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GOLD / cantaloupe / 6581 posts
@mrbee: @Mrsjets: Agreed. This many threads going off the rails and becoming adversarial is ridiculous.
As for her getting pregnant immediately, well, that's her business and I wish them happiness.
honeydew / 7303 posts
Watching the duggars is a guilty pleasure. I'm not at all surprised and think it will be fun to watch.
clementine / 927 posts
That's awesome! I really admire Jill Dugger and the Dugger "way" (even though so different from my life! All the children are so well raised and respectful! This new little one is coming into a family with a lot of love.
coconut / 8498 posts
@sorrycharlie: "I don't think it's so much that people can't disagree but the constant undertone of judgment that's getting to me."
Ditto.
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
@ladybee: i would be sad if you left!
i don't really follow the duggars, but they seem like nice people with strong values and i'm happy for them!
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
Thank you @mrbee. I agree.
@ladybee: I know what you meant and I agree with you.
I am a little cynical toward the Duggars' lifestyle and I know what folks mean when they say that they open themselves up to the criticism/judgment. But I am sincerely happy for them. I can't help but love them when I watch the show. I think they are good people, albeit different than me, and I really think this is genuinely exciting for Jill & Derrick, as it should be. I think it will make for fun TV as well.
nectarine / 2079 posts
@ladybee: I agree with all of your sentiments. The comments in this thread are the type of comments that create the mean girl culture we all fear our daughters will grow up in. Doesn't matter if it is a famous person or the person next door, when you get nasty about a persons life choices that have no affect on you, it is mean.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
Didn't they kiss for the first time at the wedding and probably have sex for the first time either the night of their wedding or shortly after?
For me, considering when I lost my virginity, and when I decided I wanted to start a family is awfully fast for me. But I wasn't born into a huge family with a very fertile mother. I'm sure she wants to have a ton a kids.
Good for her and her very fertile family. I wish I was young and fertile like her.
But Yay for me for beginning my IVF journey and about to drop at least $16k to try to get pregnant with baby #1. (Self pity party for me. No one needs to join me.)
ETA: I think if you've suffered with infertility, it is perfectly normal to be jealous at someone's else fertilty. We try to cope with it and try to remain positive but sometimes we aren't as strong and the bitterness comes out. I see nothing wrong with this. Now, at the 'celebrity' status to it and yeah, you get some opinions. Not saying these people deserve our opinions but it happens. Particularly, right now, I'm rather annoyed with my journey to get pregnant and jealous at fertile people. Just remember some of us didn't have an easy journey to become mothers. We don't have sit here and be thrilled and over the moon in someone else's fertility.
Perspective can go a long way in judging comments on here.
pomegranate / 3045 posts
Wow, I am so behind the times - I didn't even know they were married! Last I heard they were engaged. Ha! I haven't watched the show in a while, but I admit I am a little fascinated by the Duggars. Their lives are so different than mine! But it's fun to see.
Is it horrible that a teensy part of me wondered if they timed their wedding night/honeymoon for when she would be ovulating, based on this timing?? Ha.
But good for them! They seem like they're really happy, and it's great that she has such a support system in her family for being a young, newlywed mom. I wonder if she will still pursue being a midwife?
Anyway, I don't know why, but I always love hearing about when 'celebrities' are pregnant
watermelon / 14467 posts
@ladybee: It's their choice and I'm happy for them. Babies should be celebrated, regardless of whether WE believe it's the right choice. Would it have been the right choice for my family? No, but more power to them.
pomegranate / 3791 posts
I have seen a change in the tone of the boards, but come on now, people. Someone starts a thread that is basically about some celebrity gossip, and because everyone doesn't say, "Yay! She's so awesome and I completely agree with all of her life choices!", it's called judgmental and sad. People have an obvious reaction to the fact that them having a negative opinion is being called judgmental and sad. Then it's mean and bullying and a bunch of other people start chiming in about how we should all be happy for her and supportive and it's none of our business. So somehow it makes sense to be sad and judgmental of other opinions because we think that their posts are sad and judgemental? In what world does that make sense? It's completely hypocritical. And this wouldn't even be an issue if people had just responded directly to why they disagreed with other poster's opinions instead of bashing the fact that people have an opinion.
Yes, sometimes I disagree with celebrity's life decisions! Gasp. Please tell me if you have never commented on a celebrity's life in a negative way, because I'm thinking that the number of people that's true for is very limited.
grapefruit / 4862 posts
Super happy for them- I very much wish we had started having kids sooner. Kids don't mean that life is over. When I had LO I felt like my life had begun. I am a big fan of the Duggars and wish them lots of happiness. And I'm also not a fan of the way some of the posts here have progressed lately. Makes me very sad.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@wonderstruck: if it was just one thread, I'd totally agree with you.
It's a broader issue than one thread, though. A number of people have told me they don't feel comfortable posting lately, because they feel they will be attacked in response. That's not a healthy dynamic for a message board...
pomegranate / 3759 posts
@mrbee: yep, this.
If it was only one thread, whatever. But majority of the threads are immediately judged in such a passive aggresive tone. Its fine to disagree but there is a way to express it respectfully.
cantaloupe / 6059 posts
@cyndistar3: This. Exactly. I couldn't have said it better.
I'm thrilled for them! I have an extremely similar story in my own marriage - DH and I used birth control for one month of marriage and then pulled the goalie and got pregnant on our 1st non-BC cycle. We had a 2 month old on our first anniversary. (On our second anniversary we had a 3 week old and a 13 month old.) Like Jill and Derrick, we hadn't had sex before our wedding and had spent the majority of our short relationship before marriage long distance. We may not have gotten to experience a lot of the world (via traveling, adventures, careers, etc.) together before getting married and starting our family before we are incredibly happy and wouldn't change our decision.
I absolutely don't think our decision is right for every couple and every situation - but I have to hope that it is right for Jill and that she will be happy! I wish them well.
apricot / 469 posts
I think that the Duggar's culture/beliefs are really unusual in the U.S. (Hence the TV show!) and maybe a little difficult to understand in the mainstream but they are happy / secure in their world and this is the future that they expected and likely wanted so I am happy for them.
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
Congrats to Jill! I haven't watched the show in ages...is Jessa married too?
@coopsmama: I also had 2 under 2 by my 2nd anniversary!
honeydew / 7811 posts
@MsLipGloss: it is YOUR opinion that no one was being snarky, or that someone was being dramatic.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
I'm happy for them. It looks like they are following in her family's footsteps and that is what they want to do! I hope they have a big, fat healthy family.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
@coopsmama: we also had a two month old on our first Anniversary
cantaloupe / 6397 posts
@ladybee: if you're leaving, wall me with your email? Would love to stay in touch!!
I'd have to agree that the tone on the boards lately is very mean girl-esque. I would love for that to change but not sure how possible it'll be to get back to a more accepting, friendlier message board!
pear / 1787 posts
threadjacking a bit but i wanna chime in... i am shocked people are saying the tone of the board has taken a bad spin. i'm new to HB but was on WB for years. and since I joined HB i haven't gone back to WB because i find Hb SO MUCH BETTER and so much more supportive and less judgey/mean. i have never seen any snark on this board! so it's just a bit shocking to me that people are feeling that way.
as per op: i actually really like jill and derick. i was mezmerized by their story. i think if i was in their position though, i would've liked to take some time to have some fun practicing baby making before i jumped right into the actual baby making. and the public announcement right away is a little premature, in my opinion, but good for them. the family is definitely odd to me but so fascinating to watch!
pomegranate / 3160 posts
@ladybee: I pretty much feel the same way.
I think there is an overwhelming feeling that the main "clique" basically runs the site. Their posts get comments, they comment on each other's abd drive those posts up, so it seems like those are the only users around. That's just my personal opinion and observation though, and my personal reason for stepping back from the site some.
pomegranate / 3791 posts
@mrbee: I think the fact that it is a broader issue is causing people to see problems where they don't really exist. How do we get the boards back to a friendlier place when people are routinely being bashed for starting threads? As far as I see it, that's been an issue and it's exactly what happened here - yet when people stood up for the OP and her right to create the thread and not have just positive things to say, they got bashed for doing so. It doesn't make sense to me. If anything, I think it would be helpful to have a rule about not questioning/bashing someone for creating a thread and questioning the validity of it. Bullying people into closing a thread because some others don't like has been an issue lately, right?.
cantaloupe / 6800 posts
@wonderstruck: It's not the celebrity-ness or different opinions that caused this drama it's all of the bitchy "+1!"'s and the ganging up on users because one poster had something shitty to say and their loyal followers are right there to "I agree with you!" and be rude for no reason. As usual.
FWIW, I love the duggars. They seem like nice, well rounded people and I'm excited for them. I do think they should have given it a few more months just so they could cash in on the pre-pregnancy sex, but I'm sure they won't but the breaks on that train now that it's rolling
nectarine / 2272 posts
@wonderstruck: this.
I'm perfectly happy for them, but I did have a few comments on the whole (somewhat unorthodox) situation.
I'm noticing lately that i'm kind of afraid to comment on things, especially if its a dissenting opinion! It feels like agree, or don't comment...
pomelo / 5257 posts
In the words of Ron Burgundy -- well that escalated quickly. I'm a little tired of the insinuation that people are being "mean girls" if they don't necessarily agree with the choices of every other woman. Am I happy for these people? Sure, whatever makes them happy. But I can still say for me, personally, getting pregnant the first time ever having sex does not seem ideal... Doesn't leave much time to learn to enjoy sex, that's for sure. I don't think it's against the rules of feminism for me to say that.
nectarine / 2217 posts
I'm happy for them
dh and I also had never slept with anyone/each other before our wedding day, and I would have been happy to get pregnant right away! as it was, we waited a year, and had 2 before our 3rd anniversary I guess just to say it's not too unusual
papaya / 10473 posts
Edit because I'm not in the mood to argue with people this morning....or ever.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
@bluestriped bee: it is hard to see someone get pregnant so easily while you're struggling. Life is so not fair. I really hope that none of the Duggars have to struggle with IF because so much importance is put on them having lots of children. It's almost like that's how they measure their worth. I know I am more than my IF and you are too. Do you think they would know that?
coconut / 8475 posts
@MrsTiz: yep, the "+1"s KILL me. There have been so many, many times when I wholeheartedly agree with someone or something, but I don't even say that I do, because I don't want to feed into the gang theme that goes on here as of lately. It's sad (I am not using that word in reference to it's being used previously) to think that we can't even say "yeah girl, I agree" without it coming off as either taking one side or another.
In regards to Jill, I am happy for her. This may not be others' ways of marriage or family planning, but it is theirs. They fully believe in their lifestyle and I don't mind it. Would I chose it? Maybe, maybe not. I currently am not on board but had I been raised differently, I may be doing exactly what she is doing. I hope it all works out for the best with her schooling though, because I was very happy to hear she was going into midwifery, as I really think she'd be AMAZING at it based on her personality and her upbringing.
bananas / 9899 posts
@Leialou: That's a really good point. I can't even imagine being a Duggar and struggling with IF... the pressure would be immeasurable.
However, I totally understand being frustrated, struggling to conceive while others seem supernaturally fertile.
pomegranate / 3791 posts
@MrsTiz: I think you pretty much summed up what the issue is and where the mean girls mentality is coming from with on phrase their - "their loyal followers." I think issues get wayyyy too bogged down, and sometimes created where they don't really exist, just because of what side a specific person happens to be on. I hate the feeling that I can't agree with someone without being seen as some kind of follower or mean girl, especially when I don't think I have any trends of frequently agreeing with the same people.
@ladybee: I guess we're just going to have to disagree on that, because I don't see the difference. And because I don't see the difference, I see the bashing starting in a different place than you do. Your first post was totally fine, but the one that started all the drama did seem like bashing to me, and clearly it seemed that way to others as well. I really don't understand how you can say that you didn't question swedishfish's right to create the thread - the thread was for people to share their thoughts/opinions on her pregnancy. You think that people doing so, unless they only have positive things to say, is sad and judgmental. So...how is it that that isn't the same thing as having an issue with the thread?
pomelo / 5257 posts
@Leialou: YES, I think you've hit on a really important thought. If it feels to a stranger (I.e. me) that they base so much of a woman's self-worth on having kids, and lots of them, I imagine that's something the girls in the family definitely sense. I feel like that would make IF even harder to deal with than it already is, which would be really sad.
coconut / 8475 posts
@Leialou: this was really a concern for me too, which I didn't express because I didn't want to cast a negative tone on her pregnancy or sound like I was jealous (I am, haha). Basically, I wonder how the coping process would be for a woman of that lifestyle if God forbid she wasn't able to get pregnant. I just hope it is not too much of a loss of one's identity, since they are basically raised with the expectation of becoming mothers. IF is already hard, even on people who weren't raised like that, let alone when your entire faith and culture focuses on being a mother/father with a large family.
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