-
I think the article is a bit overwrought, but I hate kid shaming and I hate that it's a trend. I hate seeing it on Facebook, let alone other more public forums like public Instagrams or blogs.
I don't take pictures or videos of my kids when they're upset because I wouldn't want someone taking pictures or videos of me when I am upset. I don't want to treat my kids like less that full human beings - they are entitled to their feelings even if their feelings are irrational at times. Heck, mine are too at times! And I am glad no one is taking pictures of that and putting it on Facebook.
-
@Kemma: If one of my co-workers decided to eat dog food in front of me, I have a feeling I would absolutely tease them about it....
-
@Kemma: no way, I don't repeat embarrassing stories about them- my stories always make someone out to be the hero. I don't share unflattering photos of other people.
-
I don't love kid shaming. My mom always told embarrassing and exaggerated stories of us when we were within earshot. I remember it happening from a young age and felt like everyone around me knew what a failure and brat I was. I also didn't ever know how to correct my moms sometimes inaccurate stories without seeming like more of a brat. So it made me extremely withdrawn in social settings. I commiserate with moms about child rearing but not online with anything personally identifying and not within earshot of my Los. My older one is 4 and she's picked up on many pieces of convo. Kids don't have the same frame of reference as adults and those kind of slights can be so hurtful. I do laugh about funny stories from when she was little, but I try to include her and not make her feel like I'm gossiping about her.
-
@LBee: I think there's a big difference between teasing at a rehearsal dinner for something that happened many years ago and real time teasing. It'd be like making fun of your wedding decorations. I mean sure you can deal with it but the person would still be kind of an ass for making you feel self conscious about something you worked hard on.
-
Wow that article really made me stop and think if I did anything remotely like this to my kids... Maybe?
The only thing I can think of is LO#1 did a series of trying to fit himself into his old baby stuff (jumper, swing, bumbo) when we took it out for LO#2 and I thought it was cute and shared it on IG. Maybe I should delete those.
-
@Maysprout: I had a similar experience as a kid, and it has stayed with me too.
-
@Maysprout: I think it's quite a bit different making fun of someone's wedding and sharing what you think is a funny story.
-
@Raindrop: I don't think there's anything wrong with posting funny pics. I've seen tons of pics of toddlers in baby bouncers/walkers/etc
-
@Raindrop: I feel the same. I'm trying to reconcile being a blogger (and social media fan) with the fact that a lot of these stories might not be mine to tell. It's a tough line to figure out.
-
@Mrs. Oatmeal: just curious, what would you do instead? Not post any pics of your LOs because potentially any picture may be deemed "embarrassing" for your LO later?
-
@BandDmommy: Thanks for the comforting words.
@Mrs. Oatmeal: I'm glad I'm not the only that thought this! It does seem tough to figure out where the line is.
-
@Maysprout: Those two things aren't analogous. These people aren't posting pictures of their child's artwork and saying it looks like crap. I am working from the examples given in the article. It appears, based on your post, that you have experienced some different kind of child shaming. I am deeply sorry for that - no child should ever experience that. The article posted, though, does not point to really even making the child aware of the ridiculing and is specifically talking about toddlers who, when presented the story such as walking in on their child, would see the ridiculousness as an adult. The OP was asking our opinion on the facts presented in the article. I think that is why several people are saying it is "over the top."
-
@BandDmommy: it probably depends on personality but for me personally it hurt a lot more to have my mom make fun of me, even though she's a lovely person who I know loves us, than it did to hear anything about wedding decorations. I loved my wedding and put a lot of thought into details but making fun of my taste in decorations was less hurtful to me than hearing embarrassing present time tales of emotional issues I was working through. I can accept people have different tastes in decorations. Being little though I felt like I was a defective person when everyone laughed at me, and i wasn't sure i was going to be able to make myself a not defective person.
-
@LBee: it was the same type of child shaming, meant to be harmless funny stories. I didn't have context as a young child though to realize they weren't personal attacks though. Kids are learning so much about life and the meltdowns they have are real issues they're working on. I vent to friends but I make sure my Los don't have access to hearing me or finding online stories anytime soon. I'll share more as they become more mature. And I do tease my lo. But that's different than her overhearing and realizing a bunch of adults are laughing at her.
-
@BandDmommy: I really don't know! I mean, I post for a variety of reasons, and know that family and friends keep up with our lives through social media, and with culture being what it is, I can't expect my LOs to never show up in photos on Facebook etc. I guess one extreme would be just never posting anything in case it embarrasses your child in the future...but I have a hard time with that as well. It's just something to think about, I guess! I share plenty, so I'm definitely not advocating against sharing...its just thought provoking.
-
I agree with the others who have said that people are too darn sensitive nowadays.
My parents love to tell stories of ridiculous and stupid things that I did when I was little. And you know what? I am not emotionally scarred by that as an adult. I think it's hilarious! Stories about the goofy things that little kids do are funny!
-
@Maysprout: I'm sorry you were shamed by your parents. I was referring more to examples in article like a toddler eating dog food. I don't think anyone would sit there and judge a 2 or 3 year old silly antics.
-
@Maysprout: Wait.. didn't you just say you do what this article describes? (meaning you vent to people online or friend in arena they can't see it) At no point do they talk about verbally shaming to the kid's face - it's the phenomenon of posting pictures on social media or the internet that technically are making fun of your kids. I think the assumption is you then don't show your kid the picture. I feel like I'm missing something. (I'm asking this not in a sarcastic or rude way.. damn internet making tone hard)
-
@Mrs. Oatmeal: I just think there gets to a point were its over the top.
-
I sort of agree with this article (I had parents and relatives who loved to "tease" me and my brother, and while I'm sure it was all in good fun, I remember being very hurt by some of it). On the other hand, I also sort of believe in the notion that the younger generations are being coddled so much that they can't accept any criticisms of themselves, even in good humor. I feel like a kid should be able to have a good enough relationship with their parents to be able to laugh at something silly that they did. So I guess it would really depend on the context, but I don't think all people who post a pic of their kid with a funny caption are doing something wrong. I personally think we have a culture of oversharing in general, so maybe we just all need to curb that a bit.
-
I posted this photo of my son, with the caption "I hate Mondays." I am a terrible person, I know.
Edited to remove photo.
-
@looch: you just made your kid a meme! Now that *is* funny.
-
@LBee: I said I vent but not in an identifiable way. Not with my kids around and def not by posting a picture of me or them on the Internet. I would never want her to find a picture of herself floating on the Internet with her mom making fun of her. That's the part that bothers me. It becomes shaming when it's done in such a public way.
-
For me, the line is that I only post on "private" social media. I only post pictures that are happy and flattering - LO in a cute hat, riding on a carosel, playing in the wading pool. And no stories about the kids, discipline, frustration, but I will post funny stories that pertain to my parenting like noticing at work there's a Frozen sticker on my suit jacket, etc. If I am ever thinking about whether something I appropriate to post, I ask myself whether it's kind and respectful, and that always weeds through things. And @Raindrop: I have totally posted photos of my LO #1 doing that, I think they're totally fine. I think what would be unkind/disrespectful is posting a photo of like, LO#1 trying to drag LO#2 out of her bucket seat while crying.
-
@looch: monster!
-
I understand the funny rehearsal dinner stories, I'm guess I'm more concerned with the stuff that middle schoolers will find and don't want to be the source of any potentially humiliating material.
-
@oliviaoblivia: yes, agreed. I would not post a photo of my middle schooler having the same fit.
It probably makes me seem hypocritical to some, but I am okay with the choices I have made when it comes to my son and social media. My friends list is small and I will remove the photo from this site later.
-
@oliviaoblivia: middle school is a sensitive age. I'll probably post no pics unless approved by my kids when they are that age.
-
@BandDmommy: I would have been embarrassed by the examples in the article. Maybe I was overly sensitive. I would know I should have picked up the pasta and felt guilty and then for everyone to know I was a brat just felt demoralizing. Or opening the door to pee, my mom shared tons of social faux pas but I had no idea they were that weird until I heard how much people laughed, but it was a more difficult way to learn by being laughed at for all my mistakes and made me very self conscious. Kids just have a much different frame of reference than adults.
-
This article gets a big fat, serious eye roll from me.
If laughing about your toddler throwing pasta on the floor is now considered bullying I don't even want to live in this world anymore. I can't deal with that.
-
@Mrs. Lion: I guess it's hard for me to reconcile you being so against these types of photos.... but being fine taking and posting a photo of your son climbing on a table he shouldn't be on, in order to make a point in a very public blog post about his defiance.
-
I find nothing wrong with sharing things like this with my friends ... because we are all in the thick of parenting, and it IS funny.
Personally, I wouldn't share with a hashtag, or submit to a blog/group ... I feel like that crosses the line of privacy, respect, etc. I wouldn't want someone making a meme of me during a vulnerable moment.
Similarly, I might express something about DH to a friend, in a humourous way, but I wouldn't complain about him on HB or the internet.
-
@photojane: Agree 100%.
-
@Truth Bombs: I never said I am so against the type of photos you are referencing. I thought it was an interesting article and this is something I do think about often. I was curious what others thought.
I don't feel quite as strongly about this topic as the author of the article in reference to the examples she gave, but I do about certain things (in particular the crying photos and teen shaming, like I mentioned in previous comments.)
Like @Mrs. Oatmeal: said, it is difficult to balance what you share publicly as a blogger and there is a fine line between what is appropriate and helpful to other parents, vs. what might potentially embarass your child in the future.
In the example you gave, I wouldn't be afraid to share that picture or post with my son when he is older, and I don't think he would find it to be embarassing, so I felt it was an okay one to post. Of course there is the possibility I could be wrong, but short of completely never posting anything there is always that possibility and I feel comfortable using my judgement.
You are right though...writing that post actually did result in a lot of thinking about what is okay for our family and what isn't. In that circumstance though I landed on the side of it being okay.
-
I just Defriended someone for doing this on a daily basis, so that's how I feel about it I guess. It wasn't funny it was obnoxious and made me uncomfortable. Laughing with your spouse or BFF is one thinh, posting it online for the universe of Facebook friends is another thing. I don't think the examples in the article were a big deal, I've seen much worse.
-
@looch: as someone who just Defriended someone for posting tantrum photos with making fun of the reason for said tantrum, I don't see your pic on that level. We all hate Monday's! It's more when it's minimizing their very real feelings. I see your photo as commiseration not shaming! I think there's a very fine line( for me at least!)
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
76 comments