Hellobee Boards

I feel like at their age, they are old enough to understand if you say, "I am going to sit here on the couch and read a book. You can play with your trains/cars right here next to me. In x minutes, I will come play with you. RIght now, I am going to read a little bit". Or something like that--basically just tell him that he needs to play while you do something else. He might tantrum about it, but no different from a tantrum about something else that he doesn't want to do...or what if you get him started with a toy/game, and then say, I need to go do x, I'll be back in 5 minutes, and gradually start increasing?

LO has gotten much better about independent play in the last few weeks, so maybe it will change for the better soon!

@hellobeeboston: I could have written this question word for word. So thanks for posting!

@hilsy85: @daniellemybelle: Thanks for the ideas! I find I have more trouble because her little brother is 15 months and needs lots of attention which just draws the 3 year old away from any independent play and back to her parents. I'll keep trying!

A timer.
"You need to play in X room until the timer beeps. You may play with toy A or toy B. Mommy will be in the other room doing her work. You may not leave the room until the timer beeps."
Use three minutes until you are getting compliance, then up it a minute a day until you get to 20 or 30. And do this 2 or 3 times a day so LO gets lots of practice! We treat any refusal to stay in the room until the timer beeps as regular old disobedience, so there is a warning, then a time out, then a return to the room to play until the timer beeps.
ETA: now that LO can play independently if I need a break I can use other cues. Like, you need to play by yourself until my coffee is gone, and then we can read a book! And LO will wander over periodically and peer in my mug then wander away to play some more.

@MrsSRS: see this would not work for me, it would make LO hve a negative association with the whole idea. But different strokes!

@hilsy85: Yeah - when I tried to use a timer for something else, M totally freaked out, but when I need her to play on her own so that I can do something in the kitchen I will sometimes set a timer. If I frame it as "when the timer goes off I can come in and do xyz with you" it works. Probably not as effective though as I'm using playing with me as the incentive but I'll take what I can get right now.

I've started to set some ground rules, like "mama and papa need to finish our coffee first", which always buys us a few minutes. If we take too long, she'll come over and check our cup, so I've been sneaky and have been taking my sweet time!

My son will play independently with things he likes, it took us a while to find those things. He loves art stuff, so very early on I set up bins in our kitchen that he could access. He would sit at the table and pull out play dough, make tracks and roll his cars around in it. Kinetic sand was fun for him as were stickers .

Now he will play in another room but at first we had to practice in the same room as I was in.

@Silva: This often works for us, too. I will usually try to say it in a low key way so she doesn't catch on So I'll be like, "Oh, have you checked on your babies today? They're probably hungry..." and off we go. But baby doll pretend play is always her favorite.

@hellobeeboston: I know our playroom could be set up better, which is why I will usually "stage" what I want her to play with but then act super casual so she doesn't realize I desperately want her to play alone.

For example, I will pull out the blocks bin and put it by the couch instead of where it is tucked away when she is occupied. And then I'll say, "Oh, check it out, the blocks are out. Remember when you built a whole neighborhood all by yourself?" Because if we were just in the playroom together and I said, "Hey, let's get out the blocks!" she'd either say no just to be contrary OR say, "Yes, Mommy! Build with me!"

The Jedi mind tricks I play on my kid, haha!

Its funny, I'm reading the activity suggestions and realising that E wont do even these activities without me - for example, she gets really frustrated with stickers because she cant pull them off the sheet herself every time, and she gets frustrated with play doh if her creations break or she cant roll it flat herself. She wont even watch TV alone, she wants to give me a running commentary! If I leave her alone and insist she has to wait for me to finish what Im doing, she does something dangerous and hurts herself. I've found that the only thing I can do is to let her help me with everything I need to get done - laundry, cleaning, cooking. Its very draining.