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grapefruit / 4311 posts
not surprised at all, happy for them because that's what they want/are ok with, doesn't affect me
personally i was with my DH 10 years before i even THOUGHT of having a baby though... guess i'm just selfish like that
honeydew / 7586 posts
Are we really all getting our panties in a knot over a Dugger thread? I'm not understanding why everyone has to take everything so personally. The ganging up, on both sides, is ridiculous. It is much more productive to type out your own thoughtful response than it is to be a total fan girl of another user(s).
How about instead of turning this into a HB civil war, where people are taking sides and pointing fingers, we stop to be reflective of our own role in this mess. I'm saddened to hear that so many amazing users are being driven off the site and many more never had the chance to make their mark.
grapefruit / 4903 posts
Good for them! They're in love, wanted a family, and they were able to start one as soon as they wanted. It sounds like a pretty lucky place to be to me. I'm also not sure I agree with the assumption that some seem to be making that she couldn't continue with midwifery. Of course she could! And if she chooses to stay home? Well again, how fortunate for her to have that choice to make.
I wouldn't make those choices, but I see no harm in them. And fwiw, I agree that I sometimes don't comment because I know my opinion will be jumped on by a few usual suspects.
grapefruit / 4441 posts
@hotchildinthecity: maybe the son has super sperm though! I do think they seem like a very fertile family.
@MrsSCB: I don't get the sense that they are basing a women's self worth on her ability to be a mom (but I could be wrong)... the way I interpret their belief is that children are a gift from God and that the couple should not doing anything to prevent them and should welcome them whenever they are blessed with them.
I am happy for Jill! It wouldn't personally be my choice, but I understand that she doesn't believe in birth control and she probably wants to be intimate with her husband. She seems like she would be a great mom.
cantaloupe / 6800 posts
@CupQuakeWalk: Oh I don't mean the +1's as an "I agree with your statement" type thing I mean the kind where they really mean "Yeah! Grab the pitchforks!" type of way.
It's the same 10 people who do this crap on every thread they get a chance to, I don't mean you @Wonderstruck: btw! Hope it didn't come off that way
pomelo / 5257 posts
@78h2o: but the thing is -- if all children are a blessing from God, then more children = more blessings. What are you supposed to think if you aren't able to have kids, so you get no blessings (at least of the child variety)?
coconut / 8475 posts
@MrsTiz: Oh I know. & what i'm saying is, even when someone truly does just mean, "yeah, ditto", it comes off as "grab the pitchforks!" because it is so very: either for us or against us mentality. It's risky to even agree with people nowadays without sounds like you're joining the gang of mean girls.
bananas / 9899 posts
@78h2o: I do not think it's so much that their family would shun or judge them if they had trouble having children. Infact, I bet the family would be super supportive. However, I know if I was from a family of that many kids and I had siblings who were already on their way to having tons of kids... I'd feel like a misfit if I had IF. The pressure to have children and the feelings of inadequacy would be that much more immense.
papaya / 10473 posts
@rahlyrah: I wholeheartedly agree, and you said it much better than I could.
cantaloupe / 6800 posts
@CupQuakeWalk: Well if I said
"That is a beautiful nursery, I think the blue paint really goes amazing with the chair" and you said "+1!" it isn't bitchy
buuuut if I say "Wow, talk about a drama llama!" and you say "+1" it is it's all a matter of context!
grapefruit / 4441 posts
@pui: I agree that it would be really hard, like it is for anyone, but probably especially so coming from a big family and have siblings with a ton of kids. I don't disagree with you.
@MrsSCB: Honestly, I don't know. I see what you are saying. I imagine that if they are pretty religious they pray about it and hopefully come to terms with it... maybe they focus on their other blessings or believe that God has other plans for them, but that is all conjecture.
I totally doubt this is the case for many in that religion, since I agree that most would probably feel like an outsider or feel inadequate if unable to have children, but it's *possible* someone who practices that religion *might* feel relieved about not being able to have children, or only having 1 or 2 (vs 10) given that the religion doesn't give the couple much choice in the matter (beyond choosing that faith). I guess people who would choose to be childless if not for their faith would really struggle and perhaps even reject their faith.
nectarine / 2148 posts
The family raises their kids to be respective, thoughtful of other people, who contribute a lot to their community and place a lot of value in family. I am sure Jill will raise her kids to be the same way and am happy for her.
bananas / 9899 posts
@MrsSCB: @78h2o: Speaking as a Christian who had trouble conceiving, it really is tough to face. Children are a gift from God, but not everyone is given the same heavenly gifts. This is the hardest part of faith... continuing trust in God and His plan even while it feels like He has withheld from you your greatest desires.
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
Good for them! I know plenty of people who married young, had honeymoon babies and are still in love and happily married after 9-40 years!
grapefruit / 4441 posts
@pui: Yep, I think that is one of the hardest parts of faith in general. I've experienced that in other areas of life. I am sorry you are struggling with TTC.
bananas / 9899 posts
@78h2o: Don't feel bad for me, I did manage to conceive our miracle baby and I am due any day now!
IF is something that strikes a chord with me and my own problems with fertility has definitely changed me.
honeydew / 7622 posts
Yay babies! I've never watched the show so I don't specifically know anything about this gal because I have a problem with reality tv and the celebrity culture frenzy in the media that's been created. (Minus Top Chef I always learn so much from it) That said, from what I've picked up about the family over the years I'm sure this baby will be loved and treasured, and that is awesome. Hopefully the $$ they got from the early public announcement will fund baby's education & care.
PS for everything else in the post, I guess I'm clueless, I'm new here and slowly recognizing users but I find the tone to be rather nice, open, honest and inclusive. If you think there are problems here check out Baby Center for a day, that place is exhausting. I'm here to learn as much as I can while waiting for baby #1 to arrive in March. I've been able to ask questions and feel comfortable sharing. I'm happy to have a space where I can soak up the experiences of a diverse group of intelligent and kind women.
grapefruit / 4441 posts
@pui: Oh my gosh, how did I forget that?! I remember now when you announced. How are you due already?! So exciting. I am still sorry that you experienced heartache along the way!
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
Good for them!! I know a couple that married and had a baby within a year. They were together for a lot longer than Jill, but none the less marriage is different than dating. I can't wait for the wedding special.
@Amurray: now I have to go back and read through every comment.
cherry / 115 posts
I have been lurking on HB for a while now and have only recently actively joined the IF boards. I check other boards occasionally and haven't really noticed any animosity among users.
I remember a thread about Kim Kardashian from a while ago where everyone chimed in with differing opinions, but no one was offended. So this thread reaction is really surprising to me.
I think that if you seek out drama, you will find drama. Period. Given that an internet board gives everyone a sense of anonymity, we feel it's easier to stoke the fire. But, I hope that we can all remember that differing opinions are never intended as a personal judgment to whatever lifestyle you believe in. They're just DIFFERENT opinions.
honeydew / 7916 posts
I care about all you bees' lives, but I don't think I can comment about the Duggars since I know zero about them besides that they have a show...
apricot / 485 posts
I am team "who cares?!?"
Never seen the show but it doesn't seem surprising based on what I know of them. Not my style but the couple seems nice enough to me.
blogger / nectarine / 2608 posts
My two cents (ya know you want them): it's the Sharks and the Jets. I have noticed that there are groups, and that while it's great that those groups support eachother, they are maybe looking for opportunities to rumble. So I say that if you wanna do that, cool, but it should be a dance-off. Or in rhyme. Like a villanelle. Those are super classy. Disagreements are different.
bananas / 9229 posts
@rahlyrah: "I'm saddened to hear that so many amazing users are being driven off the site and many more never had the chance to make their mark."
I will gladly +1 that! I have resisted giving any other input or comment though... If there were thumbs up and down options, I probably would've used a hundred throughout these four pages!
pomegranate / 3398 posts
I'm not sure why anyone is surprised. And I don't agree with their beliefs and don't live my life that way but if they are happy I don't see the issue.
As far as the tone of the boards, yeah it's changed. I've barely been on and I still haven't renewed my Gold. I want to but just not sure right now is the time I guess.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
I think if they are happy, then that's just fine with me. Congrats to them!
The Duggars have also been open when they do have miscarriages, so I don't think its particularly odd to announce early. They believe that life begins at conception, so they celebrate that life as soon as they find out. *shrug*
eggplant / 11287 posts
I don't give a crap about the Duggars (more power to them, they seem like nice people), but if you don't believe that there is a specific clique on HB that very obviously perpetuates mean girl culture on this site, then you are either choosing not to see it or a part of the clique yourself (or just aren't around as often). I often feel very bad for posters who are attacked by this clique and are left feeling alienated and isolated after a million "+1's" and "this's" by the Regina Georges of hellobee.
I don't mean to threadjack, but I am saying this since @mrbee brought it up and I have noticed he issue getting worse lately.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
Also, as a Christian, I want to say that while the Bible says that children are a blessing from God, it doesn't say that they are the ONLY blessing that He gives. The point of the Christian life is to become closer to God and to live as closely as you can with His will, so if that means fewer or no children for you or being single or whatever, fine. God will and is blessing you in a different way meant to draw you closer to Him. That's not an easy thing to swallow when you want something in particular, but that's just how it is.
I wanted to get married and have children all my life. Except I was single for the majority of my 20s and I didn't get married until I was about 30. And we have had fertility problems and brain tumors and all sorts of drama since getting married. I am just now expecting my first LO at 33 and this might be the only natural child I have. Do I feel any less blessed than someone who has 19 kids or who got knocked up on their honeymoon? No. Its just not my journey and I got blessed in a different way.
honeydew / 7444 posts
There have been many posters who have made the, "ugh, this post sucks" or "this post makes me sad" on other threads so i'm not sure why people feel as if @ladybee's comments were any worse. Is it because she isn't a regular poster?
I don't really know the Duggars, and i don't really care what "celebrities" do with their lives. Eh, just not surprised.
@MsLipGloss: @wonderstruck: ladybee was referring to the nasty comment that swedishfish made to her, which has since been edited out. Then it just escalated for no reason.
ETA: I wonder how different of a response this thread would have received if we swapped out "Jill Duggar" with a popular mom blogger or an HB blogger.
blogger / nectarine / 2608 posts
@Espion: Ah, man. You win!! Too uncoordinated for Latin dancing. So sad.
pea / 6 posts
@Rainbow Sprinkles: I have been around for a while, but I rarely post. I don't see nearly as much attacking as I do people being accused of attacking (especially several of the posters in this thread) by another poster, and then accused bee is ganged up on as a result. It's ironic to me that the people who are doing the accusing can't see that they themselves are being aggressive/attacking another user.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
Ok I wanted to reply but then realized there's something going on so then I had to back track and find out what happened.
I agree it just kinda escalated for no reason...
I don't think it's nice of any of us to judge, even if they're celebs and put their lives out there for us to judge. Do we all still do it? Yeah. I didn't think most of the comments were that ill spirited. I feel like most of the comments actually come from a good place of concern, that hopefully they still have the time & space needed to get to know each other and build their marriage no matter when a child comes along.
Their whole family/values/traditions are very different from most of America anyway so I would expect a lot of opinions. No need to get on anyone's case?
pomegranate / 3577 posts
@Mrs. Twine: oh listen, I have such a bad case of CRDS (cauc. rhythm deficiency syndrome). Doesn't stop me from shaking my rear in public though. Still trying to decide if I'm responsible when my son eventually collapses from embarrassment.
blogger / nectarine / 2608 posts
@Espion: I'm always scared someone will think I'm having a serious medical issue and call 911. Then again, all children need to have at least ONE reason for needing therapy as an adult, so...
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
@MomOnTheGo: Way to come out of lurkdom with a bang. I couldn't agree with you more.
@Rainbow Sprinkles: People in this very thread have said they don't see cliques. You respond by saying they basically must be dumb or mean. How is THAT not attacking?
coconut / 8475 posts
@Mrs. Twine: oh please lady, you know if this was a dance-off, I'd be CHAMPION! *snaps fingers above head*
pomegranate / 3577 posts
@Mrs. Twine: lol! In that case, I can think of at least a couple more reasons why I should probably start a savings account for the future. It's just responsible parenting.
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