...What would you say? There's a girl at our church who is studying to be a midwife that asked me this (very awkwardly, btw! But I think she might be a little awkward in general). I don't have a problem with her seeing my lady parts for learning purposes, just trying to decide if having her presence there would feel intrusive or not. Maybe I could say she's only allowed in the room while pushing, not during the period beforehand? And note that my language/behavior might not be church appropriate, haha. Any thoughts/wisdom? My doctor said he would kick her out if I say yes and change my mind but that seems mean.
-
Somebody from my church also asked to be in the room with me and I just pretended I thought it was a joke, but it was a different situation since it wasn't her career. Anyway, I say she will get sufficient experience in her training, so you needn't feel any obligation if you have any concern that her presence might throw off your groove. Also there are sometimes limits on how many people can be present with you - maybe you can use that as an excuse?
-
You're way kinder than me. This would have been my reaction.
But fwiw, I think only having her there during the pushing phase is very wise. You probably won't know she's there. Or you'll know she's there and scream at her to get out. Toss up, really.
-
@anandam: she did say that she totally understood if I say no, so it's not a big deal. I guess I just feel like maybe I should say yes since I don't feel super strongly against it? I have a week (or maybe less!) to decide.
-
I probably would let her, but I'm not a super private person. I guess I just feel that there are so many doctors and nurses there anyway, what's one more?!
You are the one giving birth though and I think your feelings, and that of your SO, are the primary concern. If you aren't crazy about the idea, I'd just make up an excuse or say you're sorry but you feel uncomfortable about it.
Good luck!
-
I was only allowed to have 3 people in the room, so I wouldn't have wanted to use one of those spaces for an acquaintance (but I wanted my MIL and mother there). I would also worry that things might not go as well if I wasn't comfortable with one of the people in the room. That's an awkward conversation to have for sure!
-
@Skadi: Haha! It was the most disjointed conversation ever, I was at a table in the foyer talking to people while she was asking, so it was easy to not give a response other than 'I'll get back to you!'
-
I would say no. I only wanted DH with me in the room.
-
@tororojo: My philosophy was to have no one there who wasn't serving a purpose. I'm a birth photographer (so, very comfortable with birth), and I didn't want anyone extra there. I'd say no unless you had a super special bond.
-
No way. That's not a situation where I want an audience. There are TONS of births on YouTube
-
When I read the title I thought no way but reading she is going to be a midwife I would let her. The only way we learn is by doing.
-
@78h2o: I think there were 10ish people in the room when I pushed DD out between residents, nurses, NICU...so yeah. 1 more probably wouldn't be noticeable!
@fairy: wow you're so much nicer than me! I didn't even want grandparents in the waiting room, much less delivery room. But I don't think I have a limit anyway.
-
In the words of my LO I would say "No no no no." I had very strong feelings about who was in the hospital (including waiting room) when I was in labor. I honestly wouldn't have noticed during pushing but how would she know when pushing starts if she isn't hanging around?
-
I didn't even want my mom there, and my husband was told to stay near my face, so.... no!
-
Mehhh.... I had a male student midwife in the room through my whole labor and there were 14 people in the room when I gave birth.
Id probably let her since she's studying to be a midwife.
-
Ha no, I wouldn't let anyone be there unless they were close to me and I felt comfortable with them.
-
@Mrs. D: you didn't let him watch?! DH totally held my leg and saw everything, he said it was fascinating. I imagine horrifying as well but whatever...
@Corduroy: I felt the same way about family members! My thought is that if I let her come watch I can just ignore her, whereas I'd have to be nice to MIL or someone like that. And kick her out when the cord is cut maybe?
-
Absolutely not! I can't imagine having anyone other than my care providers and my husband in the room for that moment.
I actually had a girl from my church ask if she could be my doula (she's a midwife...CPM) for my second baby and I decided I didn't need a doula after a bad first experience with one. I told her I'd see what my husband thought and never got back to her.
-
@coopsmama: weird that 3 of us have been asked this at church! I think asking to be someone's doula sounds extra awkward but maybe she was just trying to be nice?
-
It seems like she should be able to get expirence thru her training program. I vote no.
-
@tororojo: can you find out more about where your birth would fit in her training? Does she have objectives to meet etc? My feelings would probably differ depending on her reasons for attending.
-
@youboots: @Kemma: A lot of midwife training programs ask that a potential midwife attend 10 or more births as an observer only before beginning, just to get a feel for birth and make sure it's a career they want. I'm guessing that's why she wants to attend.
I still wouldn't let someone I wasn't close with attend my birth though, personally.
-
@Arden: interesting, in New Zealand trainee midwives are placed with a registered midwife rather than having to "source" their own births to observe. Having said that I know one acquaintance who was training to be a childbirth educator and she was responsible for finding three births to observe.
-
I would say no, but not on the grounds of being modest. I don't really care who is seeing my lady bits in a medical setting. For me, childbirth was such an emotional experience that I wouldn't want someone I didn't know intruding on that aspect.
-
I would say no because you don't know how you'll feel in the moment and I wouldn't want to have to worry about that. I didn't even want anyone at the hospital except my husband which was really better for everyone since we were there two days before the little one was born.
-
I would say no, simply because I don't want to have to worry about telling her I'm in labour or to come because pushing has started. If she was attached to the hospital and the nurses/doctors had "responsibility" for her, I wouldn't mind, but I don't need "guests" at my labour.
-
My reaction would be "LOL WTF NO".
-
If she's studying to be a midwife, hasn't she seen lots of births in a teaching hospital setting already? Students observe all the time! I would be OK with it if my dr was like "hey this student is observing, is that ok?" But I wouldn't want it to be someone I know in the real world!
-
No no no. I find it odd that she even asked that. If she's studying to be a midwife seems like they'd have some contacts for her that would have agreed to it ahead of time. That's just weird.
-
No thank you. That's a private moment shared with my husband.
-
i wouldn't... i don't even want my parents or in laws in the waiting room! so i think they'd be pretty offended if i let a random from church haha. i think she'll have plenty of opportunities to observe births through her schooling, no?
-
I think that would just be a distraction that you don't need. I would just want to focus on the experience and not have to be mindful of someone I didn't know very well.
That is so super weird someone asked that! I have no idea what medical training is involved in midwifery, but it seems like she should get that experience as part of her formal training? The same way that every MD did OB rotations?
Super awkward and super weird! You are a very nice person to even entertain the idea:)
-
If I could get over the 'seeing the lady bits' part, I'd be fine with it. I actually had fun labors, and almost wish there were more people around! But, there's no way I could get over the nakedness part.
-
I would probably say no. I would feel far more inhibited and uncomfortable with a casual acquaintance in that room than a bunch of strangers. I really think there is a huge effect on labor when the mother feels even slightly uncomfortable and I'd only want people who were of actual support and comfort to me in the room. I know it's a little awkward to say "we're really trying to limit this to a few people in the room as possible" now, but it'll be a million times easier than when you are in labor.
-
Nope. I wouldn't want anyone in my pictures that wasn't family... If you decide, make sure you set some rules. Like stay put and don't be in anyone's way, especially loved ones, doctors, nurses, or even a photographer if you decide to have one.
-
My gut reaction from your title was going to be no but reading that she is studying to be a midwife sways me over to a yes so long as you are comfortable with having her there.
-
Nope, just my dh, THANKS.
-
Hell no.
-
Nope. I think it would be better if she learned by attending births of people she didn't know. It would be so awkward for me to allow it and then see her every week at church.
Slightly related - one of my good friends loves photography and is very good. She has offered to take birth photos for us, but I don't know if I can handle it. I don't mind a birth photographer if it was someone who wasn't my very close friend, but for some reason I think it's weird to only allow my husband, my mom, and then this one friend in the room taking pictures. Would my MIL be offended? My SIL? I don't know...
-
Hmmm. That's awkward! She may have been given the task of finding births to observe as part of her training, so I guess it's not that weird that she asked, but the way she went about it seems strange! I might have been more inclined to say yes if she'd taken the time to explain exactly why she wanted to observe and what her objective was? Like if she went into detail about her training program...maybe during the next week you could tell her you'd like some more info about her training and you could chat and see how comfortable you feel with her?
Subscribe to our newsletter
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
44 comments