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Kids, sex toys, Instagram

  1. Ra

    honeydew / 7586 posts

    @Maysprout: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I get that. Like I said, not a choice I would make personally, but I still don't think it's as catastrophic as people are making it out to be. I sincerely doubt her children's lives are going to be ruined because of a funny picture. I see it in poor taste, but not necessarily disrespectful.

  2. mrsjazz

    coconut / 8234 posts

    @Ra: I think a lot of us who posted aren't bothered by the vibrator (I know there were a few PP who were) but bothered by the over sharing. My kid does a lot of gross things. I'm not posting them on a blog read by xx amount of people or on social media. I, for one, am an open book and don't mind sharing a lot of my life with people, however I also think about my LO and her autonomy as a person. Right now she can't tell me, "Mom, please don't post that embarrassing photo," but I do try to think about her when I post things.

  3. Mrs. Lemon-Lime

    wonderful pea / 17279 posts

    @Trailmix: isn't the woman a blogger too? Bloggers write and post stuff because they want to affect people. Otherwise, they would just keep a scrapbook & journal. Just because content doesn't affect people personally in the sense of "what you eat doesn't make me shit" type of way, content does make people think. Since we all have different opinions not every piece of content will be met with a thumbs up.

    I agree with you about hiring staff is not a big deal. Don't knock people for having resources.

  4. dagret

    grapefruit / 4235 posts

    @Ra: yeah, but would you share a picture of him giving a prostate exam to the pug on your public instagram? Or participate in an interview with a media outlet, in which you state your full name, and talk about how your child does these things? THAT'S what the shock is about. And also where I think a lot of folks who are defending her actions are mistaken.

    It's fine to quasi-anonymously share these stories online when you're hiding behind a username, but it's something entirely different when you're posting your child's picture, your own full name, and have shared their full names online.

  5. Maysprout

    grapefruit / 4800 posts

    @Ra: I was very self conscious in middle school, maybe you weren't, maybe her kids won't be, but maybe they will be. Not everything disrespectful ruins someones life, but it has the potential to make their life more difficult and that's what I find disrespectful about it.
    She could have shared a picture with friends not online that would have respected her children's autonomy and let them choose if they wanted to share it with future friends.

  6. californiadreams

    pomegranate / 3411 posts

    @babynumber1: wow, just read that. i was pretty amazed at the screen time too. i am not against it, but it seems that from the little time she spends with her kids, a lot of it is screen time (before and and after school, before bed, and weekend mornings)

  7. jedeve

    pomegranate / 3643 posts

    @Trailmix: it upsets me because it involves people who can't consent.

    I feel like there is so much more awareness now about what is consent in "rape culture." Like that video going around of the woman being cat called. Sure some of what was said was technically harmless, but it represents someone in a position of power forcing what they want on someone who is at a disadvantage. With all of the awareness about these types of minor aggression on women, I think we should pay children the same respect. Even if the kids weren't doing something sexual, they were playing with a sex toy. They can't consent to having that picture on the internet forever.

  8. twodoghouse

    honeydew / 7230 posts

    @Ra: The distinction for me is in her intent in posting this. I recognize the risk in assuming anyone's intent! But my knee jerk reaction (based on years of reading Jenna's blog, twitter, etc.) is that this is not a "oh look, my kid stumbled into my drawer of sex toys, haha" thing. Instead, I truly believe she posted this in order to make a point - that she's a young, sexual being. (Fwiw, she seems to be trying to make this point in other ways and actually wrote a post with regards to her haircut and the way she's viewed as a sexual being. I'm not pulling this out of thin air!) I think it's totally cool if she wants to say, hey I'm still a sexual being despite beig a mom of two! Or hey, vibrators are cool and I'm glad I have one! I just don't think she should use her kids to make that statement. And I believe that's what the photo was doing and why it doesn't sit well with me.

  9. Ra

    honeydew / 7586 posts

    @Maysprout: I understand what you're saying. However, the risk is pretty low. I taught middle school. Trust me, none of my students were scouring mommy blogs looking for embarrassing baby pictures of their classmates.

    I agree that it was in poor taste, I just think the public outcry (not necessarily on HB) questioning her parenting and wanting to involve CPS is beyond excessive.

  10. youboots

    honeydew / 7622 posts

    I saw this.

    For me it comes down to the why? Why am I sharing my life, why is this so interesting/funny/special that I am compelled to share it with others? The answers are usually not very good and this philosophy has helped me curate my online content down to something I am happy to have representing me on the internet. The celebrity culture we live in does not have boundaries every boring/scandalous/inappropriate thing that happens is fair game and something that should be shared apparently and I don't subscribe to that model of conduct online.

  11. Ra

    honeydew / 7586 posts

    @twodoghouse: That makes sense. I've never read her blog, or even heard of her prior to this, so my opinion was based solely off of this article without any context of her past posts.

  12. IRunForFun

    pomelo / 5509 posts

    @twodoghouse: You articulated what I was thinking. My negative reaction isn't so much about the vibrator itself, I mean kids get into stuff, take it away, laugh it off, whatever. It's more about intent than content. I admit my reaction is definitely based in prior knowledge of who she is, though. I personally feel like she regularly exploits her children to try to make a name for herself.

  13. Kemma

    grapefruit / 4291 posts

    Attention seeking at its finest and just one more "wtf" moment to add to a very long list.

  14. Trailmix

    nectarine / 2152 posts

    I think Jenna's cool, I know her fairly well and I'm always intrigued by what she posts/has to say, etc. I don't really get why she gets so much hate from people.

  15. Maysprout

    grapefruit / 4800 posts

    @Ra: Salon might not be a top 10 news site but it's bigger than a mommy blog. And mommy blogging wasn't much of a thing 10 years ago, so not sure that current middle school behavior is predictive of the future.

    I agree that calling CPS seems silly and I'm sure there's other reactions that are also silly. But just because there's silly reactions doesn't discount that she's putting embarrassing pictures of her kids very publicly out there, it's not a nice thing to do.

  16. JerricaBenton

    pomegranate / 3872 posts

    @Kemma: I agree.

    And it's incomprehensible to me that a parent would use their kids in that way. No one knows if that picture, or any other negative information that's been shared, will negatively impact the children's lives but isn't a huge aspect of parenting to want to protect our children and be a safe harbor? Why anyone would want to potentially put their children in a difficult situation on purpose/for their own gratification is beyond me.

  17. MrsTiz

    cantaloupe / 6800 posts

    What bothers me about all of it is her trying to cover her ass. When she posted it, it was with the caption about her kids taking turns making it vibrate #sanitized. The way she said it made it seem like this isn't the first time. In the comments she talked about sex, how all the women should get one, etc
    Then she backtracked saying it was just a massager.

    Like, dude. Either you left your vibrator plugged in next to your bed and your kids found it. If so, shit happens but I'm willing to bet she didn't clean it and then plug it back in to leave it lying around
    Other option is they found it and knew that it vibrated because they're geniuses and plugged it in to play with it

    Bottom line is its embarrasing for your kids to post it online, you are disgusting for letting it happen often enough for them to take turns, and why lie about it now that you've already put it out there?

    She's not active on HB anymore but I wish she was because homegirl needs to read this and realize there are pedophiles out there and you putting your kids pictures with a sex toy in hand on a public website is repulsive

    Attention whore your self out, but don't do it without your kids being able to agree to it.

  18. erinpye

    pomegranate / 3706 posts

    I just don't get the uproar. Real life with kids is messy, funny, gross, etc. if you don't like her content, why follow or read about her? And isn't one of her kids like 5? Pretty sure if my 2.5 year old can plug things into the wall, so can her kids. Everyone is judging and criticizing yet another mother for doing it "wrong." According to the interview also posted here, she doesn't live near family- I personally know how insanely difficult and isolating that is, and thus I also am a person who shares a lot on my IG. It makes me feel more connected when my far-away friends and family can see my moments with my kids, and I'm too lazy to send each of them an email. So perhaps, remember she's human and trying to connect and be real, even if it's not "tasteful" in your eyes. Frankly, a lot of content shared these days isn't, and there are far worse parenting situations in this world than a mother who clearly loves and delights in funny moments with her kids, and just has a different sense of humor than you do.

  19. Ra

    honeydew / 7586 posts

    @erinpye:

  20. mrsjazz

    coconut / 8234 posts

    @erinpye: I don't read her blog or follow her on instagram, but I do read Slate. Anytime I've read about her it's because of controversy, I heard about her blog through WB and tried to get into it but couldn't because I don't identify with her but she does seem to get picked on a lot. Now, I don't agree with any of the comments I've read about ACS or her being horrible.

    This situation isn't close to the situation with the little bi-racial girl whose parents are suing the sperm bank who messed up--but they both have something to do with how much we share/over share of our children online. Are we violating their right to privacy? I think it's a good discussion to be had here--sure it's not the worse parenting issue. I laughed at the picture...I still don't think it belongs on social media, even if you have no family close by.

  21. yoursilverlining

    eggplant / 11824 posts

    @IRunForFun: "I personally feel like she regularly exploits her children to try to make a name for herself."

    Yes, this.

  22. Maysprout

    grapefruit / 4800 posts

    @erinpye: I think it's important to judge and criticize some situations. Judgement and criticism aren't the worst thing to happen and if you're putting yourself out there on news sites, actions are going to be discussed.

    I think kids deserve some sort of privacy. I get that parenthood can be messy and gross and I share that with other parents. One of my kids had a bug and ended up pooping in the tub while my other one splashed around. At no point in cleaning up that mess did I think it would be a good idea to try and go viral over that shit storm. It has the potential to embarrass them and I don't want to leave that kind of internet legacy for them. I laughed later with other parents over the ridiculousness of parenthood but that's different than leaving a hard copy legacy.

  23. Kemma

    grapefruit / 4291 posts

    The thing with this particular blogger is that the Instagram post in question is just one instance in a long line of blog posts, photos etc, that have had readers scratching their heads and wondering what she was thinking. Is Jenna really so obtuse that she doesn't see what the fuss is about or is she just particularly clever and living for the controversy that seems to follow her around the web?

    Jenna (and all of us) are adults and can for the most part choose what we release to the world, unfortunately our children do not have that luxury so it's up to us as their parents to act in their best interests.

  24. dagret

    grapefruit / 4235 posts

    @Maysprout: exactly. Giving your child a vibrator to use on a regular basis as a toy IS something that deserves criticism, especially considering how J has posted that she has taken most of her kids' toys away.

  25. JerricaBenton

    pomegranate / 3872 posts

    @Kemma: another big old agree!

    Maybe some people aren't seeing that this isn't her first brush with controversial posts and pictures that raise serious questions for a lot of people.

  26. catomd00

    grapefruit / 4418 posts

    She's a mommy blogger, so it should come as no shock that nothing is off limits when it comes to posting on the internet. All mommy bloggers are technically exploiting their kids to some extent, aren't they?!

    At the end of the day, it's her kids and her choice, I guess. No one else has to agree with the appropriateness. If people stopped following her then the posts would stop. Like anything else, supply and demand.

  27. lemondrop

    bananas / 9118 posts

    It's not my style or something I'd want to follow, but it's her perogative to post whatever she's comfortable with. I'm not going to get riled up over someone else's parenting choices, it's not my business.

    I'm careful to keep my stuff "safe for work." If I'm not comfortable with my boss seeing it, then it doesn't go on the interwebs. Sure, my privacy levels are high on FB and IG, but it's never a guarantee.

  28. cascademom

    coconut / 8861 posts

    @catomd00: She's not really a mommy blogger though. If anything, her resentment towards her kids is well known. Parenting and babies weren't all that they're cracked up to be for her since it's hard work. Jenna is notoriously lazy too. Calling her a mommy blogger is a huge stretch if you've followed her antics for any length of time.

    With the picture, I maybe would have taken it, but wouldn't post it online for everyone to see. I have a picture of my LO on the potty with two of his loveys sticking out of shirt. It hasn't and won't be posted.

  29. Lindsay05

    pomegranate / 3759 posts

    It's not something I would ever post but I think what she wants is some discussion about her blog, and this picture has done just that. But if I don't like to look at something like that, I just do not follow.

  30. Anagram

    eggplant / 11716 posts

    I saw this on IG, thought it was a little odd in a TMI way, but I don't think it's indicative of horrible parenting or a case where CPS should be called. Obviously, she's trying to make a living "mommy blogging" and that job description is pretty much to exploit your family's life. I personally wouldn't do it--I don't even have time to read them---but I don't care if other people do it. I don't think this is any worse than the FB content I ignore every day from people who post their kids' messy faces with food all over them (something many people find cute, but I find gross), or how their kid just pottied, or how they looooooooove their latest girlfriend, or their latest political rant, or the person they are mocking at Walmart--ignore, ignore, ignore.

    And I agree about supply-and-demand. If people weren't reading her, none of us would have heard about this.

  31. Anagram

    eggplant / 11716 posts

    @babynumber1: huh. I really don't get it. What's wrong with her sending her 4 year old to preschool full time (very normal thing to do where I live) and sending her younger kid to daycare 3 days a week while she manages a website, writes a blog, and starts a photography business?

    I know a couple who both work from home (kind of. Mom designs paper products and dad is a writer) and they have a nanny. Are they bad parents because they both have non traditional jobs that aren't in an office building?

  32. catomd00

    grapefruit / 4418 posts

    @cascademom: I really don't know much about her. They called he a mommy blogger in the link posted. Whatever her "official title" may be, she is obviously trying to make an internet presence for herself on the basis of her being a mother. I'm not sure I understand your pointing out she isn't a mommy blogger? Blogger or not, anyone that is trying to make it on the internet typically doesn't have much of a filter...that wouldn't get them very many followers.

  33. shopaholic

    bananas / 9973 posts

    @Mrs. Blue: This is exactly how I feel.
    @MrsTiz: She was on HB before?

    I might be in the camp of over-posters/over-sharing on social media, but I do try to think about whether or not she would be embarrassed by the photos and would not post anything questionable (I think). I do think she posts stuff like that for shock value and to draw crowds to her blog and probably make some extra money from advertisers or whatnot.

    Sidebar: DH actually has some massager thing like that and actually uses it to massage his back. He leaves it out and I do get embarrassed that anyone would think it was used as a vibrator (it is not). So if the mom hadn't posted all those gross hashtags to start with, I would totally give her the benefit of doubt.

  34. MrsTiz

    cantaloupe / 6800 posts

    @cascademom: yes. To me her history is 90% of why people are freaking out over this. If it was a random person you might say "omg wow, funny but TMI!" But it's not, it's jenna and she deserves all of the drama she sets herself up for but her kids do not. She's not a mommy blogger, she's just a blogger who has kids.

  35. catomd00

    grapefruit / 4418 posts

    @MrsTiz: I am genuinely curious, what is the difference between a mommy blogger and a somewhat well known blogger with kids who seems to post on kid related things? And why would it be different if she was a legit mommy blogger? I could see baby sideburns -someone I consider a legit mommy blogger - doing something like this and don't see how it's any different because she has a book and 48299238922 obnoxious Facebook fans...

  36. babynumber1

    persimmon / 1396 posts

    @Anagram: it was not the childcare while Being a WAHM. It was the 12 y/o helping with morning and bedtime with getting them dressed, picking up kids from preschool, sandwiches in the car and childcare at the gym until bedtime. She says that she took away all of their toys and prefer them to sit in front of the TV.

    She seems to avoid her children at all cost unless she is using them for attention. But, I do not know her, this is all based on info that she has put on the Internet. IRL she could be a great mom and portraying an online character.

  37. MrsTiz

    cantaloupe / 6800 posts

    @catomd00: I've written my reply about 3 times now and my phone keeps eating it. Just check out @babynumber1: 's post. She pretty much nailed it. I reserve the term mommy blogger for people who I think enjoy parenting and their kids. Not just an attention starved woman who happens to have kids and talks about them

  38. californiadreams

    pomegranate / 3411 posts

    @babynumber1: that's the impression i got from that interview too. At first i read just about the childcare and didn't think it was a big deal (my son is in daycare full time while i work), but when you read the whole thing, it sounds like she avoids her kids at all costs.

  39. jedeve

    pomegranate / 3643 posts

    Do y'all mind if we keep this thread about the picture/ethics of sharing stuff about our kids, and not the blogger herself?

    Even if the blogger were a saint, I would find the situation sad...

  40. Anagram

    eggplant / 11716 posts

    @babynumber1: we are each reading all of those things very differently, then. I just looked at it again, and I read "Now I'm treading water because I have full-day preschool M-F for my oldest and 3 days a week of full-day childcare for my youngest. Monday-Friday the same family who watches my youngest sends either a 12 or 14-year old girl over for about an hour to help get my kids dressed and out the door in the morning."

    and then later she talks about feeding them in the car, "It also means I can go to the gym with them on Tuesday/Thursday in the evenings and then bring them home right afterward and put them to bed."

    This is a series about someone who "solo parents" while their spouse is gone for long periods of time--she said on this week Monday-Friday and then her husband had to work from home all weekend. So instead of a spouse to help her get two kids ready for school in the morning, she has a 14 year old help. I have no problem with that. She's trying to start up a business, and sends her toddler to childcare only 3 days a week. If I were trying to start up a business, I would probably put my LO in child care 5 days a week.

    And then, twice a week...she goes to a gym. I have friends that go to the gym 4-5 times a week and either pick up their kiddos late from daycare or take their kids to the gym and put them in childcare there. Yup--after work! When they've been in childcare all day. I still think they are really great moms, and they have much hotter bodies than I do, because I'm too lazy to go to the gym.

    As I said earlier, I don't even read this blog. I don't have a dog in this fight....but I do get a little riled up over sanctimommy stuff because some mom out there admits that she isn't 100% fulfilled by only motherhood, decides to work and chooses to utilize childcare 1)while working 2) to go to the gym twice a week.

    Gosh, when I was growing up, I was fed dinner in the car a few nights a week too, as my mom carted one of us kids around to cheerleading practice, or piano lessons, or to watch a brother's basketball game. And I have a pretty great mom!

    And the toy thing---maybe you have insider info, but in that article it says she got rid of 90% of their toys, but they each still have baskets of toys in their room, outside toys, and toys in storage. I live in a small space with my LO and I am also constantly getting rid of toys that my LO is over. I have friends back in Texas with entire giant playrooms stuffed to the gills with toys their kid doesn't use--and my child is happy playing with wooden spoons and amazon boxes, but I don't feel like I'm depriving my child by not having more stuffed animals, you know?

    Sorry for the novel. I get passionate about judging other moms over silly stuff. I guess I feel like we should save it for the truly abusive and neglectful scenarios that are happening every day.

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