So, I had less than easy times 2003-2013. Sudden death of my Dad (he was 49), my mom's ensuing 7 year breakdown, unexpected military activation, financial drama, job loss, infertility, etc. Then I had LO, who didn't sleep for more than 4 hours until she was 18 months and a brutal, thankless job. It wasn't all bad, but I could definitely be counted on to complain about something during that time.
But now? My marriage is going well, I got my MS and made a career move that gave me a better position with more money and LO is in a golden age and so fun. Financially we are only middle to lower middle class but not having money for so long makes that seem more than abundant.
My husband gave me the first spa day of my life this Christmas and it was AWESOME. 
On one hand I am enjoying this new found easy street, on the other I feel so guilty.
Many people in my life are still struggling with job loss, cheating spouses, etc., and that is not to mention the millions world wide who will never have reliable food and shelter.
I just keep thinking about it. Why do I get to live the good life?
I don't know- does anyone else feel this way about their good fortune?
PS- I am not asking for anyone to assuage my first world guilt, I am just wondering if other people feel this ambivalence about achieving some of their goals.
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I think it's normal to have feelings of guilt or jealousy, so I get where you are coming from.
I know that a lot of my good fortune comes from the fact that I was born in a first world country. Had I been born elsewhere in the world, I might not be where I am now. That's not to say that I haven't had a hand in my life's achievements, it's just that I got a pretty awesome start and I am thankful I have been able to pass that on to my son.
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That's so wonderful that things are going well for you right now! I often think about this sort of thing. I haven't really had the types of hardship you have, but I am very aware of how lucky I am. It's not that I didn't work hard for what I have (both in school and investing in worthwhile relationships while cutting out those that were drama)… but I am extremely aware that luck plays a huge role. I'm so lucky I was born here, now, to this family with these values, that I have certain things that come more easily to me, that I happened to meet the people I did, etc.
I don't really feel guilty so much as an obligation to acknowledge my blessings and not take them for granted. I literally make a mental list every single night before bed of all of the things I'm grateful for that day. I feel like the least I can do, having been put in this position, is be grateful and happy for what I have.
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I can relate. I kind of believe everyone goes through good and bad phases in life. My mid-late 20s were terrible. I too suddenly lost a parent and had a few other losses and personal drama. But my 30s have been amazingly good to me and I do sometimes feel guilty, especially since 2-3 of my closest friends are struggling right now. (Not to mention first world guilt...but that's not something we can control.)
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@lizzywiz: you've been through tough times, so you might also feel hesitant about enjoying the good times because you're afraid of if (when!) another tough thing comes along. I totally understand and I've been there! All I can really say is try your best to enjoy every wonderful moment for what it is. I think in this past year I have learned how to appreciate my own happiness and contentment, and it has been priceless. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest and enjoyed!
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Everyone has ups and downs in life. I guess I don't feel guilty that things are going well in my life/our marriage right now. Compared to this time last year, I was at a low not long after having LO thanks to a perfect storm of horrible, hellish events. end of 2012-2013 was an extremely tough time for us. In the past few months, life has improved dramatically with the help of marriage counseling, weight loss, LO's development, etc. I don't feel guilty about life getting better when we had a huge valley I didn't think we would survive from. I'm still super cautious in relation to some of the aspects of what we got through.
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I feel you! When things are going well I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have a hard time enjoying the present!
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I wouldn't say I feel guilty as such when things go well but I am always waiting for things to go wrong. It's hard to enjoy the good times sometimes.
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I get it, part of my guilt is that right now my own life is great (ok, I wish I would hurry up and get pregnant but that is literally my biggest complaint and we haven't been trying long) but meanwhile my mom is just really struggling with life and her solution is to just lash out at everyone else. It sounds terrible but I have kind of made my peace with ignoring her behavior and waiting until she comes around so it doesn't even bug me that much. Yet there is that underlying guilt but I think part of what lets me just enjoy right now is that I know that there will be more ups and downs to come in our future. For me, 2009-2011 were golden years and then 2012-2013 were pretty rough. We just re-entered that great spot and hopefully it can stay that way for awhile.
I guess I can't say much other than, I get it but enjoy it! You deserve to have these lovely times and knowing they come makes the rough times better. I see it as a time to restore those emotional and mental reserves from the rough times and to prepare for those that are to come.
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@Mae: "I don't really feel guilty so much as an obligation to acknowledge my blessings and not take them for granted. I literally make a mental list every single night before bed of all of the things I'm grateful for that day. I feel like the least I can do, having been put in this position, is be grateful and happy for what I have." Love this
@looch: This is so true- I always marvel at the fact I was born in a first world country with the mental and physical capabilities to basically do whatever I want.
@mrs. wagon: @Littlebit: I never thought of it this way but I guess I AM waiting for the other shoe o drop. Hm. Something to work on.
Wise words, Bees! -
I have been through some rough times in the past with a divorce, being laid off from my job, and the break-up of another long term relationship.
Now I'm happily married, we both have good jobs, and we're planning to hopefully start a family fairly soon. I do feel a bit guilty around my friends who are still struggling. I think it's because I know what it feels like to go through a rough patch and I wish that I could do something to make it better for them.
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Nope. After all you have been through, you deserve a break! Don't feel bad. EVERYONE has rough parts and smooth parts in life.
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I can relate, but I don't think you should feel guilty. I find myself sometimes pondering, now that I am leaning more and more towards atheism, why on earth it is that some people endure such suffering, and others do not. Even animals-- nature is so brutal sometimes! But, while it's natural, I think that it is good to enjoy the good fortune we earn or receive, and pass along what we can whenever and whereever possible. I just try to focus on putting good and love out into the world. It feels like saying, "thank you" for the life I am fortunate enough to be living.
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