Hellobee Boards

wow i need to send this to my mom! thanks for sharing!

Great post. I loved the advice about watching Mom's cues. I hated when everyone would take the baby and try to make me go nap. I wanted my baby and it just worsened my anxiety.

Loved this! Especially the first section where it talks about how she'll remember who is kind to her and a cute baby isn't an excuse for you to act like a jerk. My mom needs to read that whole article!

I wish I could have printed the "watch mom" part for my maternity leave! I got so upset when people would steal LO though I'm sure they meant well. The first time I cried postpartum was when my mom wouldn't give up holding LO and told me to heat up leftovers for dinner instead (she had bought things to cook that night).

OMG YES on the hand baby back to mom part.

No one would ever do that for me and I felt too awkward saying no. I literally, on multiple occasions, had someone take the crying baby out of my arms. It made me feel like a shit mom and I really, really struggled with that feeling for my baby's whole first year.

"How you treat a new mom matters. It matters for a long time. She will remember those that are kind to her. She will remember those that are not."

This is SO true! I've never been a person to hold grudges, apart from after LO was born and I'll never forget how certain people acted towards me.

This is great, I'm trying to decide if I want to post to FB! haha I don't' want to ruffle any feathers, but I'm 30 days out and it might be a nice reminder to people like "hey this is our baby (as in my and my husbands) it's not a community baby.

I hated when people took my crying baby from me like they could do it better or "doing me a favor." I'm the mother let me handle her and if I get overwhelmed then I'll ask you to take over so I can get a breather (I had a reflux baby so she cried a lot, sometimes I needed a break, but let me ask for it!)

Love this! Especially the bit about giving the baby back to mum!

@blackbird: Hopefully it'll be easier for you the second time around. It was for me. The hormonal meltdown didn't hit me this time around and I felt much more confident in myself as a mother, so things didn't bother me as much this time around. Plus I think my confidence was apparent to others - there hasn't been nearly as much of people trying to "help" me! And it helps having a toddler around for people to interact with when I want my baby back! I hope things go smoother for you this time around too.

The whole idea that a baby is somehow communal property just pisses me off no end. And the idea that as their parent, I am just supposed to hand them to whoever to hold and snuggle because "everyone loves a baby?" Don't get it. I love babies. I really do. But if someone wants me to hold theirs, they will offer. This was a great read, and definitely something I wish more people would keep in mind.

I was seen as an absolute dictator when I had my son (I allowed my mom to fly in when my water broke but only allowed DH at the hospital until after the baby was born. We ended up with an emergency c-section 36 hours later so my family didn't see the baby until a full day after DS was born. I did that because I am an introvert and get stressed out and even without my family I had a meltdown twice at the hospital because there were so many nurses and people harassing me. After baby we had no visitors for a long time other than my mom who stayed 3 weeks to help and I didn't let anyone touch him but my parents and my brother for several weeks. My inlaws came at 6 weeks and I had two friends who were nurses who got to hold him but otherwise that was it. For like 2 months.

I was like this because I was on high alert for PPD/PPA (which I ended up getting diagnosed for at 10 weeks postpartum) and I have no regrets because my son was a colicky refluxed hot mess for a solid 11 weeks and I wanted to die. If I had people up in my grill during that time I would have gone insane.

The absolute best way people loved on us was just by praying for us and sending encouraging check in text messages. My SIL said to me in one text: YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE. ITS SO HARD BUT YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. I will never forget that message.

Worried about this. My parents are flying in a week before my EDD, because my mom doesn't want to miss the birth. Not sure what she thinks she's going to be doing, because she is not coming into L&D with me! Also, if I have to labour at home for awhile, I plan to seclude myself in our bedroom with just DH. But I digress...

I'm sure my mom will be a big help with cleaning and cooking, but it's the first grandchild on both sides, and I'm afraid her and MIL will be grabby with him. Our dads are pretty laid back, but don't do cooking/cleaning in their own homes. Not sure how long my parents are planning to stay, but it sounds like my in-laws expect to stay for several days. They only live 2 hrs drive away, to my parents' 5 hr flight. My MIL said that she plans to jump in the car as soon as she finds out I'm in labour, and she asked that we have the spare bed in the basement set up for them.

So it sounds like it's going to be a full house, which could mean lots of help, or lots of interference. To make matters worse, one's asked my preferences on the matter.