Hellobee Boards

Why is it selfish? I don't see it that way at all, if it makes you unhappy

DH talked me off the ledge and told me to try to wait a month before exclusively pumping or using formula full time. Things got better around 3-4 weeks for me.
Even though I read a lot about breastfeeding and took classes about it..I was still shocked at how hard it was. Hang in there!

We finally gave up the formula drip and tried *just* breastfeeding with only one pumped bottle at night so dad could feed him... and after a few days it leveled out. It was still painful for 8-9 weeks and now I love it. My goal was always "one more day" until it stopped hurting. I really really wanted to breastfeed though.

Most important thing here is this: happy mommy=happy baby. Your stress is sensed by your baby. Whatever choice you make is the right one.

I think BFing is just very hard for the first several weeks. Maybe you could set a small goal (6 weeks?) and then re-evaluate. There's nothing wrong with switching to formula.

I was RIGHT where you were with hating breastfeeding for the first 4 weeks. I had mastitis, LO was tongue tied, my nipples were cracked and bleeding and scabbed...I literally dreaded feeding him because it was so painful. It stressed me out so much and I cried so many times the first few weeks. Honestly, I don't know how or why I kept going--probably because I"m unreasonably stubborn and was determined to breastfeed at least 6 weeks (that time when EVERYONE says it got better). Here I am at 7.5 weeks and I still have issues/some pain, but it really is worlds better. So all I can say is take it one day at a time, and don't quit on a bad day. And if you do end up doing formula, that's perfectly okay too. The important thing is that baby gets fed, and that mom is happy.

I haven't been there yet, but I do know people who have been in your exact situation, and know people who pushed through and were able to get the hang of it and loved BFing for the first year, and people who ultimately stopped trying with the BFing and went to 100% formula. I haven't heard either side express deep regrets. They all know they tried their best and did what was best for them AND their baby.
That said, right now, I know I will give myself the goal of 6 weeks since it seems like most people say it gets easier after that. But like I said, I'm not in the situation yet so I can't say what I will do when I'm actually there.

I would set a date for you to reevaulate at so you aren't making a decision in the midst of high emotions and stress. Maybe tell yourself you'll decide at 4 or 6 weeks?

I agree with setting small goals to get through it. I hated it at first too...and really still don't LOVE it at 4+ months, like some people describe. I do see the benefit in cost savings and not having to worry about packing formula and, of course, the health benefits. But I think I got through because I am type A and would have felt like I "failed" if I didn't do it. Not that I believe that is true of moms who choose FF, I just know for me that I would beat myself up about it. I always felt like it was going to get easier "just around the corner" and that kept me going. I even still drive myself nuts with not wanting to give him ANY formula which is becoming difficult since I work full-time and my supply just isn't keeping up with him. Good luck! Its a BATTLE in the beginning.

nothing was easy with breastfeeding here (except that my milk came in 3 days post partum), until 8 weeks! we had latch issues, two hugely differently shaped and sized nipples (so, I had to buy bigger pump flanges for ONE side..lame), blocked ducts and oversupply, forceful letdown, mastitis and thrush, etc. Somehow, I didn't hate breastfeeding and plowed through and things are a world of difference now. I swear, one day it just all clicked and worked.

BUT! but.

if you don't enjoy breastfeeding, you don't have to! formula is NOT poison, or they would not be allowed to sell it. the mom I nanny for is super organic, healthy etc and both her girls were formula from day one. they are gorgeous, healthy and SMART as little whips. whatever choice you make that makes YOU happy is most important - your baby doesn't know yet about any benefits of either BM or formula. she just knows when she's happy and when mom is happy.

that said, I agree with some PPs that maybe setting a date to decide might work. I've heard lots of people say "okay, one more week!" then they get to that day and think, hey i'll try a few more days. and then it just flows from there.

but if you decide to formula feed, please don't feel terrible or guilty. everyone being happy is most important!

Do what is best for you because a happy momma = happy baby. I hate bf and feeling engorged. What I did was set a goal of 3 months then now 6 months. I feel a little guilty about stopping at 6 months but frankly I am ready to feel like myself again and not have to worry about having to pump and feeling engorged when I miss a pump. Someone on the boards said something that really resonated with me. They said that as kids get older no one is gonna care if they were breastfed or formula fed. Do what is best for you!

It took me about a month to really get the hang of breastfeeding and before then I did struggle with it, but for me I really wanted to breastfeed so like @leelee: I set mini goals, I would say one more week or atleast i'll try to get to 3 months, and now at nearly 8 months we are going strong.

@highwire: I'm just going to reiterate what everyone else has said, and say that you have to do what makes you happy. I never felt like breastfeeding was a bonding time for me, and I did it for almost 10 months. If you feel like you bond better when you're feeding her formula, and it makes life happier when you feed her formula, then I would say to go ahead and stop breastfeeding. It's not like you're just giving up. The path you had to take is MUCH harder than those who just pop the boob in the mouth when the baby needs it. I can only imagine the exhaustion you're going through... Do what makes you feel better. There is more to the mother-child bond than just breastfeeding

I had to stop due to my own health issues and I have no regrets. I agree with @leelee - no one is going to care what your LO ate once she is older. DD is 2.5 years old now and the only reason why people ask me now is because I'm having another baby so they just ask if I'm planning on trying to breastfeed #2. I will, but if it makes me miserable, then I won't feel bad about stopping since I had to with #1 and she's very smart with a strong immune system.

As other people have said, set mini goals but don't feel like you need to force yourself to continue for a year or whatever if it doesn't make you happy.

Just know that whatever you decide, you are doing a good job. I can't imagine how hard being a new mom is. Don't beat yourself up too much!

I stuck it out solely for P. Knowing breastfeeding was what she was designed for was enough for me to "get happy" despite all the initial trouble we had, although it wasn't always easy in the moment.

This post on kellymom helped too.... I read it often:

Are mothers supposed to love breastfeeding 24 hours a day?
AUGUST 28, 2011. Posted in: COMMON NEWBORN CONCERNS,WHAT IS NORMAL?
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by Glenda Dickerson, IBCLC.
Reprinted with permission from the author.

If there is a day or week where you no longer feel like you are loving or even enjoying breastfeeding, does it mean that this is the right time to stop?

I have felt for years that many mothers wean because they thought they were supposed to love and/or enjoy breastfeeding 24 hours a day. Some of the mothers I have admired the most are mothers that breastfed in spite of not being in love with the act of breastfeeding. They breastfed because they knew it was the right choice for their babies.

Our culture has become so addicted to the concept that we are supposed to only do what makes us happy or brings us immediate joy, that we lose a lot of the good stuff along the way–pride in accomplishment, joy in fulfilling a commitment, feeling of achievement through meeting a goal. I don’t think this means people are more selfish today than they were in the past, I just think they have been taught to have different expectations about what they are supposed to feel and how they should respond to those feelings.

Breastfeeding is the ultimate gift a woman gives her baby–because she chooses everyday whether to continue or to stop. Don’t look at breastfeeding as something you will enjoy or even like all the time, but as a commitment to your child’s health–similar to the commitment of staying married even when you don’t particularly like your husband for a few days, or staying in college when it is really rough for a while. There are peaks and valleys with breastfeeding and sometimes you will thoroughly enjoy it, and sometimes you will resent it–but in the end you will not regret one day that you stuck with it, even though you were not feeling that joy 100% of the time. When you are in a valley, rest assured that the joy you have felt with feeding in the past will reappear and you will be glad you waited it out.

Breastfeeding - It's too important not too

http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/love-breastfeeding-24-7/

I also pretty much lived on her site for troubleshooting issues & found a very pro-breastfeeding group bc I knew being "all-in" was vital not just to my success but to me changing my outlook on it all.

Best advice I was given was to not give up the first 6 weeks because those were the hardest parts. Get past those & aTHEN make a decision then. It's not easy, but it is worth it!

I so understand where you're coming from. My story was pretty much the same as yours and I supplemented LO with formula (1-2 bottles per day) until she was 2.5 months old, at which point I switched to formula completely.

Most days I am extremely happy with my decision - especially when I look at my happy, healthy, super sweet baby who adapted to formula wonderfully. However, sometimes guilt will creep in. Often, it comes from reading comments on Hellobee, unfortunately. Now, I don't come across these comments all that frequently, in fairness, but when I do they really sting (you know, stuff about formula being poison or people reading the label of formula and deciding they would NEVER feed their baby such trash). It might be that I'm just exceptionally thin-skinned, but I would say that if you decide to formula feed, just be prepared for some of that judgement because it can hit you at unexpected times and really hurt.

Aside from all of that, I wish you luck whatever you decide to do. In real life, I have been very lucky to be surrounded by super supportive people, and I hope you are equally as lucky. And last but not least, I know a lot of breastfeeding moms think that formula feeding is more work, but I just don't. I always felt like breastfeeding took so much time and effort, but again - that's just me. Definitely not a reason in and of itself to make the switch, but I did have to throw that in there.

Breastfeeding sucks the first six weeks. There is no way around it. I don't know anyone who enjoyed it in the beginning. I feel like 6-8 weeks is the magic number(s) and once you reach it, you and baby get in a groove. It's like the hump and once you're over it things really change.

I think six weeks is a good goal to have. If you still are struggling and miserable by then, then switch to formula and don't feel bad about it!

@bebefly: Sorry to hear about your brother but I agree with your point, it really is different from person to person.

Same goes for "intelligence" - being breastfed isn't going to MAKE your baby smarter or less smart. My DH is a year away from becoming a doctor and he was completely formula fed as a baby.

Good luck! Hang in there, and try not to feel guilty over whatever decision you make, there is no wrong choice!

If you switch to formula 100%, don't ever feel like you're making a selfish decision or not doing what is best for your child. Formula is not subpar food for babies; it gives them every bit of the vitamins and minerals that they need. Women have always had issues breastfeeding; so you’re certainly not a failure in any way if it doesn’t work out for you.

IRL I've never had any comments whatsoever about formula feeding, and when I read ridic comments here about how women should cut everything out of their diet and plow ahead with something that isn't working for them, isn't working for their LO, is painful, etc. - basically go to the ends of earth to breastfeed if they really want to provide the best options for their LOs...well I mentally tell them to go pound sand and move on with my life.