My almost three year old has been AWFUL at bedtime lately. I can't get her to stay in her room--she'll beat me to the door and physically block me from leaving. If I manage to leave and shut the door, she loses her mind (and obviously gets it open). It seems to be stemming from attachment issues. What do I do? I feel like I'm literally losing my mind and LO 2 is due in the months. 
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we had to get a door monkey (on amazon) to keep the door closed and it was a game changer. DD1 was getting up from bed/naptime 15+ times. the door monkey kept her door slightly ajar, but she couldn't open it. it took a little bit of CIO with the door monkey on, but it completely fixed bedtime for us. this way, she knew that we were there, but it was bedtime.
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@babypugs: no advice except to say that locking her in probably isn't the answer if her issue is attachment related. Have you thought about trying a baby gate? And can you spend some more time with her during the day?
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@birdofafeather: Thanks, I'd never heard of that! Sounds like it's definitely worth checking into.
@Kemma: It's hard to read tone on the internet, but this stung! I spend every possible second with my LO, but I do work full time during the day. I have no interest in just "locking her in" which is why I'm looking for better solutions...but it's not good for her to run out of her room for hours when she has to be up at 6:30 and nothing seems to work (not even lying in bed with her until she's asleep).
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@babypugs: what is your nighttime routine? Some kids benefit from shooter routines, some from longer, maybe you can start by tweaking that a little and see what happens.
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My twins were doing the same thing in the month or two leading up to my daughter's birth. It continued for about a month after she was born and then I finally couldn't deal. I basically sleep trained them again. The first night I put them to bed and stood in the dark in the middle of their room and every time they got out of bed I placed the back in. I didn't speak at all. No response to "cuddle me, I need a drink, lay down with me etc" I just kept putting them back in bed with no response. The first night took two hours but then each night was better by about 15 minutes and finally we got it down to about 5 minutes. Good luck.
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We had this problem when we switched B to a toddler bed at 2.5, and we hired a sleep consultant who told us that when you take them out of a crib before they're old enough to really have the impulse control to stay in bed, you have to treat their whole room like a crib by putting a gate on the door. We then did the sleep lady shuffle to extricate ourselves from his room - three night sitting by his bed while he fell asleep, 3 nights by the door inside the gate, 3 nights by the door outside the gate, etc. If she gets out of bed you leave the room, when she gets back in bed you come back. If she wakes up in the night calling for you you go back to where you had been (by the gate, by the bed, etc) until she goes back to sleep.
Sleep has been my biggest parenting hurdle, I hope it gets better soon!
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We use a baby gate as well. I know there are arguments that it isn't safe to keep them locked in but there are certainly arguments that it isn't safe for them to be able to roam freely either when you are fast asleep. Agree with @erinbaderin regarding a phased approach. Try moving your position every few nights until you can eventually just walk out.
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@looch: Hmm, that's a thought. We do bath, pjs, teeth, then a story and songs in her chair, then one last story and rub back in bed. But it seems to have gotten progressively longer...so maybe I need to try shortening it!
@threeplusme: I've wondered if it was pre-baby syndrome! She seems excited, but I'm thinking there's something deep down that's telling her to soak up every second with mommy while she can. That sounds like it was tough, but it may be the way we have to go. Thanks!
@erinbaderin: That seems like a good idea--I feel like she knows we're right outside the door when it's cracked, but can't resist the urge to "check". If she could actually see me, that might help. Thanks for the well wishes!
@Shantuck: Yes, the roaming is my greatest fear! I have so many locks and gates up, but I know there's always SOMETHING she could get into.
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@threeplusme: i did something similar when my 2 year old was having major bedtime issues.
i also realized that i was getting tense at every bedtime and trying to rush out of there after last song. so i tried slowing things down by talking with him a bit about his day after he was tucked in and the lights were off. it wasn't a magic solution, but it helped. of course that meant we were stuck talking about his day for 10-15 minutes, making bedtime even longer...
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@edelweiss: Hey, I'm more than willing to give it an extra 15 minutes to avoid 4 hour delays!
I know I'm tense and I'm sure it shows, so that's definitely worth a shot.
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My guy pulls the gate down on his door or climbs it, it's awesome......
Things my DD would never dream of, so it's so hard!
While scrambling to find some assistance, I found an article online that said read their books to them laying down in their bedtime spot in their bed. That way they are horizontal, get warm and cozy and spend more time with us laying there, versus when we ask them to go to that spot and then we kiss and leave (for us we sing twinkles, too). It works for two whole nights, so I can't say too much about it for us, but thought I would offer it up as something to try?
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@Kemma: that was probably directed at me and I had to chuckle because DD1 and I were/are very attached. BUT similar to PPs, it was also becoming a safety issue. With our solution, the door was now cracked open for light to come through but also made it so she couldn't leave the safety of her room to walk out of the house, which she did once at 2.5. The door monkey made her entire room like her crib once was: a safe place to be. It's not like we put it on and never went to her again if she needed us.
@threeplusme: I did that too: the no talking, put back in bed for a while but nothing changed for her. I told DH that I allowed her up to 20 times to get up (bed and nap) before I got upset because the frequency was so high. It was really tough on my 7 month pregnant self. I can't imagine doing that with twins and a newborn!
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It wasn't ideal but we put a baby-proofer thing on the doorknob so my twins couldn't open the door from the inside. It took about three nights for them to stop coming out of their room (they were waking up every 2-3 hours and coming out, switching from crib to toddler bed was so fun *eyeroll*). Once they realized they couldn't get out of their room, it stopped and we were able to take the thing off their door knob with no more sleep issues.
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@birdofafeather: I agree with this! I love that the door monkey allows them to still see though the cracked door a bit!
We use one for our three year old and it's been a huge help. We allow him to come out one or two times but if he comes out more than that he is clearly stalling at bedtime and we put it on. We don't have issues with him roaming around at night so we do take it off when we go to bed so he can get out to get us if need be. But honestly, sometimes I think kids this age are just trying to push their luck and stay up and I can tell you that my son has no attachment issues and I SAH with him and he will still spend 2-3 hours a night coming out if we'd let him! When we put it on, he usually makes a huge fuss but will then turn and climb into bed and sleep right away - he is clearly very tired. I'm a better parent when I have an hour or two to unwind at the end of the day without my kids and my kids are happier when they get enough sleep so I don't feel bad about it one bit.
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@babypugs: I'm so sorry, that totally wasn't my intention and I obviously didn't word my response very well! What I was trying to say was that sometimes making changes during the day can make a difference at night - I guess I lean more on the side of figuring out why bedtime has become an issue and working from there. I was also thinking that sometimes I get to bedtime and realise that although I've spent the day with my oldest I haven't actually spent any one on one time with her just focusing on her. Anyway, I apologise for upsetting you and hope you can find a solution that works for you!
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@sunnyday: We had trouble with DS climbing over the baby gate so we bought an extra tall one. My 4 year old hasn't been able to figure out how to get past the one... https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001OC5UNA/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1
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This might not be a popular approach, because I know a lot of people on here think children should learn how to sleep by themselves, but we stay in the room with lo (2.5) until she falls asleep. We just moved her to a big-girl bed several weeks ago, and we sit on the floor next to her bed and read in a soft, slow, monotone voice while she lays down and falls asleep. or sometimes sing instead. we adjust her blanket, she likes to play with my hair, etc. It takes awhile sometimes--30-60 mins on average, I'd say, but she stays in bed at least. I mean, she'll try to fight it and stall. When she was younger I nursed to sleep and then rocked to sleep, so this is sort of the next step from that, since she's laying down on her own. At daycare, or with some babysitters, she's much more independent about falling asleep, but needs a little more closeness with dh and I.
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@Kemma: No worries, I totally misinterpreted your response! (Maybe sleep deprivation will do that
) Anyways, I think you're right--I'm going to examine all the factors, including making sure I'm 100% focused on her during the time we have together so that she doesn't feel like she's missing out on anything.@Trailmix: @coopsmama: This door monkey thing sounds like a miracle worker.
@Shantuck: If the door monkey doesn't work, bring on the heavy duty gate!
@nana87: Hey, whatever works works, right?
The time after she goes to bed is my only chores/workout/dinner/relaxation (ha) time of the day, so I'm reluctant to keep dipping into it...but 30 to 60 minutes is shorter than the time I'm spending now, so you might be on to something!
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Door knob lock and it worked like a charm. We had weeks of bedtime hell (tried putting her back to bed without saying anything but girl has stamina and it was just getting her more upset). We put door knob lock on and it worked within 2 days.
We were able to take it off shortly after and there has been no issues ever since
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Not the same issue, but we had the problem of our 3.5 year old waking up too early and asking (yelling down the hall) every 10 minutes if it was time to get up yet hours before it was time to get up.
We got one of those "OK to wake" clocks that lights up green when it is ok to get up. Would maybe something like that help? Maybe have a small reward in the morning for staying in bed all night?
I know I'm tense and I'm sure it shows, so that's definitely worth a shot.
The time after she goes to bed is my only chores/workout/dinner/relaxation (ha) time of the day, so I'm reluctant to keep dipping into it...but 30 to 60 minutes is shorter than the time I'm spending now, so you might be on to something!
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