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Not to downplay your concerns, but do you really think that when you send your kid off to college in 18 years you will say, "I'm really glad we didn't have a second child because of that breastfeeding issue!"?

I get that it's important to you, and I am planning to breastfeed -- I'm due in 10 days -- and hope not to have to many challenges on that front. But I think it's a little dramatic to base your family planning on that one issue. Babies are cute but they are only babies for so long. Personally, I am also looking forward to seeing how my child develops into an adult, and I don't think formula feeding would severely deteriorate the big picture of parenting.

I guess I'm suggesting that you take the long view.

That sounds really hard. It might get better. The current question is: are you looking for help or someone to tell you it's ok to formula feed? Either is fine!

The question you will need to answer down the road: is it better to have a second baby who is formula fed, or not to have another baby at all?

I hope things get better for you!

There was another thread about family planning and there were some wise spoken: don't make any plans while in the trenches. You have time to figure it all out.

I can relate because I EP'd for 3 months and hated it. Hated all of it. It was ok for a month, and then I started to feel like I was pumping more than enjoying life or even taking time for myself. I couldn't nap because I had to pump. I couldn't watch tv because I had to pump and the volume had to be super loud. I don't think I realized how MUCH i hated it until I stopped. And then i was like, WTF HAVE I BEEN DOING?!

When I think about having another kid, I know, 100%, that I will not EP for 3 months like I did with E. It's not happening. I look back and I think of how stressed I was and how tied to that goddamned thing I was. I couldn't go for walks, I couldn't go to the park, I couldn't take her places because I had to pump and then bottle feed her. It was a huge, huge PITA. But when I think about having another baby and if that is the road we start going down (i hope not, E had some breathing issues that contributed to not being able to BF), I also know that formula is there and that is 150% ok, too! But it has taken me awhile to not feel dread about having #2 and how BFing may go. I just think "ugh" about the whole process. I tortured myself far more than I needed to and I will be kinder to myself the second time around.

FF is much easier than I expected it to be. The logistics are so simple. And I'm of the opinion that if BFing doesn't fit into my lifestyle--me working, me taking my kids places, me *enjoying* life with my children, then it's there and that's fine! There's a reason that so many babies are formula fed nowadays. It goes beyond supply issues. Sometimes our lives are not super conducive to it. I don't feel like I ever missed out on anything, but at 6 weeks postpartum, I may have! i don't remember! But I *PROMISE* you, I have a 10 month old now, and it is all so much water under the bridge. I can't even care now that I didn't or couldn't BF her and I know I'll feel the same about #2! Don't let BFing turn you off from having another baby.

I agree with not making decisions while in the trenches.

I exclusively formula fed my oldest, breast feed and supplemented my twins, then exclusively breast fed my fourth. It's crazy how different each of my journeys have been with each kid. But now looking back (my youngest is 2.5 and has been weaned a year) the bonding is different but equal. I don't feel less bonded to my oldest. In fact I used to love our late night bottle because the house was silent he was calm and I would just look at his sweet little face. Much like it was when I was breastfeeding.

I am so so sorry you are struggling, I remember the early days with my twins when I would feed pump bottle feed, feed pump bottle feed over and over again all day. It is tiring and grueling to say the least. I hope you can overcome the hurdle or come to a decision that you are at peace with.

6 weeks is the worse of the trenches. My pediatrician told me at 6 weeks we would wonder how we would ever survive, and it would get better at 8 (granted she was talking about sleep, but I found it true for most things).

Reevaluate in two years.

@Vegmama: I can completely relate to how you're feeling, right now, and I'm so sorry you're in the trenches. My husband and I live a pretty "natural" lifestyle, and many of our dietary and parenting philosophies could be labeled, "crunchy" (whatever that means, right?). Breastfeeding was immensely important to me, and I had every intention of enjoying a long and exclusive journey, with my child.

As fate would have it, my milk never fully came in. Our daughter experienced rapid weight loss and moderate jaundice during the first few weeks of her life and boy, did we worry. Breastfeeding was a constant battle and I was slowly drowning in guilt. Here was this beautiful, hungry baby with an eager latch, and I had mere drops to offer her. It hurt in a way many people don't understand.

I worked diligently with my wonderful OB and a stellar lactation department, and, like you, created an air-tight nurse/supplement/pump schedule. Once my husband returned to work, I was completely lost on my own. We fumbled with the supplemental nursing system. I never got those after-meal cuddles with my daughter because I had to immediately put her down, and hook myself up to pump. It was an exciting accomplishment to get two ounces, each go. My day was spent obsessing about my miniscule supply, chugging lacation teas, and supplements, and dreading the next feed extravaganza.

My OB finally diagnosed me with chronic low supply, and I made the decision to just wing it. I continued to nurse, giving her whatever I could, and pumped 4x a day. I wouldn't allow myself any more than that, as I knew I was teetering on the edge of sanity. I desperately wanted to enjoy life, and bond with my baby.

I'll admit that I dealt with a considerable amount of guilt, and mourned, a bit. I remember telling my husband that I was afraid of two scenarios with subsequent children - either going through another difficult, and ultimately unsuccessful journey, OR actually being able to EBF, and feeling horribly sorry that I wasn't able to provide my firstborn with the same experience.

It's hard to see beyond these struggles because breastfeeding is often seen as the foundation of your parenting "style". It really doesn't have to be, I assure you. Even after I dried up entirely, our bond remained, and continues to strengthen, at nearly 7 months. My daughter thrived on formula! Even now, when I feed her a bottle, we lock eyes, she grips my finger, and gazes up at me, with a grin.

I apologize for the novel, but your struggles hit me on a personal level, and I want you to know, I really do get it. Hang in there. Whatever you decide, you're a wonderful mother to your daughter, and will be to subsequent children, should you have them.

Having trouble with #1 does not mean you'll have trouble with #2. My mom was unable to breastfeed my older brother but had 0 issues with me and EBF me until 9 months.

But regardless, you'll have a lifetime with any child you choose to have. Breastfeeding is such a short period of life, it would be a shame to make a lifelong decision based on a 1 year struggle.

@Vegmama: For what it is worth, with my three I have had a completely different BF experience with each of mine. DD, number 1, was AMAZING at nursing (my nipples never bled!), DS, number 2, I had all sorts of issues and gave up BFing at 3 months after he was almost labeled "failure to thrive," DS#2 has a much better latch and is gaining weight better than DS#1, but I worry all the time (especially since it has been 6 days since he has pooped ahhh!). So, don't think that because you are struggling this time you will again. And I'm with you, I'm bound and determined to make it work this time! I love nursing my babies and I want a good experience with it.

@Vegmama: Yes, we were majorly supplementing with formula, while I was still nursing.

Since I was pumping between 1.5 and 2 ounces at a time, I would offer about 2.5 ounces of either pumped milk or formula after each nursing session. I just kind of went with the recommended amount for her age. My daughter has always been pretty clear about expressing the need for more, or a feeling of fullness, so I relied on her cues. At the time, I wasn't worried about overfeeding her, because she pretty desperately needed to bulk up.

While I did feel a little defeated, loosening up on my pumping schedule was indeed quite liberating. It was nice to just pack up a nursing cover and some formula, and go on a family outing, without feeling the looming dread to find an electrical outlet every two hours. My kiddo didn't exhibit nipple confusion or a taste aversion, so I guess you could say she was a pretty "ideal" candidate for combo feeding. It worked until it couldn't work, any longer. Eventually, I moved past the disappointment and regret, and just gave myself permission to zero in on what really mattered - our happiness. Breastfeeding is wonderful, and important, but your soul and sanity are even more so, you know?

I'm wishing you all positive things, mama!

Hang in there mama...you're doing a great job and being a mama to a 6 week old is like being on the edge of insanity anyways...regardless of how you are feeding them! I agree with @mae: just because you had difficulty with the first doesn't mean it will be that way for the second! I've heard about a lot of mamas who had low supply with the first and then good supply with the second! And you can still bond when FF....just holding your LO close and being there makes all the difference

@Vegmama: I get it! I was there! It is so hard in the beginning, and honestly for me the hardest part was Bfing, and it really made me not want more kids, it effected my bonding with my daughter, it was so rough. I don't find nursing to be a super bonding. I'm glad I stuck it out, and I'm glad to continue it, for many other reasons, but that is not one of them, so don't let that effect your opinion too strongly, we bond so much more doing other things! You have to choose to do what is best for you and your family, even now, my daughter is EBF but I have made the decision to not stress about my output at work (this is a process still) and to not pump at times that would take away from me spending time with my daughter, because I am ultimately doing this for her, and in my opinion having a happy and present mom is more beneficial than breastmilk. So you sort of just have to make decisions about it continuously through your journey.

Oh and if I have the same difficulties BFing with another child I probably wont stick it out as much, looking back I feel sad about how little time was actually spent enjoying my newborn because I was in so much pain and so stressed about breastfeeding.

@Vegmama: Also are you working with a LC? I don't know much about EPing, but 13oz isn't enough of course, but are you sure you aren't producing enough? The pump is not as effective as baby, but they are not eating a ton at that point either... I think my DD only ate about 2 oz at a time at that age.

@Vegmama: feel free to vent. I had similar thoughts and feelings and those early days are difficult times! Don't worry... you might just feel differently later. I love bfing now and never thought I would. The first few months of baby are rough but everything gets better. My ped nurse tells people to "just survive the first couple months!"