Is it possible that *I'm* doing something wrong?

Is it possible that I'm doing something wrong?

By babycanuck Dec 28, 2013

I keep having these nightmares and nagging feelings that I'm doing something wrong to prevent us from getting KU.

- I'm a bit overweight, I know I could try and lose the weight but I need someone to seriously kick my behind.
- I don't have the greatest eating habits, although I'm very conscious of this and do make an effort to eat way better than I did even a year ago.
- I'm taking omega 3, b12 (to compensate for a deficiency) and just got my pre-natal vitamins in the mail
- DTD every day during O or EOD
- BBT isn't working well since my sleeping is wacky
- My stress level has gone from 4000% to 2%, just a little bit at work but I'm much better now at allowing things to roll off my back.

What else could I be doing besides exercising??

Sigh.

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43 comments

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Vegmama
pear / 1799 posts

Dec 28, 2013

It took us months & months ... I got pregnant the month after I cut out gluten, started running, and lost 5-10 pounds. I think my body just needed a little restart. Good luck!!!
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Dec 28, 2013

It doesn't sound like it's anything *you* are doing wrong. Sometimes these things take a little time for no real reason at all. It sucks.
Lindsay05
pomegranate / 3759 posts

Dec 28, 2013

I don't know what the *ideal* is when it cones to ttc. It sounds like you are doing your best. Keep trying to focus on being healthy and try not to see it as your fault. Good luck and I hope you get your bfp soon.
Snowdrop
pear / 1846 posts

Dec 28, 2013

I have thought about this so many times but I think the reality of it all is fertility just isn't fair. Don't beat yourself up, I'm sure you are doing everything right. Hugs
Mrs.Someone
pomelo / 5228 posts

Dec 28, 2013

You're not doing anything wrong. Remember, drug addicts get pregnant... Hang in there!
Glitter
persimmon / 1281 posts

Dec 28, 2013

Not sure that you are doing anything wrong, but a friend of mine tried for about five years with no luck. Her doctor advised her to get healthy first - balanced diet and proper exercise and that would increase her chances of getting pregnant. Six years later with no intervention and she now has three girls.
Crystal
grapefruit / 4028 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@babycanuck: how long have you been trying?
babycanuck
pomegranate / 3105 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@Crystal: this is my 13th cycle in a year. There is a lot of back story about hubs not wanting to go for testing. My GP doesn't think it's me, although you never know. If no luck this cycle he said we could revisit the idea of him going for testing, then my doctor will send me to a specialist.
Crystal
grapefruit / 4028 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@babycanuck: oh Hun, I'm so sorry. That's rough. Do you think he's just nervous it is him? Are they going to send you for testing to rule anything out?
babycanuck
pomegranate / 3105 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@Crystal: I think it's nerves, pride, men being men. They won't send me for anything until he goes. I called around myself and no one will take me without a referral. I suppose such is life, I'm just trying to rule out anything I am for sure doing wrong myself. I've also been doing acupuncture since September, but need to take a break as the cost adds up a lot.
Kemma
grapefruit / 4291 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@babycanuck: if it helps at all it took DH and I a full year of trying to get our BFP and neither of us have any known issues. I truly believe that it just takes a wee bit longer for some couples.

Hugs to you!
Kemma
grapefruit / 4291 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@babycanuck: is your DH taking a multivitamin? I'm sure that it helped us!
babycanuck
pomegranate / 3105 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@Kemma: Hah. Again the manly man is too manly to take vitamins it took him getting really really sick to realize he needs to take metamucil daily!
Crystal
grapefruit / 4028 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@babycanuck: I think all we can do is focus on our personal health. (At least that's what I'm telling myself.)

It can't hurt to try to eat cleaner and get in better shape! And you have some really great goals above.

However, there's only so much you can do on your own before one of both of you need to explore it with a doctor. Does hubs know how you feel about it?
babycanuck
pomegranate / 3105 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@Crystal: He knows I'm frustrated with the whole process. He is much more relaxed about it all. I think talking to friends he realizes we're not the only ones that its taking a while for, but that doesn't help.
HolisticMama
persimmon / 1167 posts

Dec 28, 2013

:: hugs ::
Oh, @babycanuck, I'm so sorry that you are struggling! I think everyone struggling TTC wonders this same question. You aren't alone in your doubts.

There are lots of things you can do- seed cycling, luna conception, yoga fertility, castor oil packs, essential oils, herbs, prayer, sleeping with a kokopelli under your pillow....but it's possible that none of those things would help, especially if it's potentially a sperm problem.

Although you can certainly focus on other aspects of your health- it would definitely benefit your wellness in some regards, but might not produce the results you are looking for.

It sounds like answers are right around the corner! This cycle is so exciting...either a BFP or starting down a different path of clarity. Exciting stuff!
HolisticMama
persimmon / 1167 posts

Dec 28, 2013

Also- I weigh over 200 pounds and my reproductive endocrinologist didn't mention a single thing about my weight, which I thought was surprising. So don't let your weight weigh you down. Ha. Bad pun. Sorry. Did it make you smile?

I was thinking of training to walk a half marathon this year not for health so much as to get my mind off of baby making. You could look into some healthy outlets, as well.
Crystal
grapefruit / 4028 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@babycanuck: mine is the same way. I don't think they realize how devastating it is to get your period month after month.

He assumes that since it takes other couples a long time then we are still in the normal range and nothing is wrong, we just need to keep trying. It's so frustrating.

Are you charting or temping or anything?
babycanuck
pomegranate / 3105 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@Crystal: I am temping, although it's totally out of whack this month.

I ordered some more wondfos for my next cycle

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/babycanuck
Hopefully it shows on there, been wacky
Snowdrop
pear / 1846 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@babycanuck: I know you've probably already tried this but could you get him to o for a SA by saying 'I know there won't be anything wrong with you but the doctors won't start dealing with any issues I have before they have your results and I'm getting really upset and stressed out about it, I think starting treatment will help me relax in the knowledge that we are going somewhere' my DH is a man's man and he doesn't understand the worry either he says, if it takes 3 years that's just 3 more years we have to enjoy just the two of us... With I had that attitude! Thinking about you
babycanuck
pomegranate / 3105 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@Snowdrop: Done that and tried. Let's see how things go after this cycle.
Snowdrop
pear / 1846 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@babycanuck: urgh men! Seriously I wish I could just chill out and play on my xbox till we get a bfp!
Crystal
grapefruit / 4028 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@babycanuck: I am just starting to get into tracking and temping, so I'm unsure how to read that, sorry.

I also just ordered some wondfos too- here's hoping for baby dust for us!

Did you read tcyof? How did you get started with the tracking and tempings?
babycanuck
pomegranate / 3105 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@Crystal: I have it on my e-reader and I read a little bit, but I haven't read the whole thing. Maybe I should keep myself busy with that. I also read the beginning parts of What to Expect but stopped after "so you got a BFP". I saw people on here using FF and that's when I started to do it. I have stopped at different points in time out of frustration but started temping again this month. Most of the time i used it to track how long i had my period for and how often we DTD.
Crystal
grapefruit / 4028 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@babycanuck: I rarely wake up at the same time, so I'm not sure how effective temping will be for me.

Did you find What to Expect helpful?

Some of the resources makes getting pregnant seem so easy, it's kind of depressing.
babycanuck
pomegranate / 3105 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@Crystal: Not very helpful for me, although I tend to be a pessimist to begin with. I do think it's realistic on what are good things to do to help in the beginning stages. I don't know. I think I'm just feeling lost including my rose coloured glasses. lol
Mrs.Someone
pomelo / 5228 posts

Dec 28, 2013

I realized that my earlier response wasn't very sensitive (I wrote it too quickly, sorry!) My point is, that we can do all the right things, or all the wrong things and it may not make any difference unfortunately.

Whats your DH's latest on getting tested? Does he realize that he's the road block here?
ScarletBegonia
persimmon / 1339 posts

Dec 28, 2013

I was borderline overweight and lost about 20 lbs with exercise and portion control...I then got pregnant on my 3rd cycle trying (6th month, for various reasons). It helped to have something to focus on during those months besides the wait for ovulation, madly having sex for many days, and the the dreaded wait. Whether or not losing weight actually had a positive effect on my fertility I'll never know, but it certainly had a positive effect on my mindset.
Best best best of luck xx
Crystal
grapefruit / 4028 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@babycanuck: me too, friend, me too. Hugs to us both.
babycanuck
pomegranate / 3105 posts

Dec 28, 2013

@Mrs.Someone: I'm almost into the TWW and after this cycle we are going to discuss the SA testing. Hopefully he's more open minded this time.
Mrs.Panda
nectarine / 2358 posts

Dec 28, 2013

I know what you mean, I feel like I'm doing something to prevent us from getting KU. I mean, it is my fault because I don't seem to be ovulating, but still! I need to work out. Let's do it together!
SweetMamaM
pear / 1743 posts

Dec 28, 2013

A couple of things that seemed to help us were cutting back caffeine, visiting a Chiro (me) and eating less convenience food. I'm not saying any of that will get you pregnant, but it might be some other options to feel like you are doing something.
googly-eyes
GOLD / pomelo / 5737 posts

Dec 29, 2013

I'm no expert but I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Sorry you are having to wait so long. Hopefully your dh can get on board for testing. I don't get why the doctors require that. I mean I do but I don't.
Honeydew
kiwi / 568 posts

Dec 29, 2013

@babycanuck Don't put that added stress on yourself by thinking you are doing anything wrong ttc. I do hope your dh can be a true partner and go to see if it may be a male factor.

We ttc for 12months w no bfp and went to an re. Dh was prescribed clomid to help up his testosterone. At 23 months of ttc we were about to embark on the Ivf path, and turned out we got a bfp on our own. That cycle I gave up caffeine, but other than that we kind of gave up ttc because of our plan to start the Ivf process.
T.H.O.U.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

Dec 29, 2013

The other book that's good in the e reader (and free I think) is the sperm meets egg plan.
pui
bananas / 9899 posts

Dec 30, 2013

I don't think you are doing anything wrong at all.
septca
GOLD / pomegranate / 3688 posts

Dec 30, 2013

On the contrary, I think you are actually doing everything *right.* The low stress level is really key in my experience - easier said than done, I know. Rather than starting a hardcore exercise program, I would concentrate on getting in a yoga class 1-2x/week. That REALLY helps me - it's great for your body and mind.

Also, not sure your husband would go for this at all, but one supplement I believe in is royal jelly. It's great for men, too, and really easy to take (just a spoonful a day). If you think there is any chance your husband would go for that (my DH and I did it together), I don't see any harm in trying it.

ETA: I went and looked at your charts. The only things that seem at all off to me are your short LPs and spotting before you get AF. Both of those things can be symptoms of something - usually a hormone imbalance. I know you said your husband is anti-SA, but how does he feel about you getting some testing done? If I were you - with your charts - I would ask about getting CD3/21 testing to start.
babycanuck
pomegranate / 3105 posts

Dec 30, 2013

@septca: As long as I can remember I've had dark CM/spotting for a couple of days before AF, and with the exception of the first two years I got my period, I've always (random 2 months in the last 3 years excepted) had a 28 day cycle. I've been off BCP for two years now. My doc has tested me for her stuff, she won't send me to an RE until DH goes, but I keep seeing on here B6 helps with LP so maybe I'll do that next month.
Snowdrop
pear / 1846 posts

Dec 30, 2013

@babycanuck: I've started with b6 and will be doing vitex too CD1-O after I get AF. I have a LPD too because of elevated prolactin. Maybe we could try it together? I should be due on tomorrow and feel no cramping what so ever so I'm hoping the b6 might be starting to work.