Hi Everyone, so I'm really irritated with my MIL. Everytime she comes over she is always comparing my LO to another relative's baby that is a few weeks younger than mine. Today we were telling her how excited we were that our LO one is able to pull himself up to a sitting position and all she could say is how the other baby is already crawling (which I already know since she told me last week). Everytime the other baby achieves a milestone she always has to call me up and tell me about it and asks if my LO has achieved it as well. When she comes and visits and plays with LO she will try to "encourage" LO by telling him how he should be doing this or that since the other baby is already doing it and is younger than him. It's so annoying. I didn't realize my LO was competing in a race. I'm getting to the point that I just want to tell her something, but I don't want to create a big problem. Anyone else dealing with this? Any advice. Sorry for the long post. 
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Can you ask DH to say something as if it bothers him???
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Comparing sucks. But honestly by the time kids are about one their own personality comes out so much that it makes it easier (well I guess actually harder to compsre).
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@FaithFertility: I asked him, and he suggested we not share anymore of LO's achievements with her that way she won't bring up the other baby and make comparisons. DH is not a confrontational person so he doesn't want to say anything to his mom.
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@Mrs.Waffles: Can you just tell her yourself, in a nice way? The next time she makes a comparison, just say "I know "Jimmy" is already crawling, but I don't want us to focus on comparing the two babies constantly--let's just celebrate LO for what he's doing. He'll do everything in his own time", or something along those lines.
My LO was always on the late side for physical milestones and the few times comparisons were made to other nieces/nephews or our friends' babies, I would just bluntly say, "Well, LO is always a little on the late side to physical milestones, and right now I'm just thrilled she's __________ (crawling, reaching, sitting, walking) now."
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Ugh I'm sorry! My nephew and dd1 are one week apart. In the first year it was the worst. Whenever I told my mom DD did x she would say oh nephew can do x y Z. She lives with him so everything is greater, that is done by him. Honestly, I got to the point where I stopped telling her milestones. And I did freak out on her a few times. But yeah...can't really do that to your mil!
It is soooo annoying.
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@Anagram: I like your advice.
Unless you specifically point out what she's doing is comparing the two LOs (and ask her to stop) she probably doesn't even realize it. Comparing kids is natural, we all compare things based on what we know and is familiar; but comparing kids has negative impacts too.
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I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue, but I'm a hot head. I would definitely say something though or you'll just end up resenting her visits and start avoiding telling her things. Besides, when babies are young a few weeks makes a big difference in development!
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Ugh, MILs and comparing babies...two things I can't stand, lol. We have friends with a son a few days younger than my son and I hate hearing about what he can do because all I do is compare!
I need to stop. Rationally I know they all even out eventually but it's hard not to compare and it's negatively impacted our friendship.In terms of your MIL, what if you had an genuine heart-to-heart with her and let her know it hurts you when she compares the two? She may not mean to be hurtful and maybe she feels she's just passing along information. Maybe if you kindly explain how it makes you feel, she'll understand and stop!!
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Thanks Bees for your replies. I agree with your suggestions about talking to my MIL. I just wished she could be content with the progress my LO is making regardless of the other baby.
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My MIL does this. One of my nephews was born less than a month after my DS, so she is forever comparing the two. It did annoy me at first, but now I think it's really just her way of conversing about her grand kids. I can see that it would be annoying if she makes you feel like your child is "behind" the other one, but I think it probably just gives her something to talk about. When MIL compares these days, I just kind of nod and agree and move on.
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I feel you too. DD has a cousin that's 2 weeks older and MIL is with her everyday. So they get compared a lot. Also, to MIL, the way she takes care of cousin is the way she'd take care of DD even though we keep telling her that every baby is different!
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My mil did it a lot for LO 2 and my niece and it was definitely annoying.
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That's so upsetting and rude. I'm sorry. Why don't people take a step outside themselves and imagine how it makes other people feel to be the recipient of such commentary.
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My SIL does this same thing. Her daughter is about 4 months older than DS. Honestly, I just grin and bear it and try super hard not to get sucked in. I know it stems from her insecurities. Thankfully we don't see them that often but it really does suck!
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So I am dealing with the opposite (sort of) but it is equally annoying. My MIL thinks everything my son does is "advanced" and she even makes ridiculous claims that he's done stuff in front of her that I've never seen and I KNOW he's not doing (she sees him once a week for about 2 hours and I'm with him all day every day). She has claimed that he claps, gives high fives, crawls, understands the word "stop", and sings "in tune" with his toys that play music. It's all totally absurd and not remotely true. He's just about 8 months.
My husband's family is pretty conceited and thinks they are all geniuses. So I feel like they are putting some pressure or expectations on him already. After one of these ridiculous claims about a month ago, I finally snapped and said "you're all going to be really disappointed when he grows up to be average". Which I know was not the best response. But what if he has learning disabilities? Or has a C average in school? Will they not love him as much? Feel let down? I don't like the way they talk about him for 2 reasons - 1) I feel like they are going to be disappointed in him if he is average intelligence or has a learning disability and 2) I don't want to raise a son who thinks he's better than everyone because his family tells him so.
So, while its different, I feel you on the MIL milestone comments. I dont have much advice though since I haven't tackled it head on yet, I only made that one off-the-cuff comment, and I don't even think they understood why I said it.
I need to stop. Rationally I know they all even out eventually but it's hard not to compare and it's negatively impacted our friendship.
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