A close friend had a miscarriage. I'd like to recognize that and send her something to say I'm thinking of her. If you had a miscarriage, would you have appreciated something from a friend afterwards?
I'm thinking something like an edible arrangement.
pomelo / 5129 posts
I think that's a really nice idea. I think the fact that it's not something that will stick around if she doesn't want a reminder.
nectarine / 2784 posts
That would be really nice! There was a blog post a little while ago about a care package for a friend who suffered a loss. I would have really appreciated something like an edible arrangement. You are such a good friend!
pear / 1593 posts
That sounds like the perfect kind of gift! Thoughtful without too much extra emotional sentiment to process attached to it.
ETA: I would have appreciated the acknowledgement since it bothered me that most people would never know about the LO we lost since it was early.
pomelo / 5129 posts
Related to what @runnerd: said, in addition to the gift, maybe make a note to text her a simple "How are doing?" text randomly over the next couple of months. The person who kept checking in on my well after most people stopped checking up really meant the world to me.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
I think that's really sweet of you! Fruit is an awesome way to go.
pomelo / 5524 posts
I think that's a really nice idea and you're a great friend for thinking of her.
I would also suggest a month or two out to send her an "I'm thinking of you" card just telling her that you admire her strength and what she's going through, and if she ever needs to talk, to let you know. My SIL did this after my 4th miscarriage and after we were going through surgeries to get pregnant with my current pregnancy. I kept it by my bedside and read it when I was feeling down, and it meant so much that she took the time to send it.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
@MaryM: @2PeasinaPod: that's a really good idea to show her I remember what she went through. I'll put it on my calendar to send her a card in a month or so.
cantaloupe / 6634 posts
In addition to the edible arrangement, I would actually send a text saying something along the lines of "you don't need to respond but I am thinking of you and I love you. " I appreciated the ones that didn't ask me to respond.
nectarine / 2148 posts
I would agree that checking in on her is a really good idea. I got really mad at my family I shared the news with when they never bothered to check in with me. This is something so emotional and personal that the people I thought were suppose to care about me never bothered to see how I was doing. It made my 'recovery' harder.
cantaloupe / 6800 posts
The first friend I made on HB was a sweet lady who sent me some cookies after I had a MC. @autumnlove where were those cookies from?! So so good and the fact that she was thinking of me and cared enough to send something meant the world.
This is one of those things that a small token and a text/call/card is all you need. Anything too big and extravagant or permanent, like a figurine or something is too firm of a reminder. If that makes sense
nectarine / 2641 posts
Yes, please continue to check in with your friend. And be willing to listen (if she feels like talking about it). I felt like a few of my friends who did ask didn't really want to hear (so while I appreciated the effort, I wondered why they bothered). It was definitely something I needed to talk about, and there were few people I felt would listen.
I think a temporary gift is wonderful. I bought a necklace to commemorate my loss and remember my precious little one, but I know not everyone wants a permanent reminder.
grapefruit / 4988 posts
That is really sweet. Yes, edibles or something like flowers would be a great choice. Definitely also check in in a month or two as well, once she has had some time.
@Eko: This happened to me as well. No one ever mentioned my miscarriage ever again after we told family about it. Some people checked in with DH but no one ever asked me directly how I was doing and it hurt. It made it seem like I had imagined my pregnancy or something.
pomelo / 5607 posts
Definitely agree that nice texts that specifically said I didn't need to respond were good. My cousin sent me a gift basket with some bath stuff, which was very nice for taking care of myself. I didn't keep the notebook that came with it, because of the association, so I also agree that non-permanent is good.
cantaloupe / 6630 posts
I think it's lovely of you to do this for your friend. I also second the people who said to send texts a little while down the line. It meant the world to me when people acknowledged my lost LO later on. Even now, a year on, it means a lot. I was very hurt by members of my family and DH's who never mentioned it again. For me, having people who actually asked me about it, really helped healing. If you know her due date,letting her know you are thinking of her on that day could mean a lot to her too.
grapefruit / 4361 posts
I echo the comments here, especially the ideas of non-permanence and future follow up.
I received 5 bouquets of flowers. While the thought was much appreciated, they were a visual reminder for 3-4 weeks of the loss, and flowers eventually die, and I didn't need anymore reminders of death.
My closest coworkers got us a gift card to a nice restaurant and a gift card to the movies. I appreciated how it was tailored to us (we loved the movies) and acknowledged DH, too. Going out on a date night was good for us.
Some people also brought us meals, which was helpful because we didn't have the focus / energy to cook real meals.
clementine / 957 posts
I second what everyone else has said. The edible arrangement is a good idea . As well as the checking in a few weeks. It was nice to know people were still thinking of us.
Also, it was nice when people acknowledged DH and his feelings. The people who did ask how I was doing never asked about DH and his feelings and I know that was hard for him.
It's really nice of you to think about doing something sweet for your friend 
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
@MrsTiz: Aww, they were from Cookies by Joey!
pomelo / 5084 posts
@mediagirl: I am sorry for your friend. 
My friend had one also (our babies were due on the same day, so ever harder) and I have her a little birthstone memento of the month for her angel baby.
grapefruit / 4066 posts
So sorry for your friend! I was looking for ideas the other day too, my coworker and friend just had an MC and wasn't sure what to get/do!
grapefruit / 4079 posts
@runnerd: same. I feel like people just didn't know what to do or say so it was like my baby never existed.
grapefruit / 4079 posts
I had a friend send me flowers which I thought was thoughtful. My mother in law brought over dinner. Another friend bought me a willow statue to remember my baby by and my aunt sent me a carb. It was nice to have my baby acknowledged.
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
My sister brought over pizza and wine for me. My parents came to town and took me to dinner. Girlfriends mostly checked in with me. It was all appreciated.
When my friend had two miscarriages in a row I got her a birthstone necklace on etsy to remember her angel babies. She seemed to really like if.
honeydew / 7463 posts
One of my best friends sent me flowers after my 2nd miscarriage that just said "thinking of you". It was really sweet, and I'm not usually one who likes attention, etc.
nectarine / 2600 posts
one friend just sent me a simple card. It was nice to know she was thinking about me.
| Today | Monthly Record | |
|---|---|---|
| Topics | 1 | 0 |
| Posts | 0 | 0 |
Ask for Help
Make a Suggestion
Frequently Asked Questions
Bee Levels
Acronyms
Most Viewed Posts
Hellobee Gold
Hellobee Recipes
Hellobee Features
Hellobee Contests
Baby-led Weaning
Bento Boxes
Breastfeeding
Newborn Essentials
Parties
Postpartum Care Essentials
Sensory Play Activities
Sleep Training
Starting Solids Gear
Transitioning to Toddler Bed
All Series
Who We Are
About the Bloggers
About the Hostesses
Contributing Bloggers
Apply to Blog
Apply to Hostess
Submit a Guest Blog
Hellobee Buttons
How We Make Money
Community Policies
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
27 comments