If you have a sexual past you would like your kids NOT to emulate will you be honest with them about your past? What about drug use or other vices?
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I can still remember the day I found a ledger my dad kept of all his drug transactions. The real story of why my mom dated my dad came out after that.
I also learned he had a cat in college because the cat's vet bill was also accounted for. 
ETA: this ledger was from the 70s when they were both in college.
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I will be an open book and share 100% of the good, the bad and the ugly. When DD is of appropriate age of course and if it comes up naturally. I don't plan to sit her down and give her a list or anything.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Wow that is REALLY detailed!
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My husband didn't learn until he was 20 that his dad had an ex wife! His sister found out from a cousin by marriage who learned from her mother in law. To me that's just ridiculous!
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: my cousins didn't find out their dad had an ex-wife - and a SIBLING - until they were in their 20s also. Crazy pants.
To answer the original question, I plan on being honest organically, as a pp mentioned. I will answer all questions truthfully (as appropriate for their age) but don't plan on having a sit down detailing all the stupid shit I did.
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For now, I plan on being as open and honest as appropriate. My parents never told me anything. My best friend has an extremely open relationship with his mom and I kind of envy how freely they talk about, well, everything.
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I plan on being honest and sharing my experiences to hopefully help guide them down a good path. I know kids experiment and make mistakes, but I don't want to turn a blind eye about my experiences if it could help them.
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I will be open but not detailed. I will always answer any questions honestly. But not graphically. My parents were very conservative christians when we were growing up but they were very honest about their pasts (which were pretty tame compared to my own, although my dad was a bit wild). I appreciated that.
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When my brother (10 years younger) turned 21 I told him...the best nights of my life I was drunk, ...and the worst times of my life I was drunk! This is not actually true since now that I'm a grown-up I have had tons of sober awesome moments. But I wanted to impress on him that the fun comes with the potential for making mistakes and I felt this was a more realistic message than just saying "don't do it" or "be careful," which is really all my parents were telling him.
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I plan on being honest when asked, though I won't offer details that aren't asked for. My parents were pretty open-- I remember a hilarious story when I was in hs or college, and talking to my parents about their friends from the 1970s, and something came up about one of their friends smoking pot. I was like "wait, when was the last time YOU smoked??" And instead of answering my dad was like "when was the last time you did?" And neither of us answered
super awkward but hilarious
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@T.H.O.U.: yeah, he was definitely a business major LOL
I knew they experimented. My mom also shared this gem after I found the ledger, "you're a woman and you should never have to pay for pot."
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We plan to be honest; but I'm sure there are a few details that don't need to be shared? Haha. DH has a much more "colorful" history than me so he's gonna have all the stories to tell!
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I will be open and honest when asked. But, it's also really easy for me to say that. Neither my husband nor I have ever done drugs (not even smoked pot) and we've both only had two sexual partners (our high schools significant others and each other). So there's nothing really worth hiding or being uncomfortable about.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: HAHAHAHA!!
I'll answer any direct questions honestly, and I will speak in honest-but-general terms whenever we're giving advice about how to make these difficult decisions.
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Ill be honest but I think my kids will think I'm lame - I smoked pot once and have only ever had sex with my husband. I've definitely done my share of drinking, but even there I waited until I was 19 and legal.
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I myself wasn't too wild but will be fully open with my children when the time is right. My mother was a drug addict and I therefore had a very rough childhood amidst it all and witnessed./experienced things that I shouldn't have.. I sheltered my sister from it as I raised her through it all and she never learned from my moms mistakes. I want to be honest with my kids and they should know where I come from, why i am adamantly against those things, and that i am not just saying it to say it... Ive been there in the trenches, seen what it does, and will not go back to that life.
I have smoked pot, I had sex before marriage (with my exFI who was abusive and DH), and drank when I was 21 when it was legal. I am okay with my kids knowing that when they are old enough to understand it. I dont believe in sheltering them from the truth and I wont lie about where I came from. I am not shameful of my past and believe that I am who I am because of the past. I don't want my children hearing from extended family things that we haven't first discussed, learned from, and processed together. I would rather them ask me, feel comfortable with telling me things, and know that I am an open book.
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I will try to be honest and open, but also mindful of what's age appropriate. I want to answer any questions they have, but also don't want to give more information than they need at a young age. My dad only a few years ago, once all of his kids were in our twenties, that he smoked pot when we were little, stopped for a few years when we were teenagers and now does again. He didn't want to be hypocritical when we were in middle and high school. He's also shared more about other drug use in recent years. Doesn't bother any of us now, but I see why he waited to share.
I do think it's important to be open to discussion, and not try to pretend that we've never made less than perfect decisions.
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I'll share some lessons with a filtered truth in age appropriate conversations. My parents did not talk about much with me, other than basically "don't do any of that stuff!" & it was not an effective talk for my sister & I--though I was more tame than my sister.
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I will be open about it if asked, but not really detailed. DH kinda covers a lot of bases, and it can be used as an educational tool for DS. But, I think it's not necessarily appropriate to be so open at a young age to express past drug or sex use.
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I'm going to play it by ear..... I voted "keep some details to myself" because there are some things I wouldn't want them to know about me (icky stuff) but, if I think my experiences might help my daughters, I may well divulge if/when the time is right.
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Play it by ear, I think. I'm not going to lie to them but I think while they're younger it'll just be general info. I did talk to my 4 year old about how both mama and papa dated people before each other. She's very into disney and it felt weird to me to be teaching young kids that one day a prince shows up and you get married. I never want her to feel like breaking up with someone or them breaking up with her is any sort of fairytale failure. and always wanted her to feel like it was normal not to marry the first person you fall for.
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I'll be honest and open, but keep it light on specific details. Like, my kids can know I drank in college, but they don't need to know about each party I went to.
My mom was a wild-child in her youth and she laid it out for my sister and I during middle school. She sat us down and told us about the date-rape drug and how to be careful when we're out without adults. She was detail-light and just said "I've done it all and more, so I'll know if you're doing it too". As we got older and became adults we got the more sordid stories (which I LOVED hearing! My mom was crazy!)
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I wasn't wild, so open and honest is where I'm going to go. DH was the same, so we don't really have anything overly exciting to share.
I also learned he had a cat in college because the cat's vet bill was also accounted for. 
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23 comments