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I have a similar schedule and solo parent a lot in the evenings too. I really struggled after I went back to work with dd2. What helped was a) lowering expectations and b)time.

I had to lower my expectations and come to accept that we weren't going to always have fancy meals as a family, like we did when I was on mat leave. Easy (scrambled eggs, grilled cheese, soup) was okay. They don't need baths every night. Once I came to grips with that, life became much much better. Also I learned to ask for help. Our cleaning lady and my mom saved my sanity.

Time has also helped. My girls are older now (almost 2 and 4) and everything is infinitely easier. I still want to pull my hair out on occasion , but rarely do I end the night in tears like I did when I first went back to work and was trying to juggle everything.

Good luck...it does get better!

@Ajsmommy: Give yourself time! You will get into a routine and you will get it down, plus it will be easier as your 2nd kiddo drops that feeding and that late nap. I went back to work when my first was almost 2.5 and my second was 4 months old, and I also get home from work around 4:15-4:30. Now mine will be turning 4 and 2 this summer.

Back when my youngest had that 5 pm feeding/nap we did not do the outside time unless the weather was especially beautiful--it's such a short time that babies have that feeding and late nap. Once LO2 dropped that feeding/nap and we were doing the 2-3-4 schedule (maybe around 6 or 7 months?) then we had that whole period free for play and dinner prep.

My kids also eat at 6. I just have a mental plan for dinner (I semi meal plan on weekends and then on my commute home I make a mental game plan of what needs to be done and in what order). So I might come home and put out some chicken to thaw, or salmon or whatever. Then we have from 4:15-5:15 to play or take a walk or go someplace close. Then 15 minutes to get home and by 5:30 I'm making dinner. Kids are in their highchairs eating by 6, and while they eat, I pack their lunches and snacks for the next day, pack their backpacks, refill straw cups, etc.

My husband doesn't typically get home till 7 at the earliest--lately, he's rarely home before 8, so depending on if he's home or not, we either split bath and bedtime duties or I do it solo.

I aim to have all kid-related chores done by the time they are eating dinner. I haven't packed their lunch after kid bedtime in like, 1.5 years. After they are in bed, it's "me" time. I used to just veg watching tv but lately I use that time period to do special cooking or prep stuff for the next night, DH and I eat dinner together, we squeeze in a workout, etc.

@Ajsmommy: big, big hugs. It's HARD. But it will come right with time, I promise. You will get into a routine.... Then the baby will start crawling and trapping fingers in doors/banging head and you will have to adjust your routine! But soon it will be your new normal.

My routine is similar, only I don't get in until 5.30 so there's no time for play. I premake meals when I can, and accept that some days they are eating frozen nuggets and chips or even a Mcdonalds. I eat with my husband after the girls are in bed. I only bath them twice a week and just shower my older DD from the waist down every night (shes not great at wiping). I let the TV babysit the older one while I sort the baby out, then let the baby cry if needs be while I deal with the older one. I drink wine.

Chin up poppet. You're doing a great job.

It's hard figuring it all out, but you will! Mine were the same age gap. I had most luck multitasking like letting LO1 play in the backyard or picnic in the yard while I nursed the baby, two birds with one stone kind of thing. No matter what, the couple of hours before bedtime always seems so busy so just have some grace with yourself, you'll figure it out and even if some days aren't perfect, it's okay!

@Ajsmommy: oh poor momma, sorry to hear you're struggling. Could you gain some time by skipping the nursing session at home and instead nurse at the playground?

I was alone with my 4 for 3.5 days this week and dinners were definitely simple. We don't do baths in the evenings but showers in the morning and then not everyday. I fully expected my 2 and 4 year old to help. They had to set the table and had to choose their clothes for the next day in the evenings.
Maybe you have some things too that you can switch up so life gets a little easier.

Agree that time just helps. Your youngest is at such a hard needy stage.

Even know that my youngest is 9 months old, we can push her bedtime back a little bit, she can sit and play in the high chair and all around much easier.

You just need to get through the next 6 months. Go into survival mode!

If you have a yard or outdoor space at home, I would skip the park in favor of playing at home (bubbles, water table, chalk, even riding bike around the driveway). You'll have more time to do that and can head back inside to make dinner earlier so that you don't feel rushed. My kids are older, 5 and 2.5, and go to bed around 8, but I still feel that after work crunch! They get home at 545 and so we eat dinner right away, and then have the outdoor time. Baths at 7, bed at 8.

I don't understand why you go to the park if you're on your own with two kids and you're stressed out about it? Your DD plays all day at school, presumably outside for part of that time as well, so why push yourself and make yourself more crazy? I mean outside time is nice, but kind of a luxury IMO.

@Ajsmommy: I think its fine if going outside is important to you, but you have to maximize the time you've got. Can you have your daughter's dinner with you when you pick her up, go straight to the park and have her play/eat while your son nurses/gets a bottle, and then drive home? You can keep a picnic blanket, baby carrier and/or stroller in your car to pop open for the baby. It seems like you lose a lot of time walking to and from the park for only 15 minutes of play. It could be as easy as having hummus and veggies and chunks of cheese and ham and fresh fruit packed up at night that you can grab from the fridge. You can eat with your daughter or just have a granola bar and eat a real dinner later.

@gingerbebe: eating at the park is a good idea. I see parents doing that all the time in my neighborhood, but I never think to bring out dinner out with us.

@Ajsmommy: Sorry, I didn't mean to sound short or anything, I swear. What might work then is if you have scheduled park days. I think your daughter is old enough where you can say "if the weather is okay, we can go to the park Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, okay?" And then if she asks on a non-park day, you can say "sorry its not a park day" or whatever. That way, you can drive straight to the park on those designated days and plan ahead for those nights by having an easy snack-y dinner ready to pull out once you get home. If you do that, you can have a nice run around at the park, have dinner at 530pm and then get everyone ready for bed. The only X-factor is nursing your son and whether you feel comfortable nursing in public or giving him a bottle.

Hang in there - it will get easier. I have a similar schedule and my kids are 3 and 1 now. I didn't have time to read all the responses, but what has helped me is going really easy with dinners - frozen pizza, sandwiches, jarred sauce and pasta, frozen veggies, etc. In a perfect world I'd prep and freeze healthy dinners on the weekends, but it just doesn't happen. We've accumulated a lot of outdoor toys, so I try to alternate going to the playground with staying home and playing outside. And finally, when I went back to work, we started letting my 3 year old watch a TV show at 5:30 so she stays occupied while I get dinner on the table.

It got easier as my youngest got older - when his 7 pm bedtime became more consistent, when he could sit up and play with toys on his own, when he could sit in his high chair and eat cheerios when I prepped dinner. But there are still nights where he just sits on the floor crying while I scramble to get food on the table

@Ajsmommy: Get your husband on board and tell him to bring home dinner or have something delivered on one of the designated park nights!

Hang in there, mama! My SIL used to tell me that going from 0 to 1 was hard, but going from 1 to 2 was way harder, and she wasn't prepared. I agree with her wholeheartedly!

You just went back to work, so cut yourself a bit of slack. You're also doing most of this alone. My DH was the one who picked up the boys from day care (and still does) and I'm the one who doesn't get home until 6:30 on the days I work in the city. It's hard, for sure, but once LO2 turned a year old, it's gotten a little easier.

You'll settle into a routine eventually, so give it some time. You'll be exhausted most nights, and hopefully DH can help even a tiny bit by helping you to prepare for the next day. Even making lunches for the next day helps exponentially!

Lots of hugs

@Ajsmommy: yeah I wasn't saying let him cry while eating dinner.. just, if he's crying, you don't have to feel guilty if it takes a little bit to get to him or you're finishing dealing with your older child first. It'll all turn out ok.

It wasn't my experience but I think I also read somewhere that boys tend to overall cry more as infants. So it probably will just get easier from here!

Similar situation and I was very overwhelmed when I first went back. Bc of our jobs and the way responsibilities and shook out, I ended up with a lot of solo parenting of 2 which burnt me out early on. My husband ended up shifting things so that 2x/week he'd come home earlier to help with bath/bedtime, and then work later or go in earlier on other days. Not sure if your husband would have flexibility but that helped a ton.

Besides that, it was a lot of lowering expectations. No more baths on weeknights he wasn't home. Shortcuts with food like @charm54 said - super quick stuff (sandwiches, frozen veggies, soup, eggs), or leftovers.

If I'm being honest, there might be times that are harder than this - when my youngest started solids, meals became hard to make it toddler AND baby friendly AND not end in a mess every night and I wished I could go back to milk BUT over time, more and more gets easier, your daughter will get more independent, and their needs will start converging. At 4 and 2, I'm still a bit frazzled when we walk in the door and I have to rush everything on the table and the 2 year old is crying, whiny, and hungry...but it's SO much easier now than it was at the very beginning.

I'm not at work yet, but I get it. It's hard to say no, I can't come play with you. I think in hindsight maybe I was on the floor too much with my first. Like I started something I cannot possibly maintain.

I'm gonna put my head back in the warm sand until I go back to work.