So this is something that DH and I have been hashing out for a while now, and I am not convinced that we will ever feel like we are completely ready to become parents, maybe not even once we have a little one! Is the timing right? Are we emotionally ready? Can we afford to expand our family? What about work/school? I actually think it is that feeling of "there will never be a perfect time when we feel completely ready" that helped us decide to just go for it.
How did you figure it out?
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I totally hear you. We definitely don't feel 100% ready, but since we do eventually want kids and we're turning 31 this fall we know it's time to start trying. This way if we do end up having fertility issues at least I'll know early enough to have a little more time to try fertility treatments.
cherry / 245 posts
We knew we were ready to start trying a while ago, we just had some logistics to get out of the way first...(wedding). We didn't worry about the money/timing. We are emotionally ready and I think that is all you really need, everything else will sort its self out.
If we sat down and talked about all of the other aspects, we probably wouldn't be 100% ready either. Every now and then I get to thinking about the money/timing and I wonder if we are really ready...then I look at my nephew and I am 100% sure again.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
We feel ready because we had a few years of just the two of us. Also my husband had some personal financial goals he wanted to meet first. We've been able to travel quite a bit too, and that was something I wanted before TTC.
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
We felt ready because we had all of the traditional elements that we wanted before we had kids: we were married, we owned a house, we had done a lot of traveling, we had stable jobs, and we felt emotionally ready to expand our family.
persimmon / 1341 posts
I think for us it was similar to knowing we were ready to get married..you just kind of know. There are always fears and doubts and worries but there came a point when we couldn't imagine our lives without each other and knew the natural next step was to get married.
The same is true with a baby. We were so happy in our marriage, we owned a home, we had fulfilling careers, and a great family. But..something was missing, we wanted more in our marriage and we both felt like the missing link was a baby. Yes, we had our doubts: we needed to find a bigger home, my husband's work schedule is hectic, etc. but we just knew it was the right time.
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
We've always known that we wanted a family, so when I got laid off and was on unemployment, we had been married over 3 years already, and we just decided to go for it. It was a very logical decision and not based on any kind of desire to actually have a baby.... more of a logistical decision on when we would start our family. It's all worked out perfectly... and I agree, you're never really 100% ready!!
papaya / 10560 posts
I don't think you're ever really ready...we just had faith in timing and had to believe everything would work itself out.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
We wanted to own our home first and have at least a year of marriage under our belt (we ended up waiting two). We also needed to be financially secure and feel comfortable that we could swing all of baby's costs and still be able to spend relatively freely and do things like contribute to our retirement accounts. We were emotionally ready long before we were logistically ready.
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
I think DH & I are 99% emotionally ready, though I don't think you are ever 100% ready. Financially/logistically, though, we still have a ways to go. I know you never have enough money for a baby, but we still live pretty much paycheck to paycheck, so I want to at least have a good savings before we TTC.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
For us it is a combination of age--I'm 31 and we want two, so we don't want to wait too long; finances-- I plan to be a SAHM, so we wanted to make sure H's job is as secure as possible in this economy, and he wants to have one more big bonus under his belt before we have a kid, so we are waiting until <9 mos before that; emotional-- we aren't in the party, going out all the time phase of our lives, our friends are starting to have kids, so it won't be as big of a change socially/emotionally as it would have been a few years ago (still a huge change of course!), and we will have been married for over 2 years by then.
I wouldn't feel right about planning a child when we didn't have a plan for how we would be paying for it so money was a big concern, especially since I knew I'd rather wait to have kids and be able to stay at home. So, we start trying in a couple of months!
cantaloupe / 6397 posts
We decided to TTC because I was having extremely long wonky cycles and we thought it was going to take a long time. We started trying about a year before DH thought he was ready, and we got pregnant on our first try! Unfortunately we miscarried, but now DH knows he is totally ready and we're back to trying.
We have our own house, and are financially stable, which really helped us decide to go for it too. Those were two big important things to us.
cherry / 220 posts
I don't think we ever said 'we're ready!" it was more like "we're not NOT ready anymore...let's just do it" 
GOLD / pomegranate / 3688 posts
I agree with the idea that you are never *really* 100% ready, but there were a few things we wanted to accomplish before we started TTC (and this is just *our* list - everyone is different!) - we wanted to be married, own a home, check off certain travel destinations, have stable jobs with good incomes, and we wanted to feel financially comfortable having a baby. I know many people (hi, mom!) say that if you wait until you can afford a baby, you'll never have one, but it was important to *me* to be in a financial place that I wouldn't have to stress about unpaid maternity leave, unexpected medical issues, the sky-high cost of daycare where I live, etc.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
For us it was when our doctor told us it might take awhile to conceive, we were planning on waiting until summer (like now) to start trying but when we heard it might be difficult to conceive it was heartbreaking and we both knew we wanted it sooner rather than later. We decided the next month to start trying on our trip we had planned!
pineapple / 12793 posts
We both knew we wanted a large family and that to have it we'd have to start sooner rather than later. We've both travelled extensively, we're finished with school, our finances can support me staying home for a while, we're close to family...there really wasn't any good reason to not have a baby.
pea / 14 posts
@petunias -- I think we're a bit of we're not NOT ready!
@mrs. wagon -- That is how we thought about, tried to be logical.
For us, I am in grad school so it is both great -- I have amazing health insurance and a pretty flexible schedule -- and terrifying -- I have to write a dissertation with a baby?! DH is in a job he loves and in his 3 months with the company, he's already gotten a raise. He sees himself there for a long time, and as far as job stability, they have already hired others after him and are expanding and opening new locations, so we feel pretty good about that. My parents died young -- 59 and 66 -- so I always knew that I wanted to be a youngish parent to hopefully have as much time as possible with them and my future grandchildren. I will turn 27 in September, and while I'd love to wait to have a baby until we own a home and I'm settled into a job, I am not willing to wait that long. DH still has his grandparents, and I'd love for our child(ren) to know them as much as possible, too. So while we haven't checked all the boxes per se, we know that this is what we want for our family!
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
I'm not sure that I'm really ready. But I'm 32 and when I picture our future family, there are 2 kids. So, I think it comes down to being more ready to have a baby now, than become a first time mom closer to 35.
grapefruit / 4649 posts
We are sort of struggling with this right now, we kept saying fall 2012 would be ideal and the closer it gets the more scary it is. He keeps suggesting we push it back but not for any great reasons in my mind. We wanted to have more savings first but I feel comfortable with where we are; we will lose my income for awhile but our mortgage will go down a little soon and one student loan will be paid off and my husband is slated to get a raise soon so between those it will pretty much make up the difference.
I am struggling because I want to start trying yesterday because I have family with struggling health and I would be heartbroken if they never met my child. Plus I am getting close to 30 and have had some gyn problems in the past... It is kind of hard when faced with those things.
Emotionally I think we are both ready, and we have a house in a great neighborhood that we love, our families are far away but will be super excited and supportive. Plus we have pretty much all the necessities for the first year covered via hand-me-downs. That is a huge cost savings!
grapefruit / 4006 posts
For me (and I say me, because husband was ready long before I was), I knew that my brain would never allow me to be 100% ready. I am a constant worrier, and I knew if I let my brain control the process, I'd end up childless. I ended up going off bcp because I ordered my refill late and it didn't arrive in time. That was the catalyst, and after that, I knew I was ready in my heart. I just needed that something to push me over the hump! I learned that sometimes I have to just stop worrying, hold my nose and jump in!
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