I've seen a couple times people saying they don't want to be their child's friend. I couldn't figure out how I felt about it but I know I do want to be someone my LO feels that they can come to when they have problems - whether serious or not. And I already think she's funny and we play a lot.
So then I was thinking uh oh, I'm in trouble, everyone says not to be friends with your kid. But I think as long as I go along with the friendship without trying to act like I'm her peer we'll be OK.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
I think it's a balance, you need your child to respect you like a parent, but talk to you as a friend.
The worst mistake is when parents won't set boundaries for their children because they're afraid they won't like them anymore.
I became friends with my mom once I became an adult. But as a kid, she was always my mother.
grapefruit / 4800 posts
@miss-spunkin: I definitely believe in boundaries and rules. I guess I feel a bit sad that I didn't feel I could talk to my mom as a friend growing up, even in college. We're close now and she's incredibly giving but I still have a hard time opening up to her because she was very firm on the I'm your mother not your friend attitude growing up and I became closed off to sharing with her.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@Maysprout: I think it may have been a generational thing. All my friends parents were the same way, but now it seems more parents want to be "cool" lol
coconut / 8234 posts
I didn't become friends with my mother until I was an adult. But because my mom was/is so young, all my friends treated her as the "cool" mom, but she wasn't cool with me. She was strict. Though when it came to sex/boys/birth control I knew that was something I could talk to her about because she was a teenaged mother and always let us know that if we wanted birth control, etc. she would take us, no getting angry.
I don't want to be as strict as my mom, but I want there to be boundaries. I want my kids to be able to come to me to talk about anything, but I'm not sure about being friends yet.
persimmon / 1465 posts
I want there to be boundaries. I'm LO's parent first and foremost. Sometimes LO won't like me and that's ok.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
I think you definitely have to set boundaries and probably the easiest/most clear cut way to do that is to say "I am your mom, not your friend". But if you also have a mutual respect and trust, then I think there should be no reason why you can't also develop a friendship overtime as well.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
It took until I was about 20-21 to consider my mom more of a friend than a parent, and I respect her for that decision. She is the one I call now to talk, but I think it helped me become a better adult/person by her having the boundaries. We were always close and enjoyed time together, but I knew who was in charge.
eggplant / 11824 posts
My mom always said the “I’m your parent, not your friend” line, and I plan to take that stance with LO. Being a parents vs. a friend doesn’t mean you can’t be close and can’t foster a relationship where your LO will come to you when she’s having an issue (as much as you can convince a teen to tell mom everything), I just think it means there are always clear lines drawn – mom is mom, not a buddy. “Friendship” seems like it would blur those lines. My mom also used to say (when I would say it was dumb she wasn’t my friend), that parenting is an unequal relationship – there is the adult, and there is the child; and they are not equal as one is in charge and one isn’t. In friendship, it’s an equal relationship.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I feel like my mom was a friend and parent. And ill try to do the same.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
Ditto at @yoursilverlining. My mom and I didn't become friends until well into my adulthood. We were close and I went to her for serious things, but I also didn't divulge all of my innermost secrets with her either.
grapefruit / 4800 posts
Yeah, I guess I'm almost thinking about work relationships too. When I have students or someone I'm in charge of I still develop a sort of friendship with them even though there are clear boundaries in roles and responsibilities. But I guess I've never seen those boundaries as boundaries to developing a friendship either.
cantaloupe / 6164 posts
my mom was my best friend growing up, and still is today. it was clear that she was my mother, and the boss, but i never felt weird talking to her about anything. i always respected her because she was my friend too. even when i was young, i knew that she cared deeply, and i never wanted to disappoint her.
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