I am kind of "meh" about it. I try to go out as much as possible with the kids so I don't just "stay at home", ya know? Is there another title that you prefer?
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I don't mind the term of it, but don't like if it's referred to as "oh you just stay at home, that's nice" No I don't *just* stay home, I do a lot!
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I don't mind it...though over here I've heard it mostly referred to as "full time Mum".
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I'm proud of it!
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I always said I was retired, lol, because usually the question people were asking was "what do you do?" and they meant in terms of professional career. I said I was unemployed once, which is true, but that seemed to be too shocking for people, lol.
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I don't have a problem with the term itself, but I do feel insecure telling people that I'm home. I'm an attorney by training, and it feels like everyone has an opinion about whether I'm making the right decision.
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@looch: retired! I'll have to use that one!
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@rattles: same! I was a practicing attorney for 7 years and people can't believe I'm a SAHM. I love it and feel it's the best choice for me and my family right now.
@illumina: no one says that where I live - all moms are full time moms whether one chooses to stay at home full time or work outside of the home. I'm surprised whenever I hear someone use that phrase.
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@sandy: I always thought it sounded weird, but I guess I just got used to it.
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@rattles: @sandy: Go, mamas! If I would, I could.
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50/50
50: I am proud of it because I am so BLESSED to be able to SAHM and watch my amazing son everyday, especially without financial worries.
50: I have a friggin Master's degree and I am DAMN good at my job, so sometimes I cringe at the fact that I am at home and not killn' it in the field. Instead, I chop kiwi into funny shapes for my son and eat Chef Boyardee for lunch. -
@illumina: I've heard random people (usually older) use it and I always want to say "is my husband a part time dad bc he busts his butt at work to support our family and make our lifestyle/activities possible but doesn't stay at home 24/7?!?!" Of course no one would say that about a Dad...so why do we say that about moms who work equally hard for their family.
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@CupQuakeWalk: exactly this, right down to the master's in the same field as you
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I feel embarrassed often when I tell people because often I get the "look", like, "Oh? You don't work?" which is weird because so many women stay at home, but I always feel judged. In fact, people at my old job that I left when my son was born ask from time to time when I'm coming back which makes me think they don't think I should be staying home since they aren't. I don't know. I don't like the stigma. People that work tell me I'm lucky and such because many of them think it is easier to stay home, I guess. Well, for me it isn't. It's hard work and I get lonely, miss people, miss my old job.
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@sandy: @illumina: I work PT and get kind of offended when I hear "full time mom," because I definitely am not a part-time-mom! On the other hand, I've caught *myself* saying it about other women, or saying "oh I should stay at home and be a full time mom." So I know people don't *mean* it to be offensive!
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@hilsy85: lol! We're the SAME person!
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@sandy: A rep trying to sell insurance to me at work asked if I was going to be coming back after baby or staying home to be a mom. Yeeeaah…I didn't buy any insurance from her.
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@CupQuakeWalk:
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It doesn't bug me one bit - I DO stay at home. I don't read anything into that term that is negative. I have a masters, work experience, and a passion that I will get back to in a few years. I have zero guilt/defensiveness about the choice we made as a family and relish that I spend the majority of my day hanging out with a funny toddler.
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It doesn't bother me. I'm not going to let anyone's judgement about my decision to stay home upset me.
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Honestly? This is part of the reason I freelance -- so I can tell people something other than "I stay home." But that's my own insecurities talking, really, since I never really envisioned myself in this role. I certainly don't judge other moms, whatever their situation.
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I just read my post and realized that I made it all sound negative. I love staying at home with my son and not working, but I do miss my old job and people. I get lonely being at home so much sometimes, but wouldn't change it for the world. I love being with my little guy and watching him grow! I'm glad to hear so many of you don't let others' opinions bother you. For the most part, I don't, but sometimes it does bother me to hear comments such as, "Oh, lucky you" or similar comments.
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@Jenn23: I feel the same way!
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I love being a sahm and feel blessed that I'm able to do so. I don't mind the term, even though I'm only actually at home for nap time.
The other day a stranger was asking me about lo and her sleep. I said she's not sleeping much yet. She said, "my granddaughter is 7 months and still not sleeping. But her mom works so it's really bad." I have a toddler and baby. I need my energy and sleep too.
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The term doesn't offend me because it describes what I do. I stay "home" with our daughter. I'm well educated, and really enjoyed and excelled in my career, prior to having our daughter. Staying home wasn't an easy decision, nor was it the original plan, but it ended up being right for our family, logistically, financially, and emotionally. It's not something I'll do forever, but I'm enjoying it, for now. I'm proud of my friends who returned to work right away, but occasionally feel like they don't respect my decision to the same degree.
I do take offense when people assume that I'm essentially on vacation, Monday-Friday. Caring for an infant and home full time is hard work in a different way. I will occasionally meet other moms for coffee or playdates, because it gets a little lonely spending most of my time without adult conversation. It's nice to connect with others in a similar boat. What hurts my feelings is when women make comments about being good role models for their children (especially their daughters) by maintaining a professional identity, outside of the home. While I do intend on returning to work when DD is a toddler, I consider this time very special. I guess nothing in life is without social commentary though, right?
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I don't like the term too much either... even if it's my username, lol! The "at home" part bugs me too because we are rarely home since DD1 has a busy school and after-school schedule. But I think I have learned to deal with comments that sort of degrade the role. What bugs me most is when people automatically assume it's easier to SAH than to WAH or WOH. I was a WOHM for 3.5 years... I get that parenting is tough in general, whatever the situation.
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@hilsy85: @CupQuakeWalk: me three. And a master's in the same field as well.
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I don't mind. But sometimes I just tell people I'm a software developer instead.
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It's hard- it's not like I'm not proud of being able to spend my days with our son, I am, I would be miserable if I couldn't. I hated working full time, I don't do well in the 40+ hour situation. But I'm also very proud of my other job that I get to work part-time at too, and I usually brag more about that one and take more credit for it than I do for staying home with him during the days.
It's hard to go from the fast paced professional job to playing with trucks and going to the park and the zoo, I do better when I have a mix of both, but I also feel conflicted about which one I put more of my undivided attention into at times.
Keeping my hands in both pots keeps me happier- I have absolutely no judgement on others that do one or both differently from myself, everyone has to find what makes them happiest
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I struggle with it sometimes. I don't WANT to be away from my daughter full time, so since we're lucky enough that we can afford for me not to work full time, I don't. But in social situations, I feel like it's sometimes awkward for me not to have a worklife to talk about with my more career-oriented friends. I don't like the implications that it has that I don't do anything difficult, time consuming, or tiring. But I love the label of "being a mom"!
Working part time wasn't working for me - I discovered that in the job I was doing there was no such thing as part time. I couldn't just NOT answer client emails that came at odd hours simply because I'd already put in my hours for a week. I found myself too distracted and not fully engaged in either work or parenting, and resenting both roles at varying points (when, for example, my boss asked me to do some last minute work 20 minutes before bedtime, or my DD woke up from a nap early and wouldn't let me finish a work project). I ended up quitting.
I've started doing some volunteering (and recently agreed to run an English tutoring program for a local secondary high school). It's not a lot (about 2 hours, 1 day per week), but it makes me feel like I'm doing something productive outside of my mama duties, and that works well for me.
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I call myself a full time mom. It is my full time occupation, it is what I occupy all of my time with. It isn't meant to set up some stupid dichotomy between moms who work and moms who don't, it's just an accurate description of what I do all day. I prefer it to 'stay at home mom', since we really don't spend much time at home.
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I think SAHM best describes my current adventure so it doesn't bother me at all. I never viewed it as a negative term. My husband appreciates and thanks me often for sacrificing my career to be at home with baby. We interviewed countless daycares but found negative issues at the last minute with our final 2. Everyone is surprised that I did not go back to my demanding job and choose a nanny because I was a workaholic for a very long time. I am not very domesticated and especially don't enjoy cooking but am trying my best. I will return to the workforce eventually.
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I just hate when someone asks me what I do, I respond that I'm a SAHM and they respond, oh, so unemployed? I'm not talking about people who need to know I'm employed but random people like my dental hygienist! It makes me feel...lazy.
Also, my in-laws assume because I don't work that I sleep in until 11am everyday! So I especially hate when they use the term SAHM because they think I have it easy. I'm fortunate and I love spending time with my kids but give me some credit!
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I have no problem with the term, but I typically refer to myself as a homemaker. I do a lot daily beyond just being a mom and I feel like that term better describes it.
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