LO is just over four months old and almost 16 pounds. He is still waking twice a night to eat (EBF), and a few additional times to just cry. Mommy is incredibly sleep deprived and at the end of her rope. 
Where do I start???
CIO is not an option for us. LO sleeps n our room and we have a small apartment so there's no "turn off the monitor and walk away."
LO sleeps mostly in his swing, which he's rapidly outgrowing. He has a crib in our room too. He gets naps in the swing, our bed, peoples arms, or random spots like the living room couch or recliner. We occasionally co sleep out of desperation. He also still sleeps swaddled at night, which I believe he likes, but he also fights to get a hand out sometimes too.
Please help me get more than 1-2 hours of sleep at a time!!!
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Read some other threads that reminded me of some more details I should confess to...
We have a bedtime routine including bath that we do at a fairly consistent time every night (8ish). I also nurse to sleep. For naps and wake ups when we don't nurse we bounce LO on an exercise ball to get him to sleep (killing our backs!). He's put down asleep 99% of the time. DH and I both WOH full time so everyone getting the most sleep possible is always the goal ... but I'm not getting much!! -
LO nurses for long periods at night these days (30 minutes plus right now, compared to an efficient 15 or less during the day), which makes me think part of it is just comfort/habit? He's nursing now for ever, and keeps falling in and out of sleep.
Do I need to get everyone to make him nap in his crib during the day? Different people (grandma, nana, DH) do different things each day.
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Yikes, sleep in your house sounds like sleep in mine. No advice as I'm trying to figure this out, just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
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@ALV91711: so sorry you're dealing with this too! Last night I decided we need to start putting LO in the crib all the time to get him used to it. And I swaddled him with his arms out (so he still had the snug feeling around his chest). He did okay. When he woke up he was babbling instead of crying, I think because his arms were free. Also, one of the times he woke up in the middle of the night, I waited instead of running to get him and he fell back asleep. Progress!
Any hellobee sleep experts want to chime in with advice for us?
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I would definitely try to get him to sleep in the crib full time for consistency. Wait 5-10 mins before getting him at night to see if he will settle. He may be legit hungry at night, but should definitely sleep more than 1-2 hours. Also 4 month sleep regression?? That was horrible.for us!!
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Have you read the no cry sleep solution? Se addresses situations where there is room sharing like yours. We were like you and suffered until 6.5 months when we sleep trained. Hopefully things get better for you!
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Another thing you can try is putting him to bed earlier! Xander's usually in bed around 7:00/7:15 and asleep by 7:30. Maybe your LO is going to bed too late and that's messing with his ability to sleep soundly for very long?
Also, we transitioned Xander to his crib at home, but he still naps anywhere and everywhere at daycare and it doesn't seem to affect his night sleeping at all.
You could also try taking a weekend to sleep train him for naps and at night and that might help during the next week. I hope you get some sleep soon!!!
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Does he take a pacifier? Do you use white noise? I agree that I would try to transition to the crib as well. DD started sleeping better with that transition. I know you said CIO isnt an option but are you able to try it during the day?
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Awe hun, it sounds like you're in the midst of the dreaded 4 month sleep regression
when we went through it we transitioned her to her crib at night and also in her own room. Also we let her cry for short periods of time before going in and soothing. I totally understand how you feel because I remember being so tired I felt like it was unsafe for me to drive. We stayed in every day and I wore nothing but sweatpants waiting for the next nap time so we could both get 45 minutes of sleep (yup I had a micro napper too). It just got to he point where I was miserable, the baby was miserable for being so tired, and I felt like I wasn't able to be a good mommy. I hated hearing her cry but after a night or two the crying decreased and everyone started sleeping better. I also thought and maybe would work for you to try a dreamfeed before you go to bed? Bottom line baby sleep is ever changing and you will sleep again I promise! Just hang in there and do the best you can for your LO and for you too!
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Also to add we examined her nap schedule and saw we were putting her down for her last nap around 5/ 5:30 and then bedtime wasn't until 9 or 10 (way too late). So we slowly adjusted naps and bedtime to turn that last "nap" into her bedtime at 6:30pm. The earlier her bedtime the better she slept. She kept that early bedtime until about 10 months and then pushed it back to 7.
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Honestly the game changer for us was putting her down awake. I know, way easier said than done, but the swing can help with this. I removed myself from bedtime so that the boobs were no longer part of the equation. DH does bedtime now. We have a full routine (bath, massage, swaddle, white noise) and DH does give her a bottle of pumped milk. He then puts her down and stays in the room until she falls asleep (5-10 minutes). It wasn't easy to start with but he discovered that if he put her down and sang to her she would eventually fall asleep. Over time she stopped needing the singing and now puts herself to sleep.
I, personally, wouldn't worry too much about consistency between daytime and nighttime, as these types of sleep are governed by different parts of the brain. I think it's important to have consistency between nighttime and nighttime, and daytime and daytime though.
Other things to consider: make sure he's not being kept awake too long during the day (put down at first signs of sleepiness). Early bedtime.
This website has been like my bible. We're currently using it to help wean off the swing. Alexis is a wealth of information, but also totally practical and hilarious: troublesometots.com.
Good luck! Sleep deprivation is so freaking hard
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We've had good success with the Merlin magic sleep suit! We suffered from month 4-5 and now E is sleeping like a champ. It has been a lifesaver for us! We also worked to put her down sleepy but awake a month or so ago and it has gone really well. Sometimes she still falls asleep in our arms, but we no longer have to rock or bounce her to sleep. A white noise machine is also really helpful. We use a paci, too. We start our routine at 7pm so that she's asleep by 730 or 8pm.
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Thanks for all of your ideas guys, I hadn't bad time to sort through it yet.
Tonight has been HORRIBLE so far. LO's first stretch of sleep was his longest, a whopping hour and eleven minutes. Up five times since them! So I have had pretty much zero sleep!! I'm dying and the night is only half over. Not sure how I will make it through work tomorrow
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@yellowbird: I guess this might be the four month sleep regression? It's terrible and it's been happening for almost two weeks now. I was going to take all of your great advice and implement a plan starting Friday evening, had no idea tonight (Thursday). Would be so bad!!! I need to start with putting LO is his crib consistently. I was desperate and put him in his swing once so far tonight. That got me his second longest stretch of sleep - one hour and seven minutes. Ugh
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@hilsy85: I haven't read that book but it sounds worth checking out. Thanks
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@cmomma17: Sorry to hear about your sleep.
I don't think you answered, but do you have a white noise machine? Is it possible for him to be in his own room? I know when K slept/has to sleep in the same room as us, she tends to wake up a lot more. We have the lightest sleeper in the world it seems! Once we transitioned her to her own room, she slept longer, better, and would fall back asleep more often than not when she'd wake up for a bit. In our room, she could smell me, and I'd be hypersensitive to her sounds. I'd have to duck to be out of her sight and try to get her to all back asleep. No advice on naps yet. I'm still struggling with that one on the daily and still in survival mode for "any way we can get it."
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I hope tonight gets better for you. No sleep is hard.
Last night DS went to bed for almost an hour, woke up and it took 2.5 hours to get him asleep again. He would fall asleep and I'd put him to bed and as soon as his head touched he would. E screaming.
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I am so exhausted and at the end of my rope ladies.
I was barely functioning all day at work and then I come home to a clearly exhausted red-eyed baby. He took three naps today with my mom, all less than an hour each. My DH tried to help me out by trying to put the baby down before he went to the gym. He bounced and rocked him for a good fifteen minutes or longer and almost got him to sleep but LO starts screaming when he gets out down. I tried for ten minutes to rock him just now and all he does is fuss and cry. He fought the swaddle until one arm got out and then he rips his paci out of his own mouth. Now he's CIO briefly in his crib because mentally I just couldn't take it anymore and need a little break! I'm so exhausted!I had already planned on starting bedtime a half hour earlier from tonight on to see if that helped us, but I was honestly too tired to read all the replies and come up with more of a plan!
For those who ask we do use white noise and a pacifier. I can't nap train because I WOH full time. Childcare is not consistent for LO either so I don't know if daytime sleep will ever be consistent.
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Well I let him cry it out for 16 minutes. He screamed his head off and kicked around so violently that he got his arms AND legs out of the swaddle (a swaddle me blanket). He also has the hiccups from crying so hard.
So now baby is still tired. Mommy is still tired. And now mommy feels like a terrible awful person. only 30 minutes until "new bedtime..."
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Oof, that sounds like us at four months. The four month sleep regression was tough. LO was sleeping for naps and night in her crib, but her sleep sucked and we had to bounce her on the exercise ball every time.
For the sleep regression, we just did whatever it took to get her to sleep. To maximize our sleep, I did the first shift from bedtime until three am, and left expressed milk in the fridge and then DH took her into the living room to sleep in the pack and play while he slept on the sofa and dealt with the rest of the wake ups. I don't know if your living space would accommodate this but it got us a few hours of unbroken sleep.
For the bouncing, we slowly transitioned to drowsy but awake. We kept bouncing, but would put her down just as her eyelids were starting to droop. If she woke up when she was put down in the crib we'd pick her up, bounce her until drowsy again and put her down. It took a few weeks, but we were able to do less and less bouncing, and then start putting her down and lying down on the bed by her crib and shushing her and over time she learnt to put herself to sleep.
I found troublesometots.com absolutely invaluable for advice on slowly putting the baby down drowsy but awake and the site has some really good advice on sleep regressions and swing and swaddle weaning.
Good luck! I hope you get some rest over the weekend.
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DH and I WOH full time too and I distinctly remember months 4-7 being... well, awful. He started sleeping through the night around 7 weeks and after the four month regression he stopped! WTF? The little booger teased me. We also lived in a one bedroom but eventually moved to a two bedroom. Would it be possible for you and DH to camp out in the living room for a few nights while y'all sleep trained? I feel for you! It sucks! *hugs* it gets better mama! You're doing great.
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Do not feel awful. Babies cry and it will not hurt them. Maybe he is just not liking the swaddle. Maybe he would be better in a sleep sack? I am sorry you are feeling this way
i hope you can find relief soon.
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Hang in there! Those first few months of sleep deprivation are so rough! Have you tried the Ferber method where you come in and comfort LO in increasing intervals? You can make it whatever intervals you want as long as it increases. So you let LO cry 2 min, then comfort them. If they're still crying, come back in 5 min, then 7 min, etc. Eventually they learn to put themselves to sleep. It really worked for us! The straight CIO method didn't work for us at all.
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@Adira: thanks. Last night was horrible, I'm going to have to make a separate post! I did start an earlier bedtime like you suggested. 7:30 instead of 8. Friday night it seemed to make a difference and he slept 2.5 hrs his first stretch. Still lots of wake ups. I think Friday night he slept well because he was so exhausted from the night before. Saturday night we did early bedtime again and last night was the worst night of sleep ever. 8-9 wake ups, lost count. And wide awake at 4 am and took me forever to get him back down. Luckily DH and I are both home today, I would not have survived work or a day alone with LO.
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@autumn865: thanks. Unfortunately, I can't nap train during the day because I work full time
our childcare is grandma and nana and I don't think I could get them to do it, or trust they were doing it right. I'd love to try a dreamfeed but I don't think he's been asleep long enough lately to take one! Like last night we nursed to sleep, and he was up 20 minutes later then 50 minutes, 26 minutes, 34 minutes .... I have bumped bedtime from 8 to 730 and will go earlier if we need to.@Lindsay05: unfortunately I work during the day so that's not an option
we use white noise and a pacifier for both bedtime and naps.@heartonastring: HOW did you do the putting down awake? I feel like that is what we need to do but I know it will be a screamfest! And what if he nurses to sleep? Do I then wake him up before putting him in the crib? And I can't take the boobs away because DH works late nights so I do bedtime alone
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@heartonastring: another thing I meant to say is my LO (at only 4 months) is too big for his swing! If he doesn't want to be in it (like if we put him down awake I imagine), he will thrash around until he almost falls out.
Thanks for the link too. I do really like that website, I had used it when LO was teeny and that's what made us buy our swing to begin with! I like her, good info, but after reading everything I feel like I still don't know exact,y what to DO. I need a plan! -
Ugh, I feel you lady. Our 4 month sleep regression was miserable! We ended up coping by co-bedding for most of the night. Maybe in your situation, you could talk with all of LOs caregivers and get them on the same page. It was true for us that when his daytime sleep is good, his nighttime sleep is better.
Also, I tell myself constantly: "it is a phase. It is a short short time in the grand scheme. It will get better. I will sleep soon". Good luck!
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@cmomma17: Ugh, sorry to hear the earlier bedtime didn't really help! Maybe he's going through a growth spurt or something?? I'm sorry you're not getting much sleep!!!
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@blackbird: we use pacifier, and white noise already. I just moved bedtime from 8 to 730 two days ago but might go earlier if I have to. Poor baby is getting just as sleep deprived as mommy
can you tell me more about your process of putting down sleepy but awake? Were you still swaddling at that point? In the crib? Any crying it out involved?
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@Elderberrygin: no rest for the weary. Sleep this weekend has been awful! I hear you on the exercise ball! That's what we use as well. I bounced for 30 minutes at 4 am to get him back to sleep!
my back is killing me! I wonder if it could work to wean from the time I bounce? Like 10 minutes max for a few days, then 8, 6, and so on until finally no bouncing?
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@keiki_mama: camping out in the living room isn't a bad idea. We have a second bedroom that should be the nursery but there are still two beds in it from when my stepkids were here in July. I don't want to full on CIO but maybe starting the evening in a different room for LO would help? May e we could just try for a week or so until we get over the hump and he starts learning to go to sleep on his own?
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@Lindsay05: sleep sack is a great idea thanks. I'm pretty sure I have one stashed somewhere! It's so confusing because he does not sleep well without the swaddle! He always does better with it. But he's having more and more moments when he is waking up fighting to get out of it. I let his arms out around 3 am last night but getting him back to sleep with them free was a nightmare!!!
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@JoyfulKiwi: thanks. Yeah I guess I need to have a talk with team grandma again. It's hard because they don't listen well. My mom also doesn't "get" sleep training, swaddling, or white noise at all. She thinks its all weird and that the baby will sleep when he needs to. She's also the only person who can get him to sleep without a swaddle or bouncing though! So frustrating. My MIL on the other hand, holds LO for every single nap. It's a bad habit I can't keep up with at night!
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@Adira: thanks
I do think earlier bedtime was good advice and it will help eventually. I need to stay consistent and keep doing it past these first two nights. Last night was horrible and I'm exhausted. I honestly don't know what the next step is.
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@cmomma17: I hope tonight goes better! *hug*
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This probably won't work, but does he happen to like a pacifier? I kept pushing the pacifier until my daughter liked it, and then I could usually just give her a pacifier in the night to go back to sleep unless she was truly very hungry.
I also agree with the sleep sack option. Our daughter became increasingly unhappy with the swaddle around this age, and once I switched her to the sleep sack, she started sleeping much better. Some babies need the swaddle for a lot longer though, so this could completely backfire, but it's another one that is worth a try.
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@skibobrown: we already use a pacifier, he loves it. I don't feed him every time he wakes up, just twice a night. Pacifier unfortunately doesn't make him go right back to sleep, usually lots of bouncing rocking or shh'ing is involved too.
I did just dig three sleep sacks out of the closet and started the switch to them today during a nap. Took 45 minutes to get him down and then he only slept for 28 -
@cmomma17: sorry you're having such a bad weekend.
things aren't so great here either - we're in the middle of teething and have had to bounce for naps again *sigh*We did a combination of less time and less bounciness, if that makes sense. So, start bouncing pretty vigorously and then slow down for the last few minutes, then the next nap bounce for less time etc.
For the swaddling, if your LO is fighting the swaddle but not sleeping better unswaddled, I'd try finding a swaddle that's more secure until you're through the regression. We ended up with the slightly insane solution of a swaddle strap under a halo sleep swaddle after she broke out of the miracle wrap. (I cannot tell you how much money we spent trying out all the different swaddles) as soon as we got her in a wriggle-proof swaddle she tarted to sleep better.
I wish I could give you a foolproof sleep solution. Some of us are just cursed with crappy sleepers. *hugs*
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@cmomma17: Sorry - meant to reply to you sooner but got busy over the weekend!
Okay, so putting down drowsy but awake was my husband's doing. It started out with quite a bit of crying, but DH would just stay with her and sing to her/reassure her until the crying died down. Over time the crying lessened and now there usually isn't any. DH was out of town last night so I did bedtime and after I put her down I just sat in the glider and played on my ipad until she was asleep (took about 10 minutes...during which she didn't make a peep). I still nurse back to sleep for MOTN feedings (which are rare these days, thankfully). As for the swing...we just swaddle her arms so that we're able to strap her in!
For daytime naps, I still nurse to sleep/drowsy. Quite often she wakes up during the transfer and she'll cry for like, 10 seconds and then put herself to sleep.
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