OP. Sorry, I don't see your hypothetical as being only about you. Come on now, you posted on a thread where someone else posted their real life problem.
I'm not going to quibble with you. It's not that hard to respectfully disagree with people. A dozen or two posters also disagreed with the OP on that thread. You were the only one that got flagged. The onus is on you to figure out how to fix that.
Good luck.
grapefruit / 4703 posts
I like the idea Mr. Bee, but I am worried that @KissMeCait is getting a little ganged up on here. That being said I love the HB community and their ability to have civil and thought provoking discussions without it turning into the comments section on youtube. Heck, we've even discussed same sex marriage (mostly) civilly.
I think the thing with internet forums in general is that people tend to be super snarky and blunt by default, and so it might take new members a while to recognize that the tone here is a lot different. I know sometimes I want to make a comment and I stop myself (much like I would in person) because I know that it might come out rude. I guess after 16 months it doesn't really feel so anonymous here anymore, and I don't want to damage any of the (virtual) friendships I've made.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
<< Some people make poor choice and I don’t think it’s mean/trolling/baiting to not congratulate them if they do. Some people here feel differently. >>
@yoursilverlining: Actually, I couldn't agree with you more. I firmly support people saying what they think. My main request is that people do it in a civil manner.
I also agree with you that lots of our members have qualified for government assistance - if not now, then earlier in life. My brother drew unemployment while we lived together and I was starting my first company. Without that help, I never would have been able to start my career as an entrepreneur.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@Mrs. Pen: If it makes you feel any better, DH and I make a pretty good living and being in NYC is enough to make us feel like we might not be able to afford another kid. I don't think anyone would look at your situation and say you shouldn't have Cobi or for that matter 5 more kids if you want to.
But if you make a post saying that you have no idea where the extra money will come from for daycare or if it is even possible to make cuts, it can't be very surprising that someone might respond suggesting that you put off having the next kid until you are a little more comfortable financially. I don't know why that would constitute an attack, but I do think that it is important to phrase it gently and with a good amount of sensitivity as one would to a friend in the real world.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@Shutterbug: Definitely don't want to gang up on anyone! I kept the thread anonymous at first for that reason...
I'll just go ahead and close this thread now. Thanks to everyone for weighing in.
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