If someone told you they had a miscarriage but then told someone else they had an abortion. What would you do? I cant give much details except that someone I know is dealing with a friend who is telling some people miscarried and telling others she had an abortion
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Yikes. Maybe she told you she had a miscarriage because she didn't want to tell you she had an abortion? Like, maybe she was ashamed to tell you, or she thought it would upset you, or something like that?
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I wouldn't really say or do anything.. It's unfortunate that she isn't being honest to some people in her life but I think if she were my friend, I'd give her space on the topic because she must be going through some difficulty either way. Abortion &/or miscarriage can be truly difficult to cope with. Like @Arden said, maybe she's ashamed or thinks her decisions might've upset people
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miscarriages can be medically induced with pharmaceuticals to electively abort a pregnancy. a D&C can be performed during a natural miscarriage or as an elective abortion. i wouldn't say she's lying. miscarriage is a heart braking thing to go through, but an elective abortion is also a loss, though different, it is still a trauma. i imagine it would be difficult to talk to some people and have them be sympathetic as there is such a stigma against abortion in our society. i would say this friend has gone through a traumatic event and is looking for support, however her pregnancy ended.
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Ok. This is all good advice. This is why i love hellobee, I gain perspective here.
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@mrs. bird: Totally agree. It's difficult no matter what happened.
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It's so hard to know what really happened. She could have elected for an abortion due to medical reasons and be calling it a miscarriage, too, so she doesn't have to explain herself to everyone. Maybe she's referring to the d&c as the abortion-the medical community often refers to miscarriages as abortions, too, albeit spontaneous typically
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well this friend of a friend told some of her friends she didnt want the baby. but then told others that she had an unexpected miscarriage.
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Ooh thats tough. I had a friend who did that in high-school because she didn't want people to know she had an abortion, she didn't want people to know she was pregnant but it got out and around fassst. She was so embarrassed that she got pregnant anf felt awful about having the abortion so she just told people she lodt it. I knew the truth but I wouldn't think too highly of her if she had lied and then i found out
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I don't know if I would judge, because you never know. Maybe she tested positive for a chromosomal abnormality that is fatal outside the womb but didn't miscarry naturally and her doctor recommended she abort. Who knows.
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Maybe she planned on having an abortion but miscarried before? Lying'a not good but the whole story may not be out.
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I don't really think it is anyone's business, nor is there anything to 'do' about it. The only one that knows the truth is her, and regardless of what happened she needs support.
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@MsMini: agree.
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I agree with Mrs Bird and Ms Mini.
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I'd not think twice about heresay, and really, it doesn't matter. I would just pretend I didn't hear any gossip.
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I think this is a very personal thing and that it doesn't really matter. I don't even care if she did lie, she probably just didn't want to be judged... People have strong opinions about abortion.
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I've had this happen to me once, this acquaintance-girl randomly started telling me about her miscarriage when we were in our ttc process and I mentioned it offhand to someone and they got a really funny look on their face and said, well she didn't have a miscarriage, she had an abortion. I just said, well, that's what she told me and I wasn't going to question her but...it made me angry she felt the need to lie, mainly because she made me feel stupid for believing her. and also bc i actually had 2 miscarraiges. but I've never had an abortion so i can't really put myself in her shoes.
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@MsMini: couldn't agree more!
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I would just try to support her. Either way, whatever happened was probably very difficult on her one way or the other.
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Thanks everyone for all your opinions
@MsMini: I think its easier said than done to just say theres nothing to do, because if this is your close friend its definitely feels weird that they are telling another close friend a different story
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19 comments