I haven't posted here in a while, but I am a wreck right now and need to get this out.

As some of you know, my DD is Autistic. She is a wonderful kid but has issues with communication which lead to frustration in the form of tantrums.

Today she wanted something on the ipad and couldn't tell me what. Her screaming grew louder as I asked her "Please, you have to tell me what you want" and then finally I said "Ok, if it's upsetting you we will just put it away for now." She kept screaming so I gave it back. Finally I was so fed up with asking her I said "Ok, I'll just take it" (or something to that effect) and she pulled on the ipad. A few seconds of struggle ensued and I finally just let go, and the ipad she was pulling on snapped back, hitting her square in the cheek.

I knew immediately what had happened and went into panic mode, got her in the tub, administered Motrin, Neosporin, ice, you name it.

The part that kills me is when this happened, she looked at me with huge eyes crying and said "Mommy hit me!"

Ladies, my DD is at the ER right now getting stitches and I have never felt so vile, horrible, low about myself in my entire life. My husband called to give me the update from the ER and she is in the room laughing and saying "Mommy no cry!" because I can not stop crying. I won't even spank my child, let alone ever intentionally injure her and I know this was an accident, but I don't think I will ever be able to put into words how horrible and sick I feel over this. This little girl is my life, and I did something to cause her injury. If I had just let her have the ipad the first time this would never have happened.

I am going to pamper her silly for the rest of the year. I don't know what advice I am looking for here, but I am hoping some moms with similar experience will step forward. Because right now I just want to hug her and ask her to forgive me. I wish it had been me a thousand times over.