I have a friend who is about 17 weeks, after having had 2 miscarriages, and she says at this point she really won't believe she's having a baby until she actually holds him/her. I feel like I'm going to be the same after having had just one. Do you ever get the excitement back? You can never regain the innocence of having never had things end badly, but can you at least get past the fear eventually? I feel like I really resent that loss, because I was SO happy, and now I don't know if I'll be able to feel that with future pregnancies. Anyone have a sort of light at the end of the tunnel on this one?
watermelon / 14206 posts
My story goes a little farther than yours, as I lost my second baby during labor. And yes, I feel the same way, even though I already had a previous pregnancy, with a live baby (although a premie) at the end. I want to be pregnant again, but the shadow of the loss really is going to make any future pregnancies a little hard to celebrate.
I'm sure, though, that with a successful pregnancy and a live baby, that I will be able to let go of (but never forget) that horrible experience. But, no, I don't think it would be possible, no matter how many pregnancies I have (even though I only plan on one) to feel confident with it.
eggplant / 11408 posts
I've had two miscarriages, and this scares me. But I also think that the experiences will also help me to really appreciate what a gift giving birth actually is. There is no sure thing about having a baby, and I hope and pray that in the future, I will be able to appreciate being pregnant and having a child for what it is: a miracle.
Hugs, lady. It is really hard.
@Dandelion: we so want you to have a baby in your arms!
GOLD / pomegranate / 3938 posts
Oh my gosh... @LizSmith: I totally know what you mean. I just wrote out an entire response and deleted it because it was pretty fearful and horrific. In short, I will just say that my sister and best friend experienced horrible pregnancy related incidents that I have never been able to shake. Ignorance is aboslute bliss... Rather than be fearful, I try to just trust and appreciate the miracle of life.
@Dandelion: I am always keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Just so you know.
pomelo / 5607 posts
@Dandelion: I'm so sorry you went through that! I'm not sure I could ever even want to be pregnant again. Lots of good wishes for a healthy baby with you as soon as possible (or as soon as you're ready).
@LovelyPlum: I can choose to focus on that it helps me not take things for granted, and makes me better equipped to support others through similar circumstances. Those are good silver linings. ^_^
coconut / 8681 posts
Unfortunately I also was not convinced through my entire pregnancy with E that I'd have a baby at the end. The first time I believed it was when he was actually born. I was completely convinced something would go wrong. This was after 2 miscarriages. I also was extremely resentful. That initial excitement and giddyness was taken from me.
Luckily once E was born healthy a little bit of the innocence returned. I've been really excited about this current pregnancy. I still have freak out moments but its not even remotely as bad as it was before.
grapefruit / 4311 posts
"lost innocence" that is so the phrase to describe how i've been feeling!!!! i'm participating in the POAS boards and all, but it's not fun and exciting... and when i do get a BFP, i'll be hesitate to post.. like i will feel like a fool if it just ends up being another mc.
it sucks to fear that you will not be able to enjoy your pregnancy, but that is part of it when you had a previous loss. it definitely helps to be surrounded by the HB members and see that all doesn't stay sad forever. sorry i can't give any light at end of tunnel.. but i will be glad to go through the tunnel with ya haha
pomelo / 5607 posts
@Running Elley: I'm happy you got your happy ending! And it's good to hear that it gets better.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
I felt and feel the same way! But it does make me feel more appreciative and blessed I think, so I try and appreciate that side of things...
pomelo / 5228 posts
I'm pretty sure I'll feel the same way, and I'm a bit afraid of it. A friend of mine is now around 13 weeks after 2 losses and told me that she is still very nervous about it. For me, even after 1 loss I was very cautious, with good reason unfortunately.
persimmon / 1491 posts
Not going to lie, i still have mini freak outs everyday...Currently 17weeks along, we had a m/c last August, and there is not a day that i dont think that something could go wrong at any moment, but in turn i also feel blessed for this baby and this pregnancy...and that no matter what i will love no matter what my length of time will be...just need to take each day at a time...
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
It took me awhile to believe I was pregnant, and honestly, part of me was waiting for the other shoe to drop the whole time. Once I hit viability, I felt hugely relieved. When they plopped her wailing body on me, it was just...relief. Relief and shock.
It's just one of those things. It really really makes you not take it for granted when everything is ok in the end
cantaloupe / 6791 posts
I feel the same way. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and maybe until 2 or 3 weeks ago, I didn't allow myself to get too excited. I'm still so terrified something will go wrong again. My m/c was almost exactly a year ago and it's still something I struggle with. The depression and most of the sadness went away when I got pregnant again, but I'm still apprehensive to believe that things will work out this time.
I feel extremely blessed that I finally was able to get pregnant again and because of that I feel this baby should be celebrated as well. So, as hard as it is, I plan for the future and try to forget about my anxieties.
papaya / 10570 posts
I felt exactly like this after my m/c. When I saw that positive test two months later I felt happy but... it was different to the first time. It felt like I'd passed a module exam rather than the course, you know? Like qualifying for the World Cup but not yet winning it..... I was sad that my joy had been stolen from me. I have met each milestone - hearing the heartbeat, viability, etc - with more relief than excitement but the excitement *is* still there! I don't think i will really believe it until she is in my arms but it will be so much sweeter for it, i think.
Stay strong, poppet. You will get there. TTC is the crappiest thing ever.. we are all rooting for you.
pomelo / 5073 posts
I feel this way. I'm 25 weeks after losing our first at 20 weeks and I'm just now starting to feel like we might be lucky this time. However, then I freak out and tell myself I can't get too excited. It's a vicious cycle.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@Cherrybee: you just used the word poppet! I'm going to have to meet you in real life
To the original poster- I really do hope you'll be able to find some peace and joy next time around
papaya / 10570 posts
cantaloupe / 6397 posts
I felt the same way. The excitement was stolen from me. Unfortunately I spent my entire next pregnancy waiting for the other shoe to drop. I didn't feel relief until they laid her on my chest.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's just an awful thing to go through
bananas / 9357 posts
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had 2 miscarriages before I got pregnant with my son. I was extremely worried during the first trimester but as the pregnancy went on and I hit viability, I stopped worrying so much. I mean I still had doubts, worries, freak out moments that something would happen but I tried to not let it get to me. I just knew in my heart that I would get to hold my son. And I enjoyed a lot of my pregnancy. I told myself repeatedly that there was no point in worrying. Worrying wasn't going to change any outcome, good or bad.
apricot / 367 posts
I have had four miscarriages, and I'm just now getting to the point where I am comfortable with being excited about the pregnancy (I'm 17 weeks). I think I will always be slightly worried until I hit viability, or even until I give birth, but I still have to marvel at the life I am growing inside of me, even if it does terrify me!
watermelon / 14206 posts
@runnerd: I feel like that...which is why I plan not to say anything on facebook or to most people about another pregnancy. I'll post on HB, of course, but it'll pretty much be a birth announcement when it's on facebook or anywhere else.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
I hate to say this but I do feel like most of the joy was stolen from my pregnancy. Every time we bought something for the baby I would worry I was jinxing myself. And every time we would tell someone new I would worry we would have to take it back. But I also ended up having a very dramatic pregnancy with lots of ER trips and bleeding and pre term contractions. But at 40 weeks one day I gave birth to a perfectly healthy beautiful baby girl.
coconut / 8472 posts
I'm 20w6d now, but I had a very early loss at ~5 weeks last fall. I was very scared for a while with this pregnancy. I was lucky in a way the last time because it happened early and no additional procedures were needed. But I knew that if I had a 2nd, later miscarriage, I might not be able to handle continuing to try to have a baby.
DH bought me a doppler, which was a lifesaver. I also had the MT21 test done as early as possible and then went pretty far to allaying my fears, since most miscarriages occur due to chromosomal abnormality.
But ultimately, I remind myself that what's going to happen is going to happen. There's not much you do to prevent a miscarriage, even with today's advanced medicine. So I figured I can choose to be hopeful and enjoy these 9 months (well as much as pregnancy can be enjoyable) or I can spend the time being scared and miserable.
pear / 1554 posts
I've never had a miscarriage but my first baby had trisomy 18 and passed away. At the time, the MT21 test had not come out yet and the NT scan and all ultrasounds and blood tests were normal. We thought everything was fine and had a great time being pregnant. But because of that experience my next pregnancy was extremely stressful, as is this current pregnancy. We did every test possible, including the amnio with #2 and the MT21 with this one. Everything is and was fine. E is as healthy as can be and so far, so is this current pregnancy. Yet, I just can't not worry about something being wrong. It's stressful, which is bad for the baby but I can't help it. I'll worry until the baby is born and I see for myself that everything is fine.
clementine / 854 posts
I just found out that I'm pregnant for the third. I've spent most of the past three days crying because I'm terrified I'm going to lose this one too. I want to be happy and enjoy this time with my husband. Instead, I'm trying to keep from crying. It sucks. I'm sorry all of you have been through this.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
@futuremama: I hope you can get some reassurance and did hope and excitement this time.
nectarine / 2600 posts
After I finally got pregnant a 2'nd time, I did worry. I would go back and forth between being excited, and being scared.
I tried to tell myself that worrying or not worrying wouldn't change anything. You kind of just have to let yourself feel what you're going to feel. I told myself not to get too excited. But then I'd be like "Shut up self, I'm pregnant and I'm just going to enjoy that for as long as I can!"
Unfortunately I lost the 2'nd one as well.
Now that I might have a reason for why I've lost 2, hopefully if/when I get pregnant a 3rd time, I'll feel more confidant in the pregnancy. I'm sure I will still be super nervous most of the time.
It's so true, mc totally robs us of our naivety. I'm jealous of those who can breeze right through pregnancy and feel totally fine announcing to the world after only 6 weeks or whatever. Not that I would wish on anyone to know what having to be cautious feels like.
Hugs lady. xoxo