Hellobee Boards

Login/Register

Mental Health Thread: How are YOU?

  1. heffalump

    GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts

    Exhausted. My LO is down to one nap a day, so that's less rest for me, and I'm taking a new med that makes me really drowsy. My parents are on vacation so I don't get the usual help from my mom during the week. I'm so tired!

    But other than that life is good

  2. BSB

    hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

    Kinda having a tough time with putting our TTC on hold because we are having marital issues. It just gets me down when I see babies and close friends announcing they are pregnant. I wish it were me but then when the DH and I fight, I'm glad I'm not pregnant. I'm excited and happy for them but just a little part of me is sad. We were TTC for 8 months, went to a fertility clinic, finally had a game plan to get pregnant (next step was IUI) and then decided to stop. I've been baby obsessed for probably the last 2 years now and it kills me that we have to wait. I know I 'tell' everyone that waiting to fix our relationship is best for us right now but deep down inside... I'm sad. Sad that my relationship isn't working out, sad that I have to wait to have a baby, sad that we couldn't get pregnant in the 8 months we were TTC for and then seeing some people get pregnant within 3 months. I guess it would be a little different if I were pregnant right now. But instead the thought of divorce goes in and out of my head and my future that I once dreamed of is slowly slipping away.

    I wish things were better for me. It feels like my life is crumbling around me.

    I know there is nothing I can do but wait and try to fix my relationship with the DH so our relationship can get stronger to start a family. I know that is what I 'should' do but not what I 'want' to do.

    I, also, have to add that I've had a history of depression (it's been about 6 years) and I thought I overcame it and was stronger because of it. I didn't think I would ever go back to that state but I think with everything going on... it's coming back. I know I need to go talk to someone about it.

    Anyway, thanks for letting me share.

  3. Honeybee

    pomelo / 5178 posts

    @bluestriped bee: Hugs. I was just thinking about you this morning. I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now.

  4. DillonLion

    GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts

    @bluestriped bee: Oh gosh, that sounds so challenging. But truthfully, I really admire you and your husband for acknowledging that there are issues and be willing to put TTC plans on hold to fix them. That is so mature and thoughtful for your future LOs.

  5. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @bluestriped bee: I wish I could give you a huge hug right now! I'm sorry it has to be an anonymous/virtual hug...*hugs*

    All I can say is keep being strong and brave. Admitting you need help is such a commendable thing and to be a good Mom we all have to learn how to manage tough times. If its any constellation it is so selfless of you to put your wants and even needs on hold to make sure your marriage is in a good place. A family is built on the foundation of a strong marriage. So many of us go through trouble, and working on it to make it better is so hard but hopefully is worth it in the end.

  6. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @artbee: this sounds bizarre but each time I get a headache I think of you Artbee! I hope you're feeling ok. Medication that makes you drowsy sucks! Especially when you're chasing a baby and keeping a house up as a SAHM

  7. regberadaisy

    GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts

    @bluestriped bee: oh sweetie. BIG HUGS to you. And mucho kudos for doing the harder thing and that is putting TTC on hold.

  8. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @BeachMama: Dealing with PPD is serious business. The hormones following pregnancy and during can be SO hard to manage. Do you have any hobbies you love? Maybe some time doing those things can help lift your spirits.

    @Goldilocks Bravo Mama! I'm so glad returning to work has been helpful for you. I also was anxious to get back and then was shocked when I struggled then too. This parent thing is a huge adjustment and keep remembering that everyone's journey is different!

  9. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @regberadaisy: So, you have a hard time not being aggressive huh? If you want talk it out with us so you can think of a way to be effective when speaking with your DH. I personally tend to make excuses for people sometimes and not nip and issue immediately in the bud as a result when I finally "loose" it its not pretty...

  10. looch

    wonderful pear / 26210 posts

    @MamaBehr: me too, you wrote it perfectly.

  11. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @Mrsdaredevil: I love your huge post!

    I totally feel you on the husband front! It sounds like you've tried explaining things to your DH about Willa. My DH has gotten very defensive because when we co-parent I tend to get bossy when he doesn't respond to DDs needs quick enough. Example, she is screaming and he is moving SO slow to respond to her. Truth is, he doesn't hear her the same. He didn't carry her for 10 months and Ive finally realized, you know what? That's a good thing! Instead of telling DH what to do have you offered to show him what you do? Instead of do this have you tried saying "I think she is a little overstimulated, can I show you a trick?" just a suggestion that may or may not work. I've let my DH come up with his own routines and ways of handling her because it's so important to let them bond. I recently left DD with her daddy for a full day! And since then she looks at him so differently and even prefers him for certain things now.

    It's so hard to find a balance when parenting! 99% of the time it isn't what you say it's how you say it.

  12. regberadaisy

    GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts

    @Nskillet: haha "aggressive" might not be the right word. I think sometimes my phrasing is not right and it comes off not the way I meant it.

  13. heffalump

    GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts

    @Nskillet: Hope you're not getting too many headaches! The side effects of this med does suck, but worth it because it works so well at keeping the migraines away. My LO's new favorite thing to do is to lay her keppie down on her pillow.... which I'm sure she's learned from me because I'm always so tired. I feel so bad because I'm teaching her to be lazy

  14. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @purrpletulips: give us some examples of what he does to annoy you! If that isn't prying.

  15. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @artbee: aww you aren't! You have a reason to lay down and you're not lazy girl please don't feel that way. You're amazing at what you do considering your headaches. I get them maybe 2 times a month and they literally kick my ass! I've yet to have to take care of LO when I have one.

  16. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @regberadaisy: ah yes foot in mouth syndrome! I know it all too well. Being red headed and Italian I have a big mouth. I actually said to another Mom at daycare "I've been admiring your daughters head". What I meant was "she's got such incredible neck strength for her age!". Ugh, and I wonder why I don't have tons of friends

  17. Mrs.M57

    kiwi / 515 posts

    It was great that this thread was started, I think the early days/months adjusting to having a lo are tough.

    Being a mommy is great for me, being a wife is not going so great. Hubby and I are definitely going through some growing pains. We argue almost daily, it's terrible. I feel like we have gotten so caught up in baby M that we have forgotten how to be good to each other. We went on a date on Saturday and it was really wonderful. But, we went right back to arguing had a horrible blow out on Sunday and again last night, I ended up leaving and walking around target to cool down.

    Hoping this gets easier. I feel for all of you ladies!

  18. purrpletulips

    pomegranate / 3414 posts

    @nkskillet: these are the three biggest (at the moment) - 1) he leaves his clothes wherever he undresses and I often find socks stuffed in the couch cushions (he's always done this but it periodically infuriates me), 2) I HATE doing dishes so I run the dishwasher pretty much every night, since he gets home about an hour before me I ask that he unloads the dishwasher so that I can put away any lunch dishes and have clean counters when I go to start dinner, lately he hasn't been doing this until after dinner when there are dirty dishes EVERYWHERE, 3) he taps DD and me on the head (or he'll smack me on the backside while walking by-like ball players do to each other), I don't like it and have asked him to stop but he hasn't and DD has started to say "no daddy" when he does it to her yet he continues.

  19. mrsjazz

    coconut / 8234 posts

    @Nskillet: You are awesome. Not at all creepy. Just suggesting the phone call made me smile. And you're on the East Coast, too so no time zone difference.

    @bluestriped bee: I wish I could give you a big hug right now. Sometimes being a a mature adult sucks!

  20. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @mrsjazz: I have always admired the name choice for your LO and your avatar! I'd definitely ring you Im in CT

    @purrpletulips: 1) totally annoying! Have you set up like random laundry basket in places? We just started doing this and it has helped us lately!

    2) I am with you and this is my one huge pet peeve about DH. He literally leaves EVERYTHING in the sink and never in the dish washer. Sounds like you have been communicating your frustrations without him listening a la number 3! Have you sat him down to say his behavior really upsets you and even more that he seems to not care about it?!

  21. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @Mrs.M57: aww I hear you girl! DH has always had a hard time managing stress. He had some terrible moments while I was on maternity leave. We still bicker more often than before LO but I have found when we try and make time for each other and not talk about LO we feel so much better/more connected. Pre baby we loved listening to music and enjoying cocktails. Now we do this when LO is in bed and we reconnect.

  22. Mrs. Yoyo

    blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts

    @MamaBehr: @looch: Count me in, ladies ...

  23. purrpletulips

    pomegranate / 3414 posts

    @nkskillet: 1) haven't tried the laundry basket idea but its an idea, it is actually getting funny because whenever DD (28m) finds one of his random socks she tries to put it on so he has been getting a little better about those (she also will point to his random clothing and say "no daddy") and 3) it is a continual discussion between us especially because he does it to DD and she also expresses that she doesn't like it, I am trying to get him to understand that he needs to respect her wishes because if he doesn't then she won't feel comfortable telling people not to do things that bother her as she grows up (kind of a why waste the energy when my wishes have never been heard scenario).

  24. Mrs. Yoyo

    blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts

    @regberadaisy: I felt like this a lot earlier on. I still do sometimes, but it does get a bit better as they get older. I just wanted to say that what you're feeling is totally normal (not that it makes it any easier).

  25. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @purrpletulips: I mean, I kinda want to know WHY he thinks it's ok to basically invade you and your daughters personal space! If you say you don't like something and if she does that's violating trust in a way, you know? You're right about your DD too thinking her voice/wishes won't be heard by others if they are making her uncomfortable. Does he think it's funny?

  26. purrpletulips

    pomegranate / 3414 posts

    @nskillet: he usually does it when he's in a joking/playful mood so I guess; he had a pretty odd childhood so I'm sure most of it comes from his upbringing. We are working through it but at times (like now when I'm 35w pregnant) it just gets frustrating at times.

  27. mrs. wagon

    blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts

    I love this thread.

    I had what I consider my version of an anxiety attack last night-- I've had them in the past, mostly during college, and I think they are caused by stress combined with sleep deprivation. It always starts in the shower-- I start to feel like people are all around me, excitedly (not necessarily negatively) shouting and spurring me on. It's kind of like when you hear music like "Eye of the Tiger" and you start doing everything faster and faster and feel more motivated, except it's voices instead of music and it starts to spiral faster and faster out of control. During the attack it's all I can do to keep myself in control and I feel like I'm moving through molasses, brushing my hair, putting my watch on, putting lotion on my legs... it's torture.

    It passed after about 30 mins, thank God. I've never spoken to anyone about this other than Wagon Sr. !!! But I thought this thread popped up at just the right time. Thanks for letting me share...

  28. regberadaisy

    GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts

    @Mrs. Yoyo: aww thanks. I think what makes it harder is we're also renovating our new home. So my husband is over there a lot. Which means I don't see him a lot and he feels guilty for being over there so much and not home with M.

  29. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @mrs. wagon: OMG! I experience this too! Except it's like shouting inner voices that are sooooo loud! It's almost deafening I've tried explaining it to DH as someone on a bullhorn shouting at me but using the voice of my inner dialogue. I can never put it into words like you just did. Whoa!

  30. mrs. wagon

    blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts

    @Nskillet: OMG!!!! That is EXACTLY what I experience!!! I wonder what it could be... isn't it horrible?? I'm so so glad I posted about it.. knowing it's not just me makes me feel so much better!!!

  31. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @mrs. wagon: weirdly, it always starts in the shower for me too! Maybe all that steam/hot water makes us kinda weak/faint? And I agree it happens during times of stress & fatigue. When DH talks to me I can hold a conversation but it's like you say slower and harder! Also, lights seem weirdly brighter.....

  32. mrs. wagon

    blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts

    @Nskillet: omg. Ok now that I have an anxiety buddy we should start researching and figuring out exactly what it is!!!

  33. Nskillet

    persimmon / 1099 posts

    @mrs. wagon: right?! I have no idea and always thought I was crazy! Sometimes it has struck me when I'm awake in the middle of the night. It's like my bathroom is the trigger....

  34. MsLipGloss

    GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts

    @MrsWagon @NSkillet: I would not have believed that others went through this if I hadn't read your posts! For me it starts after the shower, the first time I look in the mirror . . . it's like hundreds of mirror images of myself appear (like fun house mirrors where the mirrors are arranged so that you seen hundreds of images of yourself reflected back at you), all saying/shouting things to me, and in each subsequent mirror image the voices get louder and louder until I can't hear any distinct voices anymore, and it just becomes a mob in my head. I always have to leave the bathroom close my eyes, and try to clear the image from my mind so that I can quiet the mob. Sometimes it takes several minutes, and it is completely overwhelming and stressful, and causes physical anxiety as well.

  35. mrs. wagon

    blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts

    @MsLipGloss: @Nskillet: oh my God. I wonder if we will find even more others who experience this kind of mob voices anxiety attack!! I wonder if there are any psychologists on the boards who can help us...!!

  36. MsLipGloss

    GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts

    @MrsWagon @NSkillet: Thank you both for sharing, because I totally feel like a crazy person when it happens to me . . . although I remind myself that crazy people don't think they're crazy.

  37. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

    This thread is awesome - I wish I had time to reply to everyone but since Tyler is on a napping strike I have NO idea when he is going to wake up - he has been asleep in the swing for 1 hour and 15 minutes.....my FIRST break of more than 30 minutes in over 24 hours (if you don't count overnight sleep as a break).

    I'm doing well. Tired, but good. Tyler is 3 months now and I feel like despite his wonky sleeping behavior the last week during his growth spurt, things have smoothed out tremendously. It is sort of hard for me to admit it, but the first 6 weeks of motherhood were REALLY difficult for me. He was a low birth weight baby, didn't feed well, and I was really stressed out and did not do well on very little sleep. I felt really guilty about not loving being a mom at first, but honestly I was in too much of a haze to enjoy it. But since the 6 week mark, it got so much better (perhaps coinciding with my decision to pump and feed T bottles of pumped milk). Now I absolutely love being a mommy and just love him more than words. I visited my work today and am so bummed about ever having to go back (even though my job is great). I feel fortunate to have family close by so that I get some mommy time - I was feeling the need for a haircut/mani/pedi a few weeks ago and called my mom to babysit. Voila. Helps that we were on vacation last week, too. I'm on a no dairy diet because of T's tummy troubles, which is difficult and I'm dying for a slice of pizza, but oh well.

    On the husband front - we definitely were not nurturing our relationship enough and I was getting SO frustrated with him as I did not feel like he was being considerate of the fact that my job is 24 hours a day. However, on vacation, he fed T most of his bottles, changed most of the diapers, etc. We even went out to dinner ourselves. We need to do more of that.

  38. Mrs. Pickle

    blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts

    I'm trying not to think about being itchy! I have a rash that popped up over the weekend. I thought it was the shingles at first. I went to the doctor today and she told me it is pityriasis rosea and that I will have it for three months! Good thing it isn't contagious.

    I've spent a lot of time lately being impatient. I'm impatient for a pregnancy, impatient to start renovating some rooms of our house, to have enough money to go on a big vacation again, etc. I've especially been struggling with the pregnancy stuff. Some days I feel like we have waited for so long and all my thought go negative. I think things like why is this happening to us? How come people who don't want babies get pregnant everyday? Is my faith not strong enough? I try really hard not to spiral like that, but it gets tough. I'm trying to live in the moment as much as possible.

    Things between my husband and I are great though. When my "crazy" comes out (what I like to call it) he reins me back in. I don't know what I'd be like without him.

  39. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

    @nskillet: way to go on the job interviews!!

    @mrsdaredevil: I had this problem with DH (still do on some level....) but I think what helped was telling him how I do things (not telling him how he SHOULD do things) and then really leaving him alone with T to figure out how to do them. He's always been pretty good at the bottle feeding thing, but he was never any good at getting him to sleep. While on vacation, I went out with my mom and sister for the morning and told him generally when I thought T would be ready for a nap. DH later told me that he thought "I'll show her that T doesn't want to be swaddled" and learned the hard way when he fell asleep but then bonked himself 15 minutes later and woke up. He then figured out the way to get him to sleep on his own (ie, my way, haha) and T took a 2 hour nap.

  40. lilteacherbee

    cantaloupe / 6791 posts

    I'm actually okay-ish Its been 3 weeks since our m/c and I'm starting to feel like myself again. I've been to the gym twice this week and it feels amazing to get back into it. I have my post-op appointment tomorrow and I can't wait to talk to my doc.

    This is truly the hardest thing I've been through, but I really do believe that "everything happens for a reason." I'm trying so hard to be positive because I realized being sad/depressed isn't going to get me what I want more than anything: a healthy baby. The only thing that will get me there is being mentally/physically healthy, a whole lot of praying, and getting ready to TTC again! DH and I are a LOT closer after all of this and for that, I'm truly thankful!

    Oh, and last week I finally went to visit my best friend and her baby (who was born 2 days after my D&C). Oh my gosh, I love that little girl so much already. She is beautiful and sweet and she helps me to look forward to the future...she doesn't make me sad at all, like I had feared.

    Overall, I'm doing well and staying strong

Reply »

You must login / Register to post

© copyright 2011-2014 Hellobee