My daughter just turned 2 and I'm starting to really yearn for another baby. My DH has been on the fence about trying again because I went through a horrible time with postpartum depression and anxiety. We always thought we wanted at least 2, but this has really brought him doubts. I know I still want another and I think I'd be better prepared the second time around. Anyone else go through something similar?
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Hugs!!
It was not an easy decision for us either, and a huge reason was because of how difficult those first two years were for me. I also had a lot of birth trauma, and felt that physically and mentally I could never go through that again. I believe it contributed a lot to my PPD and PPA issues. I actually didn't even consider a second for those reasons until just before my son turned 4... then I started having baby fever and really had to think about why I wanted a second and if I would be okay.
I am just about 34 weeks with my second, and I can already tell this time is different. Waiting those 4+ years to try again made a world of difference. I had made it to a good place, health wise. I was on a great anti anxiety/antidepressant, seeing a therapist, and in a good place as a parent... so I felt ready. I truly don't believe I was ready before this.
And this time, I know what it felt like going through the PPD and PPA and I know I WILL get help right away this time around. I'll go back on my meds and I've kept up my relationship with my therapist. I definitely feel like that has played a part in why I feel better this time around, more prepared I guess.
I'll be thinking of you! It wasn't an easy decision and one you can really only make for yourself.
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Yes. I had a nightmare of PPA with my first. It took me until he was 2 to take it seriously enough to get medication and see a psychiatrist every so often to keep monitoring myself. Now he's almost 5, and I'm pregnant again. I am so glad I waited until I finally got my issues under control, and I'm also so glad I finally got my issues under control. Nothing like the do or die responsibility of parenting exposing your weaknesses and forcing you to face them. I am more proactive this time too with setting up a support system and expectations for myself. I am doing much more preventative care. I guess it just depends on how you feel you've changed since the first time. Those hormones are very real the second time around too. Nobody knows you better than you.
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I don't want to sound Tom Cruise-ish, but have you had your vitamin levels checked? I had a really difficult time after LO2 was born and while I was pregnant with LO3, it was discovered that my vitamin D levels were seriously low. Mentally I am like a different person in the post partum phase with LO3 than with either LO1 or LO2. I can't say for sure that fixing my deficiency is the reason, but I was bad about taking it for a while and could feel the anxiety creeping back in. Not saying this is the case for everyone, but I just want to mention it in case you haven't looked into any vitamin deficiencies or imbalances.
I do think since you know what to expect the second time around you will be more likely to be proactive about it. My sister automatically went on an antidepressant to ward it off and didn't wait for any symptoms but that was years ago so I don't know how it is typically managed now. Could you discuss your options with your OB prior to TTC so that you can set up a game plan? Best of luck! -
I also fixed some deficiencies and used encapsulated placenta and it was a whole different ballgame. So, worth a shot to consider?
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Just something to consider but the postpartum / newborn experience with my second child was worlds apart from that of my first. I didn't suffer from PPA or PPD, the first few months were terrible because I was a nervous new mother and bf'ing was pretty difficult. With my second baby I was in a completely different headspace (I knew I wasn't going to wreck my baby!) and I had a much better handle on any bf'ing issues that might have cropped up. There also wasn't the huge culture shock that goes with the arrival of a first baby.
I totally don't want to downplay (or compare) your experience but I just wanted to let you know that it can be a different playing field.
All the best to you!
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@Kemma: this is how I have been feeling too. I'm much less stressed about labor/delivery and the early newborn/post partum period. It was a huge shock with my first because nothing can truly prepare you for it, and my labor and recovery were difficult. I stressed about sleep and the right things to do with my baby and newly breastfeeding, it was so hard!
I'm so laid back this time and my expectations are way lower, in fact I have no expectations this time. I haven't had him yet, but I already feel much more peaceful than I did before. -
@CatchAFallingStar: I had a really rough time with PPD with my first. I was miserable and would wake up shaking and had a lot of anxiety. My second was born three years later and I never had any issues with him! I also knew what I would need from dh. I wasn't working but w saved up for leave for dh. We set expectations pretty low for the beginning months. We sort of had a plan of action for a lot of what ifs and thankfully nothing went awry. I loved the whole experience the second time around. It's definitely possible. I feel like my son was meant to be.
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Our firstborn was a nightmare baby and I had terrible PPA/PPD and frankly PTSD from the experience. It was 6 months until I felt like my son was a "normal" baby and that I was okay. I also had a very difficult pregnancy and delivery with him, emergency C-section after 36 hour failed induction, and breastfeeding him was terrible.
We got oops pregnant with DS2 and the boys are 20 months apart. DS2 was a totally normal pregnancy, I had a scheduled repeat C-section that was a breeze, and he is just the sweetest happiest baby. All of us, including DS1, adore him and while I hadn't planned on that close of an age difference, it really hasn't been that bad.
That said, we put a lot of things in place the second time. I went back on Zoloft for PPD quickly, I had a mommy's helper lined up to come on the weekends to help, and we kept DS1 in daycare while I dealt with a newborn. I also prepped a lot of freezer meals, had a housecleaner come every 2 weeks, supplemented with formula from the beginning, and put DH in charge of DS1 while I was pregnant. We put DS2 on a schedule from 3 weeks old even though he's very easy going because DS1 (my high strung kid) needs a rigid schedule and the benefit to that was that I was able to get naps in during the day and get breaks.
Its been crazier with 2 kids for sure, but other than DS2's second month of life (while we were getting his reflux sorted out) he's been a night and day experience. You are so much more relaxed as a second time mom. Also, I am 9 months PP and I'm still on the lowest dosage of Zoloft. I was off it by 6 months with DS1, mostly because I wanted to be off meds, but this time I'm way more relaxed about it and I'm just going to take them until they run out and play it by ear.
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Just had baby #3 in January. Started depression meds at 30w and plan to stay on for much longer than I did with #2. So far this has been a completely different, amazing experience. I feel level, balanced and good.
Are you on meds currently or would you consider going on prior to baby arrival?
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