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@Meowkers: This is tricky to me, because you are the one who has to go through the physical toll of pregnancy and childbirth/post partum while having a toddler and working full time.

To me, that gives you the final say. I don't agree that you "have" to keep having kids as long as your husband keeps wanting them. It's something you need to discuss, and try to see each other's side. But this is like a vasectomy type of issue--ultimately, it's the person whose body it is that gets to make the final decision.

To answer your question--I did not have even a smidge of baby fever before I had LO2. I honestly dreaded going through prenancy and newborn time again. I have a (milder but still terrible) form of hyperemesis where I am sick 24/7, no breaks, for months. Like having the stomach flu. I didn't know how I would continue working and having a toddler. And our first was (and is) a world class terrible sleeper and had feeding issues and MSPI too.

Having said that, I knew intellectually I wanted 2 kids, I just didn't know how I would suffer through all that again and I had true dread and fear in my heart about it. Whereas my husband was ready to try again when I was only 3 months post partum and still in the thick of things.

I just told him he'd have to wait until I felt ready. When LO 1 was 13 month old, I still didn't feel any baby fever or any desire to be pregnant again, but I had a friend who had terrible hyperemesis who got pregnant with her second, and as miserable as she was, every time she would say, well, at least I only have to suffer through this for ______ more months and then never again, it made me realize that I was never going to WANT to be pregnant, but I did want to get it over with, so I decided to just get on with it.

Pregnancy was actually even worse the second time. Thankfully, my husband took over many many duties for me (like all of LO 1s wakeups for several months while I was sick).

However, the newborn and baby period was 1000 better and easier. My second still isn't a great sleeper, but she's not terrible. And I can function fine on 1-2 wakeups a night, just not the 4-6 LO1 did. I actually enjoyed the baby stage more the second time around. I felt much better at it. The stumbling blocks didn't phase me as much.

And I took better and more drugs for the nausea the second pregnancy.

All in all, I wouldn't change a thing. But it HAD to be my choice and not my husband's choice, since I was the one who physically had to go through it.

@Meowkers: I never had baby fever for #2! I knew rationally that we wanted 2 kids and another pregnancy was the only the way to get there (for me), so I just sucked it up and did it. I was not looking forward to being pregnant or the newborn days, but I was also 35 and need IVF to get pregnant so I knew I had to get a move on it. LO2 is 14 months now and my love for her is boundless BUT I'm glad the first year is over and am thrilled that I never have to go through it again.

@Meowkers: following because we are flipped on this issue! although i am 90% on board with one and done at this point ... but still curious what people's opinions are on this topic of when partners don't agree on number on ideal number of kids.

@wrkbrk: For me, I think ethically, when partners don't agree and there is a partner who vehemently does not want another, then it's best they don't have more kids.

It's totally different if one partner is wishy washy on a second, or could be convinced to have a second.

But if one partner absolutely does not want a second, and feels really strongly about it, then I think it's just a recipe for disaster for the partnership and for the child. I think it would cause resentment between the partners and I'm not sure the parent who didn't want another kid would have a strong bond with the child. That's just not fair to anyone.

I think it's a terrible situation to be in though.

@Meowkers: I'm glad I sucked it up! I knew I wanted a second and now I am DONE with pregnancy and nursing and pumping and everything! Also, we are no spring chickens and I will turn 37 in 2017. So I also knew I had to get on it, if I ever wanted it to happen.

eta: but I want to clarify that I don't think sucking it up is for everyone! I wanted a kid, I just didn't want to have to go through pregnancy and newborn period again. It would have been a different story if I just didn't want another child.

I'll be honest - i had no baby fever at all when trying for #2. We reluctantly tried for #2 (it was tough - we were both exhausted from busy work travel and sicknesses) but before trying we both didn't go into it wholeheartedly.

But i didn't feel like our family was yet complete and i think DH would have resented it if i changed my mind. Yes, life was super easy before #2 came along, but i don't regret going for #2 (even though it may not have been the idealistic romantic way #1 was).

Would your DH be okay with waiting another year? Do you think there's a chance you'll change your mind? I'm sorry you're in this situation - it's definitely hard when you're no longer on the same page with family size.

I never really had baby fever with my first or second (37 weeks pregnant). I always knew we'd have kids, and definitely want two. We were not going to TTC till DD was like 20 months (so looking for 2.5-3 year gap). I wanted that gap to feel like I have some breathing room and then DD would be older/more independent. Well, we got pregnant when DD was like 16 months I think? So they are pretty much exactly 2 years apart.

We are extremely happy of course! I think we would've still gone ahead with TTC if we hadn't gotten pregnant by surprise... We just knew we'd want two and not one, so whether or not we were really ready, we would've kept our time line more or less since DH is a lot older than me and waiting will prob end up being harder.

I know so many things will be so much harder with 2, but at the same time, there will be so much joy and blessing. The younger exhausting years will eventually pass, that's what I keep telling myself! If we kept waiting we'd just be older and have less energy anyway.

I had this exact experience. At 3, my daughter was sleeping, she was more independent, and my life as a stay at home mom was finally really fun. I was excited to see her go to school in a few years and to go back to work. We'd been trying to get pregnant the whole time, and it hadn't happened. I wanted more children, but I didn't want to go back to pregnancy, sleepless nights, 5 more years of being a SAHM. So I told my husband that I was done, I asked him to get a vasectomy, and I thought that was it.

And he was heartbroken. Absolutely devastated. He begged me to reconsider, told me that we'd do anything it took to make it easy on me, we'd get a nanny, whatever. And since I did want more children, I reconsidered. And then I got pregnant, and the question was answered.

I knew though, that I would be the one to suffer. I would have to be pregnant for a year, and then recovering for a year. I would be the one who suffered through the sleepless nights (I'm terrible with bad sleep, he isn't). I would be the one fat and breastfeeding, and unable to do all the fun things that he could. I would be the one who had to stay at home for years more, or figure out how to go back to school and change careers with a baby in tow. I knew that after all of that, I'd be happy to have more kids, but I really, really didn't want to do all of that.

And honestly, it was as bad as I thought it would be. I hated being pregnant. I REALLY hated being miserable from the sleepless nights while he was in the best shape of his life and racing his bike every weekend. I hated feeling like my life was on hold to raise another baby. His life didn't really change, and mine did, and it caused a lot of tension and resentment. I have indeed been trying to figure out how to go back to school, and it's really hard to see my older daughter go off to kindergarten, and to know that this would all be so easy if I didn't have to figure out how to balance school with the baby.

As I suspected, I love the baby, I'm really glad to have her, and in a few years this will be over and she'll be in school and she'll sleep and I'll go back to school and hopefully start a new career and be out of these baby years. And I'll be really glad I went through it all to have her. But wow - has it caused a lot of tension and anger for us. I spent most of this year mired in bad sleep induced depression, and I was really angry with my husband the whole time. His life didn't change. Mine did.

We have a really strong relationship, so we'll get through it, but wow. It's been pretty damaging, to be honest. I know how heartbreaking it is for one partner not to get what they want in terms of the number of children they want, but I would honestly err on the side of fewer children. More children than one person wants is pretty brutal to that person.

Not sure I've ever had "baby fever." My first was a screaming fussy one, not one of those easy kids you see sleeping in a carseat. I waited until I felt ready and got my ideal hope- exactly 3 years apart.

I think it is worth it. It'll be hard, but worth it.

Whenever I've seen this issue pop up with friends, time and communication seem to be the solution. I also think therapy is an amazing tool and resource. Having children (and growing our families) is a HUGE decision ... whether or not you agree with your spouse, understanding their motivation can go a long way.

@Meowkers: My husband and I are kind of flipped. I won't get into the whole story, but he's an only child, and I think if I turned to him and said "one and done" he'd be fine and not give it another thought. However, I've told him I want two kids since our 2nd date 13 years ago, and I haven't changed on that. I think a sibling is important, and as he sees me interact with my siblings, I think he agrees on that point. We've only recently begun to talk about it concretely (vs. "at some point/if we have a second/etc."), and I think what's helped both of us is that our son is 25 months and in school five mornings a week. As he gets older and more like a kid-more independent,sleeping well, using full sentences, etc. the idea of having another baby isn't so insane. Even 6 months ago I didn't have baby fever AT ALL. Now I'm not sure I have it, but I definitely am more excited as I think concretely about number two. Would asking your husband to table it for another year be a possibility?

I agree with @wrkbrk: that the person not wanting a child should have final say. To some degree, I don't know that it's fair to the child to bring him/her into the world without two parents who are on board. Sorry you're dealing with this, I know it is so complicated