One of my good friends has a sister who is dying of cancer. It sounds like she may not have much longer. They have pursued many medical treatments, traditional and alternative. I don't know her sister but I talk to my friend a lot. I have just been trying to support her and get her mind off the situation from time to time. I feel like I should be doing more but I am not sure what. I thought I would reach out to the Bees because you all always give such good advice.
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One of my best friends had a brother who died of cancer two years ago so I've been there. I would say, just like if someone has any other tragedy in their lives, do your best to act normal around her. If you usually see her once a week, keep that going. Talk to her about yourself in addition to listening to what she's going through. And of course, don't avoid the topic of her sister, every time you speak to her ask how she's doing.
It was especially rough with my friend because his brother lived across the country and they needed someone to dogsit on a moments notice since his trips out there were unplanned and sporadic. We always accomodated them, even if it meant changing our plans and I know that went a long way to show my friend that we cared.
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Oh no, so sorry to hear that! I don't think there's much that you can do other than to be there for her and offer your support. Maybe send a thinking of you card, saying that if there's anything she needs to let you know. And make sure she's taking care of herself, take her or make her dinner. It's hard to think about yourself when you're so busy worrying about someone else. Also, maybe you can research a support group for people in her same situation.
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I'll second what @Modern Daisy said about continuing to be normal around her. My husband said that when his sister was dying of cancer, her favorite visitor to have in the hospital was this one friend who was a little dingbatty and self-obsessed and just happened to be the only person who didn't "talk to her like she was dying" and was happy to prattle on about herself and her little problems.
Obviously, you don't have to go that far! Be supportive and understanding of her, but also remember that she probably would enjoy a dose of normalcy. -
@Modern Daisy: @MegWag: @artbee: thanks girls. it seems like i am on the right track. i have continued talking to her about normal, every day, sometimes stupid stuff but also always ask about her sister. and we are going out to dinner tomorrow night.
her sister lives a few hours away so she makes the trip up there every few weeks, leaving her husband to take care of their toddler by himself. so i was thinking i'll offer to do some cooking for them while she is away. or maybe do some errands, like grocery shopping. maybe that will help her not feel behind on things when she gets back from those trips.
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@Andrea: aww i think you're being a great friend and i think it would be very helpful to offer help with errands and cooking while your friend is gone.
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@tequiero21: thank you, just trying to feel a little less helpless.
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I think helping out caring for her child if needed and cooking when she has to travel (or right after she gets back from a trip) would be much appreciated. My grandmother is in hospice right now and I know people bringing meals by the house has been a great help to my mother so she doesn't have to worry about grocery shopping and cooking. Maybe when she is home take her out for a pedicure or something similar so she has a little time to do something for herself?
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Like everyone has said, continue being the great friend that you are - I think at this point that is all you can do for now. I think it's a brilliant idea to run errands or cook a few meals for her family. Even, if you're up to for it, you can offer to babysit their toddler for an afternoon here and there to give them some adult time to be together?
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@Rubies: I was thinking of suggesting errands first since I don't know how comfortable she would be leaving her son with me, but that has been on my mind, too.
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I would just do anything you can think of to help out, errands, watch the house, walk the dog, make casseroles for the family (even if you don't know them).
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Update: I just learned that my friend's sister passed away peacefully this morning. Life is just too short for many people ....
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@Andrea: So sorry to hear that! Your friend is lucky to have good friends like you now during this sad time for her for support!
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So sorry to hear this!
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