Just wondering how long your average tantrum lasts.
DD's tantrums seem to last forever. This last one was about an hour. It makes the whole "leave her alone til she calms down" thing difficult because she doesn't calm down.
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Forever sounds about right, if I left him alone I'm not sure he would calm down and he seems to work himself up more as it goes on.
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The last one was about half an hour, maybe forty minutes. Usually we don't leave her but we are starting to get a little stricter. She has had a tantrum over an hour before and at that point if I'd let her cry more I'm sure she would have had quite a few that long. Not sure what we're in for in the future.
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@clover: @2littlepumpkins: so how do you handle your toddlers tantrums. Nothing I try seems to help- leaving her alone, trying to talk about her feelings, sitting w her until she calms down, etc.
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@BeachMama: I'm sure it's a case by case thing but I find talking to my kiddo about something totally unrelated to distract him can work. Like something we did earlier in the day and ask him a lot of questions (what color was the truck? Who else was there? What did you eat? Etc). Seems to change his focus. I'm sure it depends on the age too. DS is 2 y 8 mo.
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@BeachMama: if we don't want her to cry? Anticipating what will set her off and distracting her, changing the environment (more people and action around usually gets her interest and she at least pauses) and putting her to sleep (because she throws a lot of them at bedtime.) She has always been very verbal so that helps a lot. We didn't really go through the stage where she couldn't express herself, or at least I don't think we did. We've had a semi-difficult year so she has gotten away with a lot more than I'd like. But lately- were just acknowledging her, comforting her when appropriate, and letting her cry more. Sometimes the thing she's throwing a tantrum about she changes her mind about five or fifteen or whatever minutes later and becomes cooperative; it just has to be on her terms. (Power struggle!) luckily she is semi-predictable.
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@Amelieisme: this works for us too but it really only works when she is about to throw the tantrum- once she's started, it's all "no!"
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@BeachMama: I usually go through trying distraction, ignoring him, and asking him to talk to me. Lately none of those work. The only thing that seems to work at the moment is finally getting him to let me hold him then he'll calm down and keep his head on my shoulder for at least 10 minutes sighing and breathing deep. Problem is unless he's ready to end the tantrum trying to hold him just results in him hitting me. If someone else is here (DH or my mom) then I usually go upstairs for 5 minutes, he is a huge mama's boy so when I come back down he'll let me hold him and calm down. If I have him by myself I obviously can't leave him unattended so that goes out the window. I have had luck a couple times by offering his lovey (stays in his crib so he usually doesn't have it) as a comfort item.
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We've had good luck cutting tantrums short by totally changing their environment. So if they're tantrumming at home and it's not too cold out, we'll take the kids outside for just a minute or so. The change in temperature/wind/lighting usually breaks the spell!
It doesn't always work (especially if our kids are overtired or hungry), but we try it out when nothing else seems to be working!
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I was about to ask the same question! B can easily keep howling for half an hour or more over something ridiculous, and there's usually no way to see it coming. Sometimes interfering helps, but usually it doesn't make any difference.
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These are all great suggestions, but unfortunately most of them don't work for us. Sometimes if I can catch it before it turns into a meltdown I can distract her. But she's very "spirited" and strong willed.
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@BeachMama: yiKes! This sounds like it must be really problematic for your whole family! Have you tried keeping a log of when and why the tantrums are occuring? Sometimes seeing it on paper can help bring clarity to the problem and helps see it in a more factual way. It may help you spot a pattern that's hard to see in the moment. Maybe keep track of the time, trigger of the tantrum, and the length of time before she calms down.
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@BeachMama: What kind of things is she throwing a tantrum about? It could be that you have to wait it out. Have you read "Raising Your Spirited Child"? I read it when we were going through all day whining and longer tantrums and it seemed to help.
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@mrs. lion: @2littlepumpkins: they almost always happen when ending a "fun" event, and before nap or bedtime. Like when we came home from Easter dinner at my parents' house. Or coming home from the park yesterday. Or if we have family over for dinner and it's time for bed. This makes me question whether or not I want to throw her a party for her 3rd bday coming up because I know it'll just end in a monster tantrum.
Another recent tantrum happened because she didn't want to wash her hands after potty and I made her. Usually she LOVES washing her hands but that day she decided she didn't want to do it, and it was non-negotiable for me.
She also gets frustrated really easily when she can't figure out how do something, like putting clothes on her dolls, or putting a necklace on herself. Those don't usually end in a tantrum, but just whining and tears. We are deep in the "Don't help, I do it" phase.
I haven't read "Raising Your Spirited Child" yet but have looked at it on Amazon several times.
I know a lot of it is attention seeking and due to her new baby brother. It's the intensity and length of the tantrums that have me a little concerned. I've read that "normal" tantrums last 10 minutes and hers are way longer.
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@BeachMama: my 3 year old has had intense meltdowns since she was 18 months old (regular tantrums started before 1 yr). They can be over something as simple as a tag in her shirt, or not being able to do something perfectly, and can last hours, repeating over and over the whole day, sometimes she won't let us touch her and anything we try to do sends her spiraling into an even bigger meltdown. We finally figured out about 6 months ago that she has some sensory issues and things affect her differently. Something that usually works for us is to hand her an ice cube, it kind of shocks her back into reality. Sometimes holding her really tight in our arms if she'll let us touch her, or wrapping her in a weighted blanket will calm her too. I've heard tipping kids with sensory sensitivities upside down can help, too-- it doesn't work for us, but it does for some people. I have no idea if your LO has any sensory issues, just sharing in case one of these ideas may help you. Hang in there-- I know how hard it can be when your kid has raging meltdowns
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@BeachMama: ah I see. Yeah my dd's tantrums are definitely longer than ten minutes too and I can imagine that must be tough with a newborn. (We're expecting #2 in Oct and I have no idea how we will handle these then!) Dd's also tend to be after bigger events. They can overwhelm her but she saves the tantrum for later in a sense. We've also figured out that she needs reeeeally long transition times, lots of warning, and still routines for most things. Wish I had more useful advice!
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