cantaloupe / 6923 posts
It must be sensitive friday...
I'm sure I'll still be having kids at 35. I don't have an age where I wanted to have all my kids by. Just will stop when I reach my magic number.
clementine / 903 posts
@Synchronicity: Agreed!! I get sick of the assumptions either way!! Just on these threads people tends to focus on the negatives of being older so that's what I focused my post on.
pomegranate / 3053 posts
I'm also with @Mrs. Jacks: about enjoying my 20s and early 30s free and roaming the world. Although, I wish I could say that I'm more patient... or it could be the craziness that happened when we moved overseas and it still hasn't ended, especially with two boys. Who knows.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
I wasn't insulted and I'm on the other side of 40. I think until you have perspective, you just don't know. Like when I was 10 and I thought 16 was so old... Or when I was 20 and thought life was over at 40.
I just want people to know that just because someone is having their kids over 40 doesn't make them crazy. And just as I don't judge younger moms, I would prefer if people didn't judge older moms.
Look, when I was 35, I thought "oh I'm too old to have babies" because that's what society and even my doctors said. Imagine my surprise when we ended up with a honeymoon baby at 38. I wasn't ready for a second until I was 40. At that time I probably could have conceived, but for a variety if reasons, we chose to adopt. The thing is, I didn't feel any different at 40 then I did at 38 or 35. You just feel like you.
Now at 43, I still get pregnant easily but still definitely see the toll of older eggs. But that's the only problem. I feel just fine. My partner who is 32 works to keep up with me. I do most of the nighttime awakenings in our house because he doesn't do well without sleep.
If you look back at your family tree like I have, you'll see many if the women having their last child at 45. So the older mom thing is a bit overhyped in my estimation. Fertility docs have a very vested interest in having us feel insecure about babies at older ages.
I also spent time in some TTC over 40 boards. Lots of successful pregnancies (and some heartache to be sure)... But we all feel just the same as every other mama. We do yoga, hike, ski, travel, run. We're not hobbling around with walkers in nursing homes.
And so while I respect the desire to want to be done by 35, I implore folks to respect the desire of moms to be moms after 35. We're not crazy or weird. We're just mamas... And for me, I didn't discover the love and desire to be a mama until my late 30's. I'm so glad I did figure it out though as I have fully enjoyed my amazing life both before and after my babies.
pomelo / 5660 posts
@Synchronicity: I don't think anyone's intent was to make younger moms feel bad. However, I think the way the question was posted in the thread it made it seem like "older" moms needed to justify why they would have kids over 35.
grapefruit / 4089 posts
@BandDmommy: Oh, I get that! I'm just saying that you can be in your twenties and have your life together, that's all, because that always gets brought up in defense of having kids later. For the record, I did say that I would definitely TTC past 35 if that's the route my life took me. 35 is such an arbitrary age, it really doesn't mean anything.
pomelo / 5660 posts
@Synchronicity: Agree, everyone is different.. And at different stages of life.. Some people don't want kids at all.. Of course they are not on this site
coffee bean / 27 posts
Huh, I'm in way better shape now than I was in my 20s. Looking to have my second when I'm around 35/36. Will leave the door open to a third child to close out my 30s. Most of the young moms in my family really have it hard trying to scratch out a living, so I'm happy I got my education and bought a house first.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
I'm hoping I'll be 32 when we have our miracle baby or babies. If we want LO 2, I will most likely be 35 or older.
I thought I would be 33 and be finished having babies but then IF happened. Oh, well.
pear / 1558 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: amen, sister! I'm 41 & pregnant with #1. This is my life. I love it. I don't spend time thinking about "what ifs" because I just don't see the point.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@GoGoSnoGirl: Big hug! It's going to be awesome! I hope the rest of your pregnancy is smooth sailing. You are going to love being a mama so much.
It looks like you are a snowboarder? I am too
pear / 1558 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: thank you. yep, & can't wait to get back out next season after baby is born.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@GoGoSnoGirl: Now I've got two little rippers! It's so fun to see them loving the snow as much as we do.
The worst part of being pregnant was missing a season. My OB only allowed me to snowboard until 15 weeks. As soon as baby was out of the pelvis, she asked me to stop.
pear / 1672 posts
I have not read all of the answers, but I have no choice. We started TTC when I was 34 and I got pregnant our first try. We are thinking about #2, and I will be 37 when we start trying again if it's before September. I didn't get married until I was almost 32, and we weren't interested in having a child right away. I had no interest in having children on my own without being married, so I was not going to try to get pregnant before then. I had a fairly easy pregnancy the first time around, so we'll see what happens should there be a next time.
apricot / 288 posts
It was amazing, but on my 35th birthday, my ovaries fell out and wrinkled up in front of me.
pear / 1672 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: This X 1000. I remember being 13 weeks pregnant at a class in the gym, and I was outperforming young women who were clearly in their 20's and NOT pregnant.
Also find their to be a subtle jab when this issue comes up. Most of HB is married. I'm sure many waited to have children until they married. I found my husband later and didn't want to be a single mother like my mother. I waited until I found the right partner for me. Some of you found that in your early 20's, but some of us didn't. I'd rather bring a child into a healthy, stable partnership than to just have a child for the sake of saying I had one before a certain age. Sometimes I think people need to recognize that.
Apologies if this was brought up as I am just reading the answers now.
pomegranate / 3375 posts
We will be done by 35, but I would absolutely TTC if that's where our life plans took us. I have two dear friends who are pg at or near 40, and they make it look easy!
bananas / 9227 posts
We're TTC for #2 and I'm 37, turning 38 this year. I'm hoping to conceive before 40.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
No and not because of age. If all had gone as childhood me planned, I'd be married at 25, have kids out of the way by 30. Most of that is so we have energy for our kids. It has nothing to do with medical reasons for us.
clementine / 918 posts
I had L when I was 29, planned to have a second 4 years (give or take later) at 33 - sounds like a great plan right? Well, when L passed away that changed everything. Now I'll have a baby at 31 and still plan to have a 4 or so year gap and have my second at 35. To me, maintaining the gap I wanted was more important than not crossing this AMA, 35 years old line (although I reserve the right to get baby fever and end up with LOs closer in age). I don't think that "AMA", over 35-thing American doctors use is the most important factor in deciding what's best for my family (although I consider it, because it does have implications on egg and sperm health).
persimmon / 1483 posts
I mean, I'll be 35 when we start to TTC number 2 in a few months, so I guess I'm ok with it This is an odd question for me to answer because I never had a timeline of when I wanted to have kids -- so it never occurred to me to disappointed that I won't be finished having kids by 35. There was a lot that I wanted to do before I had kids (law school and achieving a certain amount of professional success mainly) and those things take time. Plus I really really enjoyed my 20s and early 30s (both single and with DH), and feel like if I'd had children earlier, I would have missed out on some really great experiences. That said, because the clock is undeniably ticking, I do feel a tiny twinge of jealously for those of you that are younger and don't have to take your own age in account when spacing future siblings.
apricot / 347 posts
I wouldn't be opposed to it but I'm 25 and pregnant with #2 already so I think by 35 I'll be done just because of spacing. I don't need a dozen!
pomegranate / 3411 posts
I wanted to be done before 30, then I decided to pursue my PhD and changed it to being done by 35, then I got pregnant by accident before I was done school so I took longer to finish school AND got a full time job exactly in the field I wanted...so here I am at 34 and just starting to TTC for #2. I just missed being done before my 35th bday, but I hope to give birth to #2 while I am still 35.
watermelon / 14467 posts
Before I had H, I wanted two kids and I wanted to be done by the time I was 30. But then I had her, and things changed. I'll be 30 in October, and we are not close to starting to TTC. So, We still want two kids, but I'll be in my 30's and that's okay.
honeydew / 7235 posts
I feel like I did/do have the choice and yes! Going to be 35 next month and TTC #2. I have/had no timeline. We just wanted to do things as they felt right at that time in our lives.
grapefruit / 4988 posts
I had my first at 32 and would like to have our second and be done at 35, but that's really for spacing reasons. I'm almost 34 now and I feel great so I don't think that will change much in a year. I'm definitely healthier now than when I was in my 20s!
cantaloupe / 6800 posts
I wouldn't. If I didn't have any children before I was 30 I wouldn't have any at all. Nothing at all to do with AMA but more to do with the fact that I don't want to be an older mother and want my kids grown by the time I'm retired
papaya / 10570 posts
I'm going to ignore the fact that people were/weren't offended by this thread and just answer the question!
I was 32 when I had #1 and will be very close to 35 when we start TTC #2. I'm not worried about all my eggs drying up or anything (!) but I really think it would have been better for me to have had my children earlier. Ten years ago, I could go out until 3am and still get up for work in the morning, several nights a week. Now, at almost 34, I need 9 full hours of quality sleep per night to even function. Ten years ago, I was a lot more flexible; I used to leave washing up on the side overnight and dump laundry on the bedroom floor. Now I'm totally set in my ways, I like things just so and am stressed out by all the mess and the noise. Unlike pps, I earn slightly more than I did in my twenties but not much and I'm possibly facing redundancy this year.
Of course, the other side of that is I had a damn good time in my twenties and I wouldn't take a minute of it back!
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
Interestingly I met my husband at age 21 but we were both on pretty serious career tracks and didn't marry til 29 and didn't even think about kids til 30. It was a conscious choice that I'm glad we made. I'm 34 and just had #2 and am happy with where things are. Turning 35 in a few months won't deter me from having more it's other stuff like having had difficult pregnancies and just maybe being done.
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
@shortcake: lol!
I really am surprised at how many are so vehemently opposed to children after. 35.
clementine / 903 posts
@winniebee: your story could be mine (hopefully). I just found out I'm pregnant at almost 30. Didn't even think about trying til recently.
pomegranate / 3314 posts
Add me to the list of people who are healthier and in better shape than they ever were in their 20's. My twenties were for bad decisions, lol. The sleep deprivation, on the other hand, would have been a lot easier on me had I given birth ten years ago.
pear / 1650 posts
@yoursilverlining: same here! I'm 36 and literally don't feel like I have less energy at all than when I was in my 20s!! We might TTC for #2 when im 37. No problem! I'm glad I lived my 20s child free and was able to travel child free etc!
eggplant / 11716 posts
I personally wasn't ready for marriage or kids in my 20's. Not ready at alllllll......In my 20's, I honestly never wanted to get married and couldn't even imagine having a kid and my life revolved around social events and traveling the world and dating as many interesting foreign boys as possible, haha.
After 30, I started seeing marriage and kids as an option rather than a death sentence, haha. Side benefits were that I married someone my age who was ready for kids and financially ready for fatherhood, so it made it easy to jump right in without needing time to save money, etc.
So for me, I can see having kids after 35. I'll be 35 when we have LO #2 and althogh I'm pretty sure we're 2 and through just because I can't deal with this hyperemesis a 3rd time, but if I didn't have HG I'd be fine with having a 3rd after 35.
My mom had 6 kids, the last of us were when she was 36 and 41 (surprise!) and she's very "young" for her age--she says it's cause she has to be to keep up with us, haha. But she's in much better health and more active than my MIL, who is a decade younger.
Today | Monthly Record | |
---|---|---|
Topics | 0 | 0 |
Posts | 1 | 0 |
Ask for Help
Make a Suggestion
Frequently Asked Questions
Bee Levels
Acronyms
Most Viewed Posts
Hellobee Gold
Hellobee Recipes
Hellobee Features
Hellobee Contests
Baby-led Weaning
Bento Boxes
Breastfeeding
Newborn Essentials
Parties
Postpartum Care Essentials
Sensory Play Activities
Sleep Training
Starting Solids Gear
Transitioning to Toddler Bed
All Series
Who We Are
About the Bloggers
About the Hostesses
Contributing Bloggers
Apply to Blog
Apply to Hostess
Submit a Guest Blog
Hellobee Buttons
How We Make Money
Community Policies