My hubs' partner's daughter is having, I think, a bat mitzvah(?)... What should we get her and how much to spend? Is $100 too cheap? Think partner!
P.s. I guess u don't have to be Jewish lol. If u have gone to one....
P.s.s. I think it is a girl... But just in case it is a boy....
10 votes
squash / 13764 posts
Usually it's traditional to give money in multiples of 18. I've never known anyone to get gifts for a bar/bat mitzvah.
grapefruit / 4703 posts
Not Jewish, but went to about 15 bar/bat mitzvahs in 7th/8th grade. Pretty sure I gave them all money. Think of it as a wedding for a 13 year old. At least around here (MA) they were treated exactly like weddings - DJ, photographer, speeches, semi-formal attire, favors, etc. I think $100 sounds reasonable.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
Money is always nice. Like @hilsy85: said multiples of 18, $100 isn't cheap at all. Its like a wedding I think, I give what I can afford and try to at least cover my plate.
If you want to give a gift you can give some sort of judaica like a star of David necklace or something like that. Jewishsoure.com is a good website for that stuff, and of course you can always find cute things on etsy.
honeydew / 7968 posts
Thx ladies!
@hilsy85: So... Like $180?
@Rachel: Is $100 reasonable everywhere? We r in jersey and not sure if we should factor that in...
@hilsy85, @artbee: what is the significance of 18? That's interesting. Never heard that before..
squash / 13764 posts
@tequiero21: You don't NEED to give multiples of 18, it's just more traditional...I usually go by the same rules that I would for a wedding--how close am I to the family, how fancy is the event, etc. $100 isn't cheap at all--if it were a close family member and it was a formal bat mitzvah, then I might be more likely to give $180. But either way, you're fine! 
squash / 13764 posts
@tequiero21: It represents chai, I think, which means good luck and life.
grapefruit / 4703 posts
@tequiero21: I guess I'd say do what you'd do for a wedding. Maybe (if you can afford it) go for $180 - it's tradition like Hilsy said, which shows you did your research, and it's safely in the generous range. Can't hurt to impress the partner, right?
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
@tequiero21: its chai which means life and represents good luck.
cantaloupe / 6146 posts
I got lots of gifts for my Bat Mitzvah. Very little cash. The best were some pretty necklaces, some donations to charity in my name, and some nice Judaica (ritual objects like candle sticks, besamim, kiddush cup).
I recommend: Jewish books, jewelry, or a mezuzah with a real scroll inside.
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
I made enough money at my bat mitzvah to buy a car when I turned 16 three years later. I.e. most people gave me cash.
grapefruit / 4235 posts
DH's cousin's girlfriend's daughter (whew!) had her bat mitzvah last year and we gave her $54 - it wasn't super-fancy, and we aren't that close to her. DH's cousins who are closer to her gave less than that.
nectarine / 2152 posts
Cash or a gift, it's up to you! I got both at mine (some jewelry and pretty judaica stuff and some non-Jewish stuff too, as well as cash) and when you're 13 years old, you pretty much think any present is awesome:) If you decide to do cash, I think the amount can be somewhat dictated (just like at weddings) by the apparent fanciness of the party and how close you are to the family, so that's really your call...
honeydew / 7968 posts
update: the party is this weekend and apparently, $188 is very low. let's just say it's black tie and they want us to contribute what a charity event would charge for a seat. nice.
honeydew / 7968 posts
@dagret: @pastemoo: haha someone at the office was saying all the docs r contributing the same amount... Apparently, this is a huge event...
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
Wow. Ive never been told what to gift. That's pretty rude!
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