Hellobee Boards

Thank you so much for posting this article! We definitely need a more nuanced conversation about it than IT'S ALWAYS BAD NO ONE SHOULD CO-SLEEP. I understand why black and white messages are easier to get across to the population at large (no co-sleeping, not 1 drop of alcohol while pregnant, etc) but that leaves people feeling isolated and anxious for doing something that can actually be beneficial. I credit co-sleeping (co-bedding) with helping my son thrive, helping my husband and me feel bonded with him and able to sleep, and helping to establish and maintain an amazing breastfeeding relationship. I'm going to share this article with friends!

@wonderstruck: that was my problem with having c in our room, much less bed- I woke up at every little sound or movement and couldn't fall back asleep. We would cobed occasionally on bad sleep nights, but I would never sleep well. I wondered if that would go away if we did it all the time.

@wonderstruck: In our case we bedshare and I sleep topless or in a strechy cami. So yes, when she starts rooting I wake slightly, guide her head to my boob, then fall back asleep. In the beginning I would wake up completely and stay awake for awhile, but after a few weeks it became natural and I sleep well.

@wonderstruck: I think it depends on the mama and the baby. We coslept for 8 months and never got to a point where we slept well (either of us). My daughter woke up a TON (like every 60-90 minutes most nights) and was chronically over tired, and I always woke up when she did. She nursed at every wake up. I loved it, but it didn't work for us. She (and I) immediately started sleeping better when we transferred her to the crib.

Regarding the original post- I think that the best approach is for pediatricians/ OBs/ Midwifes/ Hospital staff to be trained in safe co-sleeping practices, so that if they have a family that is interested and can do so safely, they can support them. Our pediatrician was very supportive of our co-sleeping because we didn't have any risk factors.
From a public health perspective, I think it still makes sense to advise against co-sleeping on a population-wide level. There are lots of people who really should not/ cannot safely co-sleep. I've worked with clients who had risk factors but chose to co-sleep anyway- there were some horrific outcomes, including loss and permanent injury, in several of these cases.
I get that when there is a "rule" people who break that rule may feel some guilt or shame, but in my mind that isn't a good reason to get rid of the rule. I do think it would be great if more providers could provide support to people who choose to safely co-sleep. For example, I know that many people are afraid to co-sleep so they sleep with the baby on the couch, which is more dangerous. If they had been able to have a conversation with their provider before leaving the hospital about what the risk factors are, and how to safely co-sleep if you don't have any risk factors, that situation could be avoided.

@wonderstruck: I found that very true in my experience as well. Once J was 4-5 weeks old, we slept together until he was 4 months old. As much as I did like it and think it worked well for us, my sleep was so disturbed. I had so much anxiety about it- fear I would hurt him, roll on him, he'd sleep to close to me/a blanket/etc and not be able to breathe, etc. I was so paranoid about it. So while yes, he slept incredibly well as a result of sleeping together, I did not. Ultimately, that is why I chose to transition him to a crib at 4 months.
I would love to be an advocate for cobedding, but man I was a nervous wreck, I think if maybe we had slept on a hard surface,no blankets, I would have been better about it? But I was also freezing all the time from having to keep the blanket at my waist.

@Silva: I agree with you. My doctor, who is also my son's doctor, was so on board with us sleeping together and that support meant a lot. But even if she hadn't, I probably would have done it anyway... So why not just share how to do it safely. As a mom, I definitely did a ton of research prior about how to do so safely but there are many others who would benefit. I truly believe the greatest number of co-bedding related deaths result from unsafe sleep conditions (obesity, medication, blankets, fluffy bedding, partners...etc).

Thanks for sharing this! My SIL has given DH a lot of crap about us planning to cosleep (thankfully she apparently doesn't feel comfortable enough with me to harass me about it), because she's known people whose kids were hurt doing it. The problem is that they clearly weren't doing it safely, but she won't listen to DH when he explains that. If she brings it up again we'll direct her to this. We're also getting a little nest thing to have her sleep in (between us) when she's very small, so it won't even be possible for her to get rolled on or roll herself somewhere unsafe (one of the people SIL knows, their LO wound up between the headboard and the mattress, this will block her access to that area completely).