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We have a bit of this too. My 3 year old has never actually hurt the baby, and really doesn't even make him cry, but she's always RIGHT in his face talking SO loudly in baby talk. I know she just loves him but man, give the kid some breathing room. I hate always telling her no because I don't want her to have negative feelings about interacting with her baby brother..... but I try to remind her to think about how she wants her friends to play with HER. She doesn't like when people get in her face, or touch her when she doesn't want to be touched, so I just try to focus on "treat others how you like to be treated". And I will also say to her "honey, mama doesn't like having to tell you 'no' and I'm so happy you love your baby brother and want to play with him, but I need you to listen when I ask you to give him some space so he doesn't get hurt or upset", to try to soften the blow of telling her not to do something, and to make sure she doesn't think she's not allowed to play with him.

my kids are 3.5 and 11 months. my son (3.5 yo) is all over my daughter ALL. THE. TIME. he tackles her. pulls on her arms, talks loudly in her face, etc. I used to tell him to stop but then it turns out she likes it? everything he does makes her laugh...seriously, even pushing her over. i don't get it.

after writing that, i realize it's not helpful at all.. maybe you can just show him what good interaction is? like "hey instead of poking her with a fork, why don't you rub her arm?" or "instead of yelling in her face, why won't you sing her a song from an appropriate distance?"

This happens in our house too, and I try to strike a balance between keeping the older one totally occupied at all times, keeping them separated physically (like LO2 up high in a high chair while I cook), and just letting some things happen. n LO2 gets pushed down or backwards a lot and cries, but as long as it's too bad, I'm pretty laid back about it.

I don't think kids can empathize until they are much older, so you just have to run interference a lot.

@hilsy85: YES, to bribes (reinforcing good behavior) this is the only thing that helps to keep DS's hands to himself at daycare. It's a lesser issue at home with his sister. And lots of praise and attention when he is being gentle and kind.

Also, this sounds a bit crunchy, but have you tried to attend to your son first sometimes, and vocalize, "Baby, I know you're upset but I'm helping L. now." Because it sounds like he's doing this not to be malicious, but to get attention.

I have nothing helpful to add, and am just reading along for ideas for the future. But can I just say that your son sounds like my f-ing father in law who cannot speak to my 3 year old without screaming in baby talk? And there is nothing I can do about it because he adores her, he's just clueless?
Carry on.

We are experiencing this right now with DS (3 years) and DD (15 months). DS likes to walk by DD so that he bumps her and she falls. Most of the time it doesn't bug her and she stands back up, but sometimes she will cry. He also likes to roll on top of her, but she does the same to him and it's more like a game to them. My theory is if she isn't crying or complaining I let them be. But if she cries I tend to her first and try to not give him attention. After she calms down, I will then talk to him and say things like "Sister was crying can you do something to make her feel better" or "I think that bump hurt sister. Can you give her a hug?" Most of the time this works and usually, if DS is not tired or hungry, he doesn't mess with DD after. I'm trying to not make him feel bad or guilty for his actions. Instead, I want him to see that his actions can hurt his sister, but he has a chance to do something to make it better.

If I think that his actions are more intentional, like DS pushing DD because she is trying to take his toy, I take her out of the situation first then talk to him about his feelings. "You must have been really scared that sister was going to take your toy away." Sometimes he gets it and says yes. Then I'll suggest that he give sister a toy that he is fine with her playing with and since his feeling is addressed he's a lot better at playing with his sister.

We do all of the same things you already do and use distractions as needed. Keeping him occupied with something else that he's totally into like painting or drawing or some other busy activity usually keeps him away long enough for me to get ready or when it is play time together I try to monitor as much as I can, but I also let ds do what he wants as log as its within reason and not causing harm to the baby. I hate saying no and don't do that so much all day long that I def don't want to do it about his interaction w lil bro too. Hugs and commiseration. "This too shall pass?" I hope?

Eta when reasoning w him does work the two I found bat work best for ds is the treat him how you want to be treated and then talking about how big and strong he is. He's usually a pretty careful kid and that seems to work best for him to understand using gentle hands w baby. Aka not grabbing his head while hugging or trying to lie on top of him.