Husband and I have been TTC for nearly 5 months now. I'm worried we're not having enough sex.
Last cycle, I told him we would need to have more sex around when I ovulate, and used ovulation sticks to help time it.
However, when it came down to it, he kept finding excuses not to have sex.
After a particularly fraught early morning session which didn't even start, let alone finish, he hasn't been near me since.
I don't want to keep being the one to instigate it. I have been dropping hints (both subtle and not) that I want to have sex, but he isn't responding.
I don't know what to do, I don't know how much longer I can keep waiting for the BFP.
I need to point out here, that we both want kids and he is eager to start a family with me.
Can anyone help?
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We struggled with this when we were TTC... I think I was taking all of the fun out of it and making it too regimented... Plus, he said it was a lot of pressure knowing now was the time, etc... So I tried to talk less about the timing (even though I kept using OPKs) but I stopped telling him, and made it seem more spontaneous, planned some romantic things around the time -- that helped!
But we did have to have a talk about it when I realized things weren't working - so maybe you guys should too?
The month it ended up working (of course) was when I really stopped obsessing and we were in San Fran for a trip and I only barely paid attention to my ovulation, but we had a ton of fun and didn't think or worry about it.
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I think it can just be a lot of pressure. I agree that it could help to just keep the details of when you're ovulating to yourself and just let him think it's sexy time for funsies.
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Oh, I feel you!!! I am having the exact same problem - When I try to initiate BD, I feel like I'm forcing DH to do something awful, not something we're supopsed to enjoy doing!!!
Strangely, my siuation has worked the opposite way to the (very good) advice you have been given above - it has been a lot better since I started sharing my OPK results with DH. The first month, I tried to make out like I was seducing him for the fun of it, I bought new underwear, I turned on the charm and I felt so rejected when he was too tired and turned me down (cue crying).
So we had a talk about it on neutral ground (not when I was Oing!) and we agreed that, if I said it was O time, he'd grin and bear it, even if he wasn't feeling up for BDing. Now, I just wave my pee stick in his face and he knows he has to do it. It's not always fun but I get my swimmers....!
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I had the SAME thing happen to me cycle 4 and 5. Hubs just totally seemed uninterested, and even when we would have sex, he wasn't totally into it and we didn't get anything accomplished.
Cycle 6, I decided I needed to spice things up. I was worried that I was making sex too much about making a baby and it was losing its fun. So I made a point to seduce Hubs early in my cycle, way before I was ovulating, just for the fun of it! Then when it was close to when I was going to ovulate, I decided to change it up a bit and I woke him up with some morning sex, then we had afternoon sex one day, and evening sex another. I tried to make it more spontaneous and more about the FUN factor than the "baby-making" factor. I think having sex early in the cycle helped get Hubs in the mood and STAY in the mood for my whole cycle, and helped us get over the hump we had.
Good luck to you!!
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DH wasn't always into BD either. In fact the month we got pregnant, I had to tell him, I know you don't want too but we are getting up at 5 for morning sex before his flight. It was fun once we got going but he wouldn't chosen to get up at 5 on Monday, for sex before a busy travel week for work. Good thing I forced him too
Maybe just don't tell him you are ovulating and like Adira said, make it more fun and spontaneous and he won't feel as much pressure. I had friends get to the point where they didn't tell their husbands when go time was cause the men felt too much pressure and then didn't want to have sex.
Hang in there!
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Thank you all so much! Apologies for the delay in responding but I got struck by Freshers Flu!
We have sat down and talked about this before, but he has to go away for work a lot at the moment so spontaneity sometimes has to go out the window.
I'll sit him down tonight and go through it all, because quite frankly, I don't know how many more months I can go with having BFNs.I just got confirmation it didn't happen this month so roll on the next cycle!
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Yeah, I would for sure try to take the medical part totally out of it for him. That was really hard for my husband too - he hated thinking that I just wanted to have sex to make a baby.
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I've been having the exact same problem with my husband. I think it is fairly common for men to feel pressured and kind of shut down.
We stopped talking about it and things have improved. I also stopped initiating so much, since that was very out of character for me before we were ttc.
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I'm sure this would have happened with my DH, he would have felt way too much pressure. He didn't want to know my fertile days, so I didn't tell him. As far as he was concerned we just had sex for fun the whole time! Sometimes I worried if we missed a day/night, but I have read lots of things that say every other day is good enough... so aim for that and any additional days are bonuses!
Good luck!
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