Even though I have extreme baby fever, my biggest fear would be losing my baby when I am pregnant. Especially at a later stage in the pregnancy. I am a very sensitive person when it comes to things like that, and the thought of having to go through labor to give birth to a dead baby terrifies and sickens me. How common really is it? That is the only hang-up I have, and if I ever want children I'm going to have to get over it. How many of you had miscarriages? How far along were they? What was your experience? I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance here.
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I don't know the answer to your question. The statistics vary wildly, and change significantly as the pregnancy progresses. I will say it is completely normal to have anxiety while trying to conceive and throughout the pregnancy - but if it is stopping you from trying or causing you real distress once you do conceive, it may be a good idea to see a therapist a few times to talk through your worries. I have several friends who spoke to counsellors about every week or two in their pregnancies, and it really helped them to confront their anxieties and focus on the positives. One of them did end up suffering a miscarriage at 10 weeks, but since she had already built a lovely relationship with her therapist, she actually coped with it surprisingly well, even though it was her worst fear. She is now 22 weeks along with twins and quite relaxed!
Good luck
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Miscarriage occurs as often as 1 out of 3 or 4 pregnancies depending on what stats you are looking at. But what you are describing is a still birth. Most miscarriages occur very early- the further along you are, the lower the risk is. I lost a pregnancy at 6 weeks, and I know several friends, family members and acquaintances who have had miscarriages between 5-10 weeks. It's awful, and it happens. Not sure what else to say about that.
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Miscarriage is terribly common but still tragic.
In fairness, I think we are all "sensitive" when it comes to the life of our babies. I have never experienced a stillbirth (a stillbirth is a miscarriage that occurs after 20 weeks.)
I have lost two pregnancies (one at 5 weeks and the other at 10 weeks) and am currently on my third to have my first child. So, I am afraid I have no reassurance to give but everything in life worth doing is a risk. Marriage. Children. Jobs. It's just life. -
@aderyn: as the others have already said, it is common (20-25% I've heard/read), but generally early in pregnancy. I, too, have had a miscarriage. Mine was at 6.5wks, & while in the moment it was devastating & sad, I learned how many others around us has previously suffered m/c's, as well. That & the thought that that baby wouldn't have been viable, anyway, and that our "take home" baby was still "out there" gave me & my husband hope. We are now 15wks along & things look good so far. It is not irrational to worry about losing your pregnancy, but I think the worry over your child(ren) after they are born is likely just as bad or worse. I agree, that perhaps talking through your fears with a therapist, your partner, your family, any friends you may have with children, anyone & everyone else you can (HB members, too!) will give you a better perspective & a good place to start deciding if it is the right time for you to TTC. Best of luck.
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We lost our first baby at 20 weeks and I had to deliver.
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It's common. 90% of women will go through it throughout their life, each pregnancy has about a 20% risk of loss. I view it as an unfortunate and sad part of reality for me. A stillbirth is different and pretty rare. If it's not this, it's childhood cancer or car accidents....
I've had two, at 7 and 12 weeks. Went on to have E, now I'm 18 weeks with my second
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I think it is common. It happened to me but very early so I've been able to make peace with it. Having a healthy pregnancy and baby afterward helped. I understand your fears and I know horrible and terrifying things do happen to some people but I think early losses are most common. Of course you are going to be aware of risks, I was conscious of it early in my second pregnancy but as I went on I decided not to worry about anything unless I had a reason to. I felt like there were too many things to worry about and that most likely if I did have an issue it would be something I hadn't even thought of!
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By the time you have your first ultrasound and hear a heartbeat at 8 weeks, the risk of miscarriage is less than 10 percent. So yes, the first month sucks (since you don't find out until 4 weeks). I was scared every. single. day. But once you pass that hurdle you've got good odds. Then when you get out of the first trimester they're even better. And better and better every day. Yes, tragedies happen. But that's sort of like saying you'd never go on a date because what if you fall in love and get married and your husband dies on your honeymoon. Sure it's possible and it happens. But it's not worth foreclosing an opportunity for something you really want because it's possible you might get your heart broken.
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@Mae: Wow, your post really helped me. Thank you.
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@aderyn: I'm glad
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It's common. I've had one miscarriage and one successful pregnancy and I'm scared of another miscarriage. It is scary, but if it helps to know, the odds are with you, and almost every person I know who has lost a pregnancy has also gone on to have a healthy child. I keep my lost baby in my heart as a reminder to appreciate the living one I have and I think many women do the same.
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@blackbird: Yes, this. There is ALWAYS something to worry about, but you just can't dwell on it. Now that I have a child, if I stopped to think about everything that could go wrong, I may as well put him in a bubble.
@aderyn: My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 9 weeks. It was awful and depressing and one of the worst things I've ever been through. Then I got pregnant again and was an anxious mess the entire time. The worry never really went away, but getting past certain milestones helped. He's just over a year now and well, worrying is part of being a mom. Now, I'm 5 weeks pregnant with my second and when I feel anxious, I try to remind myself that nothing I do will change what's going to happen, so I'm going to trust that everything will be okay. Miscarriages are common, but completely normal, uneventful pregnancies are also very common!
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re: worrying when babies are little-- i think everyone is different. i worry about LO far less now than I did when I was pregnant.
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@Mae: That is a lovely way to look at things. If we focused on the risks, we would certainly never start a new relationship...or even drive a car.
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While miscarriage is very common, I wanted to just be a voice that shows it's not a guarantee either. I've never had a miscarriage. Of my four closest friends who are also on second babies with me (or have already had 2), only one ever had a miscarriage (between lo 1 and 2 while on a light birth control). My stepsister and stepmother both had frequent miscarriages but also went on to have healthy babies. What I'm trying to say is, you just never know what path you will take. You may have no miscarriages or you may have many. That is life - just like fertility issues are life too (I did have those). We have a great group of ladies here who could help give you sound advice and support if you were to miscarry, and some really strong women around here have experienced stillbirths or very late-term miscarriages, so they'd be a good support system too if that ever happened to you (though the risk is very low).
Basically, you can't live life out of fear, and whatever God hands you, you'll be strong enough to handle it. Best of luck!
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I think miscarriages and esp early miscarriages are common. I had a chemical pregnancy in September pretty early on. I had no issues getting pregnant with DS two years ago and carrying him to term.
I think anxiety and worry is something that comes naturally w pursuing motherhood.
Good luck in your journey!
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Most people I know have not had miscarriages. But I have several friends who have suffered through infertility and my sister's SIL had a stillborn close to her due date. My point is you just don't know what can happen. I worried all though out my pregnancies and still worry for my boys. It's just part of life and part of being a mom.
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It's luck of the draw, really. If you asked me this question four years ago when we were so focused on TTC and IF and trying for #1, I'd tell you I didn't know a lot about miscarriages. Despite it taking a LONG time and several IVF rounds to conceive our daughter, we had a very uneventful pregnancy.
Fast forward to this year, and we've had two miscarriages - one at 11 weeks, one at nearly 6 weeks. Since I've had mine this year, a LOT more folk I know have come out and sympathised and shared their stories. I do think it's more common than people think - but then... as I say, it's a lot of luck. We always heard that seeing a heartbeat at 8 weeks meant that your odds were slim to none of miscarrying... and we lost our baby boy this year after seeing his heart beating on a scan THREE TIMES in 11 weeks. So yeah, never any guarantees.
Would that stop me trying for another pregnancy? Hell no. The need and desire to expand our family beats the fear... just.
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Miscarriages are very common, but the vast majority of them happen before moat people even know they are pregnant. I think that by the time you have an u/s and see the heartbeat, the risk goes down to about 5%. And you can see the heartbeat around 6-7 weeks. Stillbirths happen about 1% of the time I think.
I've had two babies and zero miscarriages, so some people do get lucky. Good luck to you.
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I've never had a m/c, but my sister has but she is now pregnant and much further along. She is due in early March. I'm sure she is worried about a late term m/c since it does happen. I think almost all of us knows about the risk of still borns and its probably always going to be in the back of our minds.
As for me, I've been TTC for the past 3 years for baby #1. I have never been pregnant so I can't even get pregnant. I'm finally in the middle of my first IVF cycle and currently have fertilized embryos in the freezer. I think I'm a little bit closer to pregnancy. Though, it's possible that they could transfer those blastocysts and they don't implant. That might be the reason I've never been pregnant. Anyway, I'm hoping, praying and doing whatever I can to stay positive and hope I get pregnant. That is my ultimate goal right now. After I get that
, that is probably when the m/c thoughts will creep in. I really hope I don't have a m/c but I also have had to brace myself over the last few years to have a difficult journey. If it happens I have to remind myself that it wasn't anything I physically did, like having IF, it was my body or something I could not control. The only thing I have to do is to put one foot in front of the other and just keep trying to attain my goal of getting pregnant and having a baby in my arms, hopefully in 2015.ETA- reading over this, I sound very positive. It's just the time. Catch me in a next week when I hear of a billion pregnancy announcements and births and that is when I'll be bitter and negative. It's the IF roller coaster.
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They are definitely common, I know several women who have had them. All of the ones I know have been early in the first trimester.
As for me, I had a vanishing twin with my first pregnancy. I passed a mass very early in the pregnancy around 6 weeks and at 12 weeks the ultrasound tech saw an empty sack (along with my healthy baby). I've never really thought about it as a miscarriage though, although I suppose that is what it was. That's probably because my first prenatal appointment wasn't until 10 weeks and at that time they only saw one baby and no empty sack, so in my mind it was always just one baby. We were very surprised when they told us about the empty sack two weeks later.
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I had a miscarriage just before 7 weeks, miscarried naturally. I'm not going to lie - it was horrible to go through, especially for my first pregnancy. It took us a while to get pregnant again and I spent the first trimester very anxious. But now I have a wonderful 10 wk old baby girl and I would do it all over again to have her! Since my miscarriage I've heard about two other friends/family that have had one since I've been pregnant, but also plenty of friends pregnant without miscarriages.
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Miscarriages are common and they suck but lots of times it is just your body telling you that something wasn't right. I had a mc around 8 weeks with my first pregnancy and got pregnant quickly after with DD. I look back and think that if I hadn't had my mc then I wouldn't have my dd and that is way more sad to me. Don't let the risk of mc keep you from TTC. Life will always throw curveballs.
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Miscarriages are common. I've had one after my pregnancy was confirmed, but before I heard a heartbeat. I know women IRL who have had several miscarriages and/or late stage miscarriages. I know women IRL who have had all their pregnancies result in a live birth.
Don't let the chance of miscarriage deter you from pursuing your dream of having a baby.
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I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said...but early (first trimester) miscarriages are far and away the most common kind of loss.
Here's an old thread (in case you're interested)-- it looks like nearly 50% of ladies on the 'Bee have had a pregnancy loss (again, mostly early).
http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-common-are-miscarriages-have-you-had-oneAs nice as it would be to avoid all loss in this life, that never has been and never will be the case.
, that is probably when the m/c thoughts will creep in. I really hope I don't have a m/c but I also have had to brace myself over the last few years to have a difficult journey. If it happens I have to remind myself that it wasn't anything I physically did, like having IF, it was my body or something I could not control. The only thing I have to do is to put one foot in front of the other and just keep trying to attain my goal of getting pregnant and having a baby in my arms, hopefully in 2015.Reply
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