Hellobee Boards

@Raindrop: I guess my feeling on that whole thing was everyone said I should have posted it elsewhere. Would that really have mattered? So basically it would have been a post calling this girl out? It made no sense, you know? I wanted to say what I did and don't regret it.

@loveisstrange: I didn't take any offense to your post in that thread. Some posts just seemed very accusatory and downright disapproving of other people. I don't have any issue with other people thinking I'm crazy, but it did seem like that thread was just overwhelmingly negative which was sad.

@grizz: I was honestly surprised no one said, "This isn't going to end well!" Had a newcomer written that post , I think the reactions would have been different. I did chime in on that thread, to be fair!

@arden: were you really shocked, or perhaps more disappointed? (Just wondering, not saying it would be wrong to be shocked.) HB to me is openly mainstream, from its appearance to forum topics. I go to other sites or my IRL friends for "crunchy" insight and advice.

@grizz: Im glad that you felt you could come to me. Trauma and PPD is such a hard thing to get over and I know it helps having someone to talk to who isn't rolling their eyes because they're sick of hearing it. And I you too.

@mediagirl: Haha, I have to say I was always kind of a slacker about it on WB too.

@Arden: I do agree that that thread got nasty and kind of turned into a dogpile fast.

I have really been starting to step way recently. I think theres sort of a criteria for being popular on HB. You've gotta have the right amount of money (or at least the right stuff), the right political views, the right education/occupation, a (seemingly) good relationship/marriage, the right parenting "philosophies" to an extent, etc etc. I think people generally only answer about themselves if the answer is bragworthy or sounds ok- and as a result the community comes off sounding materialistic and even judgmental at times. I fully admit to getting caught up in that, for example I'll say we dont have a lot of fun money but qualify it by saying "but we're totally stable." Or when I had ppd I'd say how tough it was and then say "but I love lo so much" or something like that. And even though we discuss things like CM and our kids' diapers on here there is relatively little mention of problems like depression and debt that I KNOW moms have. (And on the topic of depression, just so those dealing with IF/losses know, it most definitely can cause negative comments/complaints about babies being babies, on a deeper level than not being grateful. I understand that doesn't necessarily ease the sting of it but just throwing it out there. And yeah then there are people just complaining to complain and I can see why that would be difficult to read and frankly, in that case you'd be right to think they needed to count their blessings...) Anyway, while I understand that a certain type of person in a certain job or position might be more drawn to HB, and that's ok, I can definitely see why lots of people might not feel welcome here. Just my 2 cents!

As for the WOHM/SAHM comments above, if it makes anyone feel better we are middle class and aside from a work situation we weren't comfortable with it has been financially better (for now) for me to stay at home. It's not because we're loaded, and I don't feel I have a horse in the race when it comes to WOH/SAH arguments. (Last part edited..)

@Happygal: I was surprised! Maybe I'm naive, but even though I knew these boards are mostly traditional, I was shocked at just how judgemental many posters were towards non-traditional parenting. Disagree and choose a different method, sure, but no need to be so harsh and negative towards those that parent differently.

Where do you find crunchy sites?

@arden: I see what you mean about the judgement--not the practices, but the attitudes towards what others do. I guess I always figured you just needed to scratch the surface to see it.

Tapping on the phone, but I'll wall you some sites tomorrow! Probably most you'll already know.

@LovelyPlum: I fully admit that I have sometimes forgotten to respond too. When it became a pattern I started to get discouraged and then, frankly, pissed off when it happened repeatedly, sometimes with the same OPs.

@spaniellove: That's nice to hear I know there are crunchy mamas out there, we just all seem to be a lot quieter lately.

@Kemma: I need to be! I'll look it up, thanks!

@pui: I think a lot of times people can get caught up in the moment (it's only natural!) and don't even realize until later when someone points it out (even indirectly pointing it out). It took someone to point it out to me and I appreciate them for that.

@heartonastring: @spaniellove: Crunchy mamas, unite!

@.twist.: @pui: I have to say I agree with twist. You get caught up and look back and think "god... im an asshole". Sometimes im totally a dick without really realizing it or meaning to be, but im usually willing to admit it.

@Vegmama: I'm crunchier at heart than I am in practice!

Hmmm. While I've been around for 3 years (or so), I certainly don't feel "active" though I read daily. Here's my thoughts on the changes over time.

1) When I first joined I was a new mom and tend to fall more in traditional lines. I didn't feel like I had much of a voice as things were more crunchy than I. I was interested to read and learn, even if I wasn't living the same parenting style.

2) I think Gold drastically changed dynamics. I don't pay for internet memberships, particularly since I don't consider myself to be an active poster. But I would certainly point it to the change of things.

3) Shortly after gold there was many name changes and I really never understood what happened (nor is it really my business) but it added to the disconnecting feeling of the site.

4) The regime seems to have changed recently and posters that used to be very active have taken a back seat and a new variety of very opinionated posters seem to have taken over.

5) I don't start a lot of threads as they tend to not get many responses which is really frustrating. And I truly feel sometimes I'm disregarded due to my post count or my non-gold status.

There are a number of posters that I think can really articulate themselves well and bring some really great tone to the boards. Many of them have posted here already. And I'm sure there are others as well.

I'm not sure that repair can occur, every forum I've ever been part of on the internet changes over time. Change inevitable and we don't all always agree with the changes.

@jedeve: I'm always up for making new friends!

Just accidentally pressed the back button and lost the post I had been working on for 20 minutes.

Let me try to summarize it quickly:
1. HB can be intimidating if you are new or do not post frequently.
2. Even though it can be intimidating, HB is an amazing community. The boards and blogs often have useful and inspiring posts. There are many posts I've read that I disagree with, but it's beneficial to be exposed to and learn from other ladies' points of view. I am a teacher and say this to my students and colleagues: "we all have areas of expertise and important experiences to bring to the conversation."
3. Don't feed the trolls. It's so tempting to respond to certain posts that just get me riled up, but I tell myself not to argue with someone unless I think their actions/beliefs are truly harmful.
4. Although I put great thought into what I write on HB, I'll try to pay attention to how I frame my posts. Like @ms.badger implied (I think it was her, this has been a long thread!), how you craft your post is as important as what you are saying.

After all of that, I'm going to go out on a limb here and risk offending others, but how did a post on a pregnant reality TV star (who is only famous because she is one of many children) generate so much drama? Why does Jill Duggar matter that much?

ETA: How do you know if a bee has left? Did certain people announce their departure or is it just that they haven't been posting lately?

@Katrocap: I was trying to tell my husband and when I said it started with a post about the Duggars, he said, "who?" and I couldn't even explain.

@spaniellove: I wouldn't say "that's HB", just one person said it so far. I can see how it would bug someone and since I've been there, I want to be sensitive to that. I will still check the boards, though. And when someone gets a BFP, I'll congratulate them. I just won't come in at the beginning and say I'm cheering them on.

@ladybee: I honestly think that the topic could have been about casseroles and there was going to be a "blood bath." It just seemed like an inevitability with the passive aggressiveness and snarkiness. While I am sad that some Bees have decided to leave (not sure on my decision,) I honestly think this needed to happen in a way. I think behaviors needed to be called out and people needed to examine what they do. It's been a pretty eye opening day on the Bee.

What did I miss? I still like this site but I admit for a little bit I was hurt that "friends" here didn't support me in certain aspects of my life and then went crazy about it on GOMI. But you cant control the haters! I still like this site. And am not so easily offended that I would leave.