Hellobee Boards

@fryxie: Would he read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"? At least part of it?

How long have you been trying? I wonder if you can compromise (as 30 might feel old to you but honestly it really isn't!)? Like for example: for 6 months just "let it happen" by his rules and see if you wind up pregnant-- lots of people DO get pregnant just by not preventing (I was one of them at 29). But then if that hasn't worked after 6 months you get to try your way being a bit more scientific about it?

My DH was like that the beginning for both babies. But after a few months he was ready to know when I was fertile but not a play by play if you will.

I found it helped to just put more of an effort into getting him into the mood around my fertile period in the beginning without telling him. It can be a long journey so I can definitely understand why he wants to "let it be" at the beginning. It gets very systematic towards the end and takes all the fun out of baby making!

@fryxie: I agree with what @Mae: said.

After I had a MC (the pregnancy was unplanned)...I was ready to try again right away, but DH would prefer some time to make sure our ducks are in a row.

We discussed what was holding him back, and agreed that we'd NTNP and see what would happen for a few months, and then if I didn't get pregnant, we'd start TTC with more effort.

@fryxie: When he says "let it happen", what does he mean? Like don't track your fertility and just have sex whenever?

I noticed that timed intercourse was a bit of a struggle for my DH so eventually I just left him out of it. I would still temp and use OPKs to track ovulation, but I wouldn't bother my DH about it. Instead I would just initiate sex when it was optimal. He has a rather high sex drive so I rarely missed fertile days this way and he felt much better about TTC.

@fryxie: I was 32 when I got pregnant (no known fertility issues though--and not sure about your background) and we are the "just let it happen" type.

But I also have a husband that would be happy to go at it every day, sometimes twice. So the first month we decided to not use some form of birth control, we happened to dtd 10 days in a row and sometimes more than once on those days. And two weeks later, I realized my period hadn't started. Didn't even think to test until I was almost a week past when my period was due.

So if he doesn't want to know when you are ovulating, maybe just make a pact together to have sex every day (or every other day?). It's fun and good for your relationahip if nothing else. =) =) I realize that won't work if you husband isn't up for it that often.

Unless he wants to have sex every day or every other day he should know he could be waisting any months you guys don't time things. 30 is not old by any means but I do think every woman is different. Some women are more fertile at 40 than some 30 year olds. If your mom went through menopause on the earlier side that can also be a reason to start as well as just wanting to get things underway so you have many years to explore other options if need be. I didn't meet my husband until I was 31 and he was only 26 so we waited till I was 34 before we started trying and it was hard to convince him not to wait till 35 like we had originally planned but I had some testing done which moved up our timeline. I am now 36 almost 37 and he knows that time is a waisting! He still doesn't like all the planning but he prefers that to every other day all month long. We have a toddler and it does get exhausting. I hope your husband comes around. I make a huge effort to make things fun for my husband and wear lingerie or do things that make it about us being intimate and not just making babies.

I think that @pui: has a great approach. You can do all of the tracking and not really let him know when you're fertile except for initiating sex. Given the fact that he has a pretty high sex drive compared to you, it shouldn't be much of a problem. Perhaps getting to the bottom of why he doesn't want to track anything might be a good idea too. My thought is that he doesn't want something like last night to happen.

A lot of us know that TTC can be a stressful process. It's a very small window in which you're able to get pregnant, and adding additional pressure to him to perform when he's just not ready may be turning him off. Getting incredibly angry at him for not wanting to BD will likely add to his anxiety about it all. I certainly understand your feelings of urgency around this, but unfortunately, you can't always plan everything.

Are you able to compromise by "just letting it happen" for the next couple of months (like till June maybe) then get more focused?

@fryxie: P.S. If you really want to know where you stand as far as egg reserve, ask your OB for a simple blood test (day 3 FSH). You'll feel better knowing that you're fine, which I'm sure you are!!

All of these stories sound so familiar!

I totally understand as I am going to turn 30 in a couple months. So...DH and I weren't going to start trying until late summer/ fall but we were bit by the "baby bug" and started this month for LO #1. We started off super easy wanting to be blissfully unaware and just BD a ton, but I started doing research and that very quickly changed to OPKs, fertility friend, loosely checking CM, etc which DH still wanted to be suuuupppeeerrr chill.

So I made it super chill for him, which is what I really think he wanted. I let him know when a certain window was about to open and then it was my job to seduce him with lingerie, back rubs, wine--I romanced him! The only problem is that we started way too soon in my cycle (like cd 7, so we were exhausted BD ED until cd 15.)

Anyway, I say romance him. Make it about him and his needs and seriously just having awesome sex. I got my BFP this month, so something went well! Best of luck to you! @fryxie: