The post about MIL relationships got me thinking....
What is your parenting style? How is it different than parents/in laws? Do you do anything you never thought you would? Or loosen up on things you did not plan on?
The post about MIL relationships got me thinking....
What is your parenting style? How is it different than parents/in laws? Do you do anything you never thought you would? Or loosen up on things you did not plan on?
eggplant / 11716 posts
I don't really know how to define my parenting style--it's a mishmash, I guess. I really care about things like naps and bedtimes and screen time and foods my girls eat on a regular basis. But I also have a high tolerance for their whining and I don't mind being the bad guy if it's for something I think is important. So I guess I'm pretty strict in some ways, but I also really like just playing and being silly with my kiddos. I read a lot about gentle and positive parenting, and I try to employ those tactics. But I'm in the camp that gentle parenting does not equal permissive parenting.
I don't really know what my in-laws were like as parents when my husband and SIL were little. From stories, I can't really tell. As grandparents, I think they care a little less about schedules and naps than me, but my own mom cares less too--makes sense to me, they aren't their kids so they are less invested. But both my in-laws and my parents will take our lead on those things and they don't press. They all really care about our girls and don't spoil them too much, which is great.
The main difference is that culturally, people from my husband's culture do not do early bed times for their kids. My SIL has a daughter that is 6 weeks younger than 15 month old. My kiddo goes to bed at 7:15 pm, and hers goes around 11 pm. But that's really typical for their culture, and they don't mind keeping kids up super late for parties and gatherings. So I'm an oddball in that context, but they haven't made me feel bad about it. Different strokes, and all that.
pomelo / 5791 posts
My IL's were....lax. DH got away with things that I would be afraid to even mention to my parents lol. The fact that both he and his brother survived is kind of a miracle.
I'm much more helicoptery. I admit it. In part because that's how my parents were, but also because I have major anxiety and that's just how I am. I'm a worrier. We are strict with some things, schedules/bedtime/eating together, but pretty relaxed on screen time as long as it's not effecting behavior. I try really hard to be gentle and a positive parent, but you know, I'm human and have my moments.
If I had to guess, my parents probably think I'm too relaxed and my IL's probably think I'm insanely neurotic. I'd like to think I'm somewhere in between
nectarine / 2018 posts
@ValentineMommy: "If I had to guess, my parents probably think I'm too relaxed and my IL's probably think I'm insanely neurotic. I'd like to think I'm somewhere in between " THIS!
DH was raised in an insanely lax household. They lived with his grandparents and "boys will be boys" was basically the household motto. Rules didn't really exist and the few times they did there was no follow through.
I was raised with very specific expectations and rules. My parents followed a schedule, had rules about food, were specific about what types of toys I could have, and really cared who I spent time with.
We are definitely more like my parents, but a little more laid back. DH has surprised himself with how different from his own mother he parents. So far I parent pretty similar to how I expected. When pregnant I thought screen time was a big issue - we made it to 19 months before DD had any. Now I think in moderation it's fine. That's really the only change so far. We'll see, we research parenting topics but ultimately just do what feels right for us, and more importantly what feels right for DD.
pomegranate / 3127 posts
I would love to parent like my MIL, but it probably wouldn't work because all kids are different and I'm raising mine in another family and in another society. The one thing we sort of have in common is being strict about behavior... but that's just now, I don't know how I'll deal with teenagers. I think that age was a little easier for her, ironically because of a bad family situation that made DH feel protective of her so he didn't want to disappoint her.
hostess / cantaloupe / 6486 posts
I definitely lean towards positive parenting but have my own twists (and, as PP said, my human moments. Or entire weeks. Whatever ). I'd also describe myself as more free range. Allowing my kids to climb and fall within reason or explore something alone (again within reason). But my MIL is much more a helicopter parent. She gets very worked up when I let my girls do things she doesn't think they should do. She also makes comments on how I choose to feed my kids but most of my "food rules" apply only to our house and are more lax out in the world, but she makes a big deal about it anyway. (You're so healthy! We never drank water, we always had cokes and juice for MY boys!)
My parenting is different from my parents as well but not so extremely and my parents don't make comments about the difference and they do their best to do it "my way" with my kids so it's less of a thing with them.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I am a smother mother. I don't think I am a helicopter (yet) but basically, I am the one that's in the playroom with the kids, will separate them as needed. My son is very sensitive and will full on cry at the drop of a hat, so I like to be there to see what happened so I am parenting with first hand information. He's guilty at least half of the time, so it's not that i think he's some special snowflake that isn't deserving of punishment. In fact, he often gets into trouble because of something other kids have done.
My parents, my father particularly, think I am too overbearing, but I prefer to call myself strict.
cantaloupe / 6923 posts
Attachment parenting, with bits of hippiness thrown in. My mil is a hands off parents. Or an absentee parent. Or an only worried about herself parent.
grapefruit / 4418 posts
We don't subscribe to one style, but we lean towards gentle/attachment/positive parenting and are laid back and relaxed. It's more similar to my inlaws' style than my parents'.
honeydew / 7622 posts
T is pretty easy so far -parenting to me is loving her lots and keeping her safe. I like the podcast unruffled but so far no major issues with behavior besides the occasional tantrum.
I have read several books on free range/unplugged parenting which I dig and will borrow a few things from. Mostly I will just adapt to what feels right for us and our kid and change as it's needed.
papaya / 10570 posts
My parenting style is anxious with a dash of stressed. I'm rocking it.
clementine / 990 posts
I try to be easy going with a lot of positive parenting. I do feel strongly about rules and food. And bed time. And about behaviour. But we strive to have fun and do things together. I also feel strongly about my husband sharing the load - and he does.
coconut / 8472 posts
I don't know that I have a particular style. In some ways I'm really laid back, like screen time and food. I feel like I'm pretty laid back about sleep - nap times are flexible and so is bed time. But then my parents kill me when they do things like let him fall asleep playing on the floor instead of putting him down for a nap like I told them. Or letting him stay up at night "because he doesn't seem tired." Sure, 15-20 minutes leeway, fine. A hour or more? Not cool.
We do time outs for what I consider serious offenses - mostly hitting and repeated not listening. But they're pretty rare. And afterwards we talk about why we were upset with him and hug it out.
I don't know if I hover too much or not enough. He's extremely accident prone. A couple weeks ago he had a fall and I'm not sure if we missed it or didn't think it was a big deal at the time and forgot about it, but as a result he now has a dead front tooth. This morning he almost fell down the stairs (luckily DH was right in front of him). He does things like smack his head on his learning tower (which he's climbed into a million times). So I'm constantly telling him to be careful. Yet, I'll let him roam a lot without needing to be on top of him all the time. There was another thread about family gatherings and keeping an eye on LOs - I tend to just let him down his own thing and figure people are keeping an eye on him.
eggplant / 11716 posts
@ShootingStar: I was thinking my post makes me seem super helicoptery, and I don't think I am. I am always with my 15 month old, because she's a daredevil and has a lots of spills and falls, like you mentioned. But I totally let my 3.5 year completely do her own thing at the park, at our family's houses, etc. She can literally be out of my eyesight for 30 minutes at a time. But she's a cautious, super sociable girl so she doesn't tend to get into altercations or get upset or do dangerous things.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
I don't really know how to describe my style. My biggest focus is making sure my kid feels safe and loved - this means I tend to be pretty laid back about things like laying on the floor with her because she wants company while falling asleep, I'm very physically affectionate, and I usually respond when she wants to play or do something with me, even if that means stepping away from something else I'm doing (within reason). I'm also particular about good habits (tooth brushing, solid meals, sleep schedules). In other ways (play time, toys, etc) I'm pretty hands off. She can do whatever she wants, and I don't hover unless there's a possibility of great mess or physical harm.
It's been interesting to observe because my mom always talks about how laid back she was as a parent when we were little (which I believe), but she's very hover-y with my daughter. Part of it is that they only see each other a few times a year so she doesn't know her abilities and limits as well, so she'll hover over her on the playground or when she's walking down stairs, whereas I'm very "whatever" about it. On the flip side, she doesn't care much about when she sleeps, while I do.
My MIL baffles me, to be frank (as does my FIL). They raised two great kids, so they aren't strangers to kids, but they seem to be completely clueless about what to do with a kid. My mom often goes overboard with buying things for LO, but my ILs haven't gotten my daughter a real gift once in her 3.5 years, just random junk from my FIL's wholesale business that's broken or gross half the time. They have no toys in their house, they've done nothing to make their space kid friendly for when we come visit. My husband doesn't even want our daughter to stay over at their house because they have old, ratty beds, no AC or heat, and there have been nails and other crap on the floor in the past. They don't really talk or engage with her much. My FIL still makes animal noises at her, even though she's perfectly capable of having a conversation. It's just really weird, especially when contrasted with how much work my mom and dad put into making sure that my daughter feels at home in their house.
pomegranate / 3375 posts
I try to be a respectful parent, but I don't think I have a "style". My efforts are met with a strong willed child, so it's made me a little more "intentional" than I thought I'd be. I think I thought since I am usually a pretty calm person, my child would be too.
My parents were authoratative - they yelled and spanked. Two things I don't do. I grew up with punitive discipline, so the ideal of natural consequences is new to us - but it works really well.
Overall, I think we're all "healing" our inner child as we parent our own children. I had a great childhood, but I want my kiddo to have a better, more respectful environment to grow up in. Of course, our kid is a nutjob, so most of our days are spent reminding her the kitchen table isn't for standing, and scissors are not used for cutting her pants.
clementine / 955 posts
Im going to call my parenting style "learning and adapting", pretty much whatever works for DS. I had zero supervision growing up due to an alcoholic/addict single mother, and as the oldest I took to mothering my two younger sisters. So I grew up quick, due to that one of my biggest goals is to make sure DS stays a child for as long as possible! I find that I plan to be strict on things that I never thought I would like no sodas, or sugar overload. No derogatory music around my kid, even though I love rap ha! As far as discipline goes, we'll see what his personality takes too. He is only 11mo
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