One month ago, after my miscarriage, I thought I would never be able to feel happy again. I was sure I would be followed by the dark cloud that had formed over my head and in my heart for the rest of my life. I was heartbroken and I thought it would never heal. My doctor reassured me that what I was feeling was mostly hormonal, but that didn't seem right. The sadness was coming from my heart. I was suddenly in a very dark tunnel, and I thought that was where I would stay.

Last week I finally started feeling better. I had two days when my heart actually felt light. I could sincerely joke with my colleagues and laugh with my husband, and not feel like it was a total lie. Suddenly a light had appeared in the tunnel, and I found myself walking towards it.

The pregnant me almost seems like a different me. She existed before. She's not here now. I remember her, but she's not me. Not anymore. She might exist again one day, but not today. In the meantime, she exists as a sweet memory.

One month ago I was heartbroken. I've put that in a box and tucked it on a shelf in the back of a closet that hides in my heart. It's not completely better. It might never be because I'm different now - but my heart feels better, and I'll take better.

There's a crack of light in the cloud.