I am so tired of TI, where DTD becomes so forced.
Anyone else feel the same way?
If not, How did you keep from getting exhausted by it?
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We definitely did, and it caused problems.
We had to switch to EOD, and I did some things that I know male me feel more in the mood (lingerie, flirting before, etc)
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No advice, but I hear you, girl. It's the same for us and I'm sick of being the initiator EVERY time!
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I agree its hard some nights I'm just so tired but you have to otherwise you'll miss your window. I think that's why its taking so long this time around because I just don't have the energy to all the time.
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I just lol'd reading your post title - if I didn't laugh, I'd cry! Forcing it is the worst. My DH gets super stressed out having to "perform," so we learned to improvise early on. When we're in the mood we just DTD, but when we're tired or not feeling it during my fertile window, he spends a few minutes of quality alone time making a deposit into an Instead Softcup, I insert it into myself, and we both carry on about our lives without tedious, regretful sex!
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@DesertDreams88: @NorthStar: @mrskrumpet: @ms.line: I am SO GLAD you ladies understand! Is it bad that was my first thought when o was discussing my next cycle with the dr?
@DesertDreams88: right now it feels like a chore, I need to do better about getting in the right mindset.
@NorthStar: meeeeee too!! I am taking vitamins/ meds, following all of the restrictions from the dr, why can't our DHs take this on?!
@mrskrumpet: at 2+ years in of IF, I'm just so over it! Lol I hear you about the energy thing!
@ms.line: how is the soft up working out for you? Do you think it will help you get pregnant? That's really interesting! And I totally get the laugh so you don't cry thing!
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@Crystal: my husband's response when I tell him that I'd like him to initiate is that I'm in the mood all the time, so why?? ok - seriously, just try, buddy and then perhaps, just perhaps, it will be more fun!! It's not horrible by any means, but could be so much better/more fun!!! boys!!
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@Crystal: We've recently learned that my husband's sperm count is super low, so sadly, no amount of Softcup use is ever going to get me pregnant. However, using Softcups for home insemination is super popular in queer & lesbian communities - you can Google a lot of great success stories! Personally, we find it super easy and convenient and my DH and I always have a good laugh when we do the "hand off!"
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@NorthStar: boys, amiright?
@ms.line: that's really interesting! Thank you for sharing! Ill have to bring it up to my DH and see what he thinks.
I'm so sorry to hear about your husbands numbers. I hope your plan of action is successful.
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Yes! So sick of it! It's so bad that I'm happy we have the iui do the job for us now
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@ms.line: I am digging that you guys are comfortable with this! I can think of so many women I personally know who wouldn't approve. great advice.
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@Crystal: I completely feel you. I'm EXHAUSTED lol. Im beginning to feel like the Magic in doing it is no longer there. Now we're doing it because we NEED to.
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@MrsKRB: that would be the one benefit to moving to that step!
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I understand. It was so stressful and not good for our marriage after a while. It was a relief to move on to treatments so our sex life could get back to normal.
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@Mrs. Pickle: there's defintely tension at times ughhh.
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Yes. This was a big issue for us too, and cause DH to get stressed out! Poor guy.
Ultimately we got pregnant via IUI but I was also so glad to move forward by then! -
@Mrs. Pickle: we had a forced break for a few months (polypectomy), and it's surprising to me how fast the hard feelings came back now that we are back to TI. This whole thing is so hard on marriage for so many reasons. I'd like to say I'm glad you relate, but it sucks any of us have to go through this.
@BabyTsMom: I totally get that, poor DHs. Thanks for understanding!
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@Crystal: No advice, just wanted to say that 1) I'm always cheering you on and 2) I like to think that a majority of the time, DTD for a planned pregnancy is anything but sexy or fun. It's a chore, the stakes are high so it's stressful, and you can only create forced intimacy on just-the-right-day so many times before it's easier to just do it because it "needs" to be done. Ugh....hang in there
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@Crystal: Oh I can totally relate! With IVF, the need to be forcing ourselves to try (for a snowball's shot in hell at conceiving) is gone - so it actually takes some of the pressure off, which is a massive relief. We used to talk it through, try to lighten the experience & if one of us wasn't feeling it, we'd be honest about it and just go with the flow. There is nothing more frustrating! *hugs*
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@Mrs. Pickle: We were exactly the same. It damaged our marriage...It was definitely a relief to move on to treatments.
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@ChiCalGoBee: thanks, friend! It does become such a chore, and I hate the way that I feel about it!
@jaguar: DH has been a trooper, but it's so hard to force myself to be in to it. If we get to the point of IUI, I think it will definitely take the pressure off.
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@Crystal and all: I am having a chuckle to myself because you all have been chatting about this for a few days and I just posted about our totally, unglorious, maddening TTC sex life on the 6+ month TTC thread. I saw this post's title a few days ago and skipped over it, thinking "I have nothing to add here because we can't even have enough sex to get tired!"
, I agree with the PP's who have said that we have to do things that preserve our sanity and marriages, which in DH/my case has involved talking honestly about where we are at and not forcing it.
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Omg, yes!!! I used to dread it sooo much. We are doing donor eggs and ivf now. But, when we were trying, I tried to mix up dtd (e.g. early evening, morning, or some other time). That way it felt slightly less scheduled if that makes sense?
Hang in there
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@Amorini: ugh, I don't know whether to laugh or cry! I'm so sorry youre going through that.
@winter_wonder: having a schedule definitely takes the fun out of it, I'll have to try mixing it up.
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@winter_wonder: How's it going with the donor eggs? We're doing that as well with retrieval next week!
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@momazon: yay for retrieval next week!!
Things are going well so far. I get a copy of our donor's med schedule this week. We are hoping for a retrieval at the end of June. I'm so glad to know someone else going through this!
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@winter_wonder: That's great! Our donor is in her second week of stims now so we will get updates on her progress every day now as she gets closer to trigger. We're doing a split donor program where each donor has three recipients, so it took us a long time to sync up and get started and I'm so glad to finally be close! I mainly post on the ongoing IVF thread, if you ever want to chat!
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@momazon: I need to be better at reading/posting updates to that board! I'm excited to hear more updates from you!
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