Hellobee Boards

@sweetooth: I'm so sorry that you are having to handle all these emotions! I'm on the very early end of this journey, but I can empathize with what you must be feeling. I know personally, I would be a mess and emotional. There is nothing wrong with feeling and expressing those emotions, and I can't think of a better place than a room full of women to let those emotions bubble up more than normal.

@sweetooth: I'm so glad this yoga class is helping you to face your emotions. I don't think you should keep this in - I don't think it's good for you:

I'm only on cycle 3 so I'm still very early in the proceedings but we had a chemical pregnancy on the first cycle and it has been my complete inability to face my emotions that has made it so difficult. The first cycle after my m/c, I carried on acting pregnant. I refused to unsubscribe to any of the email newsletters I'd signed up to, resolving to reset my due date when I got the (inevitable) BFP that cycle. Of course, when I didn't get pregnant that cycle, it was like having the m/c all over again.

I lost my dad the day before the m/c and I've also refused to face up to that. It all came to a head last night, when my best friend gave birth to her baby and I had to do the same walk through the same corridors of the same hospital I watched my dad waste away in to visit them. I knew off the top of my head that her baby's due date marked 12 weeks pregnant for me - the week we were planning to announce. That fact, plus her beautiful baby plus the hospital.... well...... last night I clung to my husband and sobbed and sobbed.

I should be healing from this now but I'm not because, day to day, I block it from my mind. It's too painful to face so I push it back down and pretend it hasn't happened. It takes something like AF or last night's visit to force it to the surface like a volcano. I'm hoping now it's all out there, I may start to heal.

I really hope they can resolve the physical issue for you. I know DH's friend's wife had an operation (I'm not sure what for) after a good few months of trying and she was pregnant the following cycle. Keep believing.

i feel you. i've been holding most of it in for the last year but am starting to break down more often. i'm constantly holding back tears when someone asks if we want to have kids. i'm on cycle 18 (2 years trying though) and nothing is wrong with either of us, all of our tests came back normal. it's frustrating. as silly as this sounds, i try to plan my melt downs to be at home with my husband. he's starting to know how to take care of me when i start sobbing. if i get the big cry out at home, it helps to keep it in when i go out. that plus i try to avoid those kind of conversations unless i'm willing to cry in front of that person~!!

@sweetooth: I hadn't thought of that. But you know, they must have all been in your shoes. And 16 months is not a short time. I know what you mean though. We're at 11 months and part of me feels guilty for feeling this way, 'cause it's not 16 months or 24 months or 8 years (like a coworker of mine - who spontaneously got pregnant, btw). But, maybe we shouldn't work so hard at being more "deserving" of sadness/frustration/anger/hopelessness. Maybe we should recognize that each month is a different step and with it comes it's own challenges. And that those challenges are real and whatever emotions we feel are valid.

@sweetooth: You're right about trying not too hard to suppress my emotions but right now, i am having a hard time balancing it - between explosions of emotion and trying not to feel anything. I think i will take this period of NTNP to try to level myself out, and be a little more stable and stronger to be able to handle whatever this TTC journey has to throw at me. I have to say though, being here and talking to you guys have been a tremendous outlet for me. I don't have anyone in my life to talk to about this openly, so this really helps to get my feelings out there and to feel less alone. Because sometimes I really do feel crazy - like am I the only one here that is having this hard of a time dealing with TTC?? and i know i'm not, and HB is a place where I feel less crazy, less alone, and I gather my sanity and put myself back together. So I guess what i'm saying to you guys is thanks!!