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@SweetiePie: I think a lot of this is up to you. How much control to you want to have. You could meal plan for every day and give her a timeline of events/naps, or you can start like that and then let her take more control as she gets more comfortable. I think it's probably unrealistic to think that you can dictate everything that goes on throughout the day, or maybe not unrealistic but stressful for you.

There will be an adjustment period as she moves towards taking on more responsibility. Keep communication open so that you can both have your expectations met and you'll all do just fine.

@SweetiePie: "I'm his mom, I do it better, no one really knows but me".

Eh. Yes, you're his mom. To me, that means that I get way more cuddles and hugs than anyone else. My son has a definite (and sometimes exhausting) mommy preference. It is clear that I am his mom, and he seeks me out whenever I am around, even if our nanny is there. But I don't care who picks out his outfit or makes his food (as long as his diet is healthy). Those details matter to me a lot less than my overall relationship with him.

Every 20 minutes you spend preparing food or deciding how to micromanage your nanny is 20 minutes you could be spending playing with your kid or doing something for yourself.

(I am an especially lazy mom though! But I have a stressful full time job so being lazy about chores is my coping mechanism.)

We have a nanny share - it's our 11mo (I think our LOs are just about the same age!) and the other kid is 13mo. LO is (finally) on a pretty regular 2-3-4 napping schedule so we try to have the nanny stick to that as much as possible. We've always had a "flexible schedule/routine" approach and it's pretty easy to communicate that to our nanny. We try not to nitpick on the particulars -- sometimes she puts him down too early or late for his second nap, but that is something that DH and I comment on to each other but realize it's generally not worth mentioning to her.

Bottles/eating are another issue - we don't have much of a schedule so the nanny uses her judgment in terms of when he eats. We still use baby connect so we can track bottles/napping and everyone (me, DH, nanny) are all on the same page. I think we all find it super helpful and we can passively "check in" on him throughout the day without bothering the nanny.

As far as what he eats, I generally pack him a "lunch" - we use a bento box (yumbox) - and then we have general snacks available (pouches, puffs, frozen veggies, Cheerios, teething biscuits, etc) that the nanny can give him as needed. The other family in our nanny share takes the opposite approach and just sends/leaves food and then the nanny can decide what of that their child can have. If we had our own nanny I'd probably be a bit more relaxed about it, but given that our nanny has to deal with two children (and the other kid in the share is a bit difficult/doesn't nap much), I'm happy to pack him a lunch every day and make her life a little easier. It takes about 5 minutes and I usually do it while I'm cleaning up dinner the night before. We also just leave pre-prepared bottles and then some extra premade formula - again, it makes it a little easier on our nanny if we do it that way, and we have to make them anyway!

@SweetiePie: What?! Pre-made salmon?!!!

In my case, I went back to work at 3 months, but I worked from home twice per week and only went into the office three days per week. So, I spent a lot of time around my nanny when she first started working for us. And I was nursing and pumping, so I would coordinate feedings very closely with her.

I *was* a bit of a control freak about my pumped milk, but that was because it was so hard won and I had to be careful about managing my supply. There was one day when my mom messed something up and we had to toss some milk, and I got so irrationally upset about that!

We started to introduce solids at 5 months. For the first few weeks I chose which foods to introduce, but our nanny started doing some basic preparation then (like making purees).

My point is, we had a natural transition into letting her take more ownership of feeding T.

Even now, she prepares food differently than I would. She still purees some stuff for him -- he's 17mo -- whereas I would be more inclined to experiment with more "regular" food than she does. But he can eat with utensils, and he gets to eat chunkier stuff with us on the weekends, and it all balances out.

@SweetiePie: Congratulations on going back to work! I returned after 2 years and it was a long transition with the home things. I was so used to doing everything myself and I relinquished a lot of control to my retired parents.

Now, I don't even make my son's lunch, my mom makes him breakfast, she packs his lunch, on my long commute days, she makes his dinner. She also does his laundry if it is needed, takes him to his appointments, etc. All this to say, if you can farm it out to someone else, do it. There aren't enough hours in the day to worry about all the minutiae.

I think it will become easier to let go once you fill your days with work. Your mind will not be filled with all of the minutiae but rather will have other things to focus on.

I think @ElbieKay: was right on in saying that the time you save by delegation can be spent on quality time with LO. I like the fact that our nanny takes care of his meals and bath so that when I get home, we just have fun! One way to express your preferences, of course, is to buy the kinds of foods you'd like him to eat. But I'd let her prepare them how she likes and in what order (within reason of course). As far as the naps go, their wake times get a lot more flexible after a year so just having a set nap schedule might be the way to go. Give her a half hour window for when he sleeps late or gets up early in the morning. Good luck! It will be fine!

I don't have childcare in my home but I thought a daycare perspective might be helpful. LO has been in two types of in home daycares. At one we packed the lunches so we had total control. At the other they make lunch with their own food and other than LO's food sensitivies we don't have any control. I would approach it that way. Either prep a lunch the way you like it or give the nanny control to prep it her way.

Good luck with your transition!

I have a nanny and we've had her for almost 3 years now. She took care of my first son and now she takes care of both my first son and second son. She has been a nanny for over 10 years and I completely trust her judgement, but the trust was something that was developed over the years.

Anyway, similar to you, I'm a control freak. So, what I do is make/prepare all foods the day before. I have a shelf in the fridge where I keep the boys' foods. Their lunch is already prepared for them and placed in bentos inside the fridge. Their snacks are prepacked in their lunch/snack box and any "extra" snacks are kept either in the designated shelf on the fridge or in a bin on the counter.

Sometimes she shares her lunch with the boys and sometimes they go out for snacks (i.e., an ice cream if the day is hot), but overall they just stick to whatever I prepare in advance.

When the boys were younger, I asked her to keep a log of when they ate and slept, but not so much anymore. I usually have a debrief with her when I come home and ask what they did for they day, how they slept and what they ate. Since she doesn't drive and they take the bus to go to the park, etc., they're on a pretty strict schedule, so I know when they come home, eat, and sleep. But, every once in awhile they deviate, and I've learned that it's ok and a late nap every once in awhile doesn't hurt anyone. Also, as I mentioned before, I've learned to trust my nanny and realize that no one is going to do things exactly like I do, but as long as what she does is based on keeping them happy and healthy, that's all that really matters.

I did all the meals for LO for the first few months so the nanny would know what sorts of things I wanted her to eat, then let her take over while writing it down in a notebook so I knew overall what she was getting during the week. I also gave guidelines (for example Always give a veggie and a fruit at lunch, always give a fruit with breakfast) Since your nanny has been with you for awhile she should know what types of things are ok. I would let her do it. That being said, if boiling sweet potatoes is a big deal to you, let her know. You are her boss, it's your kid and if it's going to stress you then just tell her. I have a few things that I am picky about and I am sure it's annoying to the nanny, but I try to make it up in other ways (ie good pay, time off, raises, gifts etc) I guess that makes me feel like I am not a terrible person to work for.

Also- if I am being picky about something, I try to explain why I feel that way. (Ie: I prefer for her to have veggies boiled because it is not as healthy or he needs to wake up by this time or he won't go down for me at bedtime, or in my case I am picky about the laundry because our washer is old and cheap and if you don't do it this way the clothes don't get clean)

It's very hard to trust someone in the beginning, but you'll get used to it and eventually will be greatful for a few less things to worry about.