Not sure if its PC to post about this, but am curious how IF has impacted your intimacy with DH. Personally I've been struggling because I'd love to get back to the place of intimacy being about connection, fun and not a means to an end. Even doing our 2nd IUI, the BD doesn't happen too much beyond when it 'needs' to, and it worries me! Any advice on how to find balance with this?
Again, my apologies if this topic is crossing a bee line!!!
clementine / 901 posts
Yes!!! We are struggling with this. We ended getting into an argument a month or two ago about it. He obviously wants more intimacy and I don't feel sexy, I feel broken 
but we talked a bit and I have made more of an effort to DTD outside of the fertile window and being more relaxed. Its not completely like it use to be but we are working on it.
bananas / 9899 posts
We have a healthy sex life, but before IF it was so much more easy going... Like for instance (tmi) it wasn't a big deal if he didn't finish in me, or if we abstained for 4 or more days... but now we always make sure it goes that way or it just seems like a waste to both of us... It sucks.
nectarine / 2433 posts
@SunshineMcC: I think this is something that comes up a lot with IF. My SO and I have to make an effort to make sure we BD outside our fertile window. I think the fact the we won't have an "oops" takes some of the fun out of it....not sure if that makes sense??!
nectarine / 2192 posts
Thanks for posting. While we haven't hit the medical definition of IF (AF came today so now in 9th cycle TTC), I feel infertile and there is so much pressure during the fertile window. All it seems like is lots of stress making sure DH enjoys it, and feels like it doesn't matter if I do. (This is not true, DH very much cares, but we both know his enjoyment is essential while mine is optional.) During other times, it makes me feel like "why bother?"
eggplant / 11861 posts
@MrsTal: I agree with the broken part, I've never told DH but I at times feel less of a women and not as sexy now that I feel it is hard for me to (get pg) I know what he will say if I told him...he would say I'm crazy and he loves me and we are in this together, but I just can't shake it at times.....
eggplant / 11861 posts
@pui: I agree with you too, tmi but when it is in the fertile window time, I stay away from oral/foreplay I've heard saliva is hostile to sperm....lol
pomelo / 5628 posts
We still haven't recovered from nearly two years of IF (and some trauma after). One suggestion I have would be planning a special time that is not during any "window" so it's really just about each other...
pear / 1786 posts
IF definitely has impacted the frequency & natural-ness of our intimacy. And still does even though I am 15 weeks PG (there were vaginal progesterone suppositories and now no intercourse due to a partial placenta previa). I think it will take some time after baby arrives before we can hopefully get back to 'normal.' I only worry that by then (around 3 years total) our intimacy will never be the same.
nectarine / 2600 posts
Um...yeah. I could write forever about this. I'll just agree with those of you who said you feel "broken."
DH was getting "antsy" and we got into a small tiff. But then he must have looked something up online b/c he's been really super sweet to me. He came home from work one day and said he was sorry if he was putting pressure on me and he wouldn't say anything til I was ready again. I'm still waiting to feel ready again
pear / 1580 posts
Agreed.
One blessing in disguise has been this chicken pox vaccine that I recently got. I started volunteering at a children's hospital and had to get a vaccine and was told that I shouldn't try to get pregnant for two months (it's two shots, spaced out by 4 weeks). At first I was bummed that we had to take a break (what if I miss the perfect egg??), but relationally, it's been refreshing for sure.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
It was rough for at least a year. Timing sex was so stressful and took something away from it. The best thing for our intimacy was moving on to IVF! We know we can't conceive ourselves so the pressure is gone. Things are better than they were before we started TTC now.
eggplant / 11861 posts
@TheSwissWifeStyle: Broken, is how I feel now, I feel that I am not ready to start again, but I want to get pg....lol
persimmon / 1085 posts
Oh man, our intimacy went right out the window during the two years it took to get pregnant. Between all the stress, surgeries I had, then timed intercourse with IUI's, depression I was in at times with not being able to get pregnant, our sex life really suffered. Then after getting pregnant with IVF, we had to abstain the entire 1st trimester, than I wasn't in the mood the last two trimesters due to pregnancy itself. It was truly something, but luckily returned to normal a few months after our son was born.
pomelo / 5000 posts
I don't think this question is crossing the line. It's obviously a real issue for IF folks, and I know it's impacted that side of our relationship.
@Jenn23: thanks for sharing a positive story from someone now on the other side of things!
persimmon / 1085 posts
@Happygal: Sure! I think it is something so many of us have gone through, but I didn't have anybody in real life to talk to about it. It was hard and reading this post today brings it all back! I think it just goes hand and hand with infertility for most women!
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