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Wow, first of all, sorry your son had to go through this. I know my son has had a few instances where a child in his class has had an incident but thankfully it really amounted to throwing things in the class and no one was hurt.

But you have brought up something that I hadn't really thought about. We have also been teaching our kids that if someone, namely their brother, hits you, it doesn't give you the right to hit back. The first person who hits you is the one who is wrong and retaliation is not ok. And in those instances where it's between siblings, I still believe that's the right thing to teach. But now we're in the real world where people don't always play by those same rules.

When they're thing young, I tend to think that maybe your son was right and his teacher is his best weapon. That is genius by the way. But what is the right age or right situation when we start teaching our kids that if someone is hitting you, that you should fight back b/c of self defense? I don't know the answer to that yet and will need to think more about that.

Going back to my first comment above about the kid(s) who have lost it in my kid's classroom, I have tended to cut them a little bit of slack b/c I know that some of them have a hard home life. That isn't to excuse the behavior by any means but more to give a little grace b/c they're children and don't know any better right now.

Sorry I don't have any real advice for you but I look forward to hearing what others have to say.

I do not think 1st grade is too young to talk about protecting ones self. Look into local karate classes. You can start your kid as young as 3.

As a middle school teacher in kind of a rougher area, please, please do not teach your kids to fight back. Please. It morphs SO quickly into them "standing up for themselves" when insulted, etc., bravado, saving face when being threatened, etc. They see a fight as an issue of honor, they see "self-defense" as honorable but really it's just an excuse to fight back **just as hard if not harder**. We have parents come to pick up students who get suspended, and in front of school administrators they criticize their own kids for not fighting back harder and being more prepared (hair tied back, earrings out, backpack off, etc).

My DD is in first grade but last year in kindergarten there was an aggressive kid that she was around a lot. The kid eventually had an adult shadow them at all times. We had a lot of conversations on protecting yourself without "fighting back." We also ended up having a conversation with the school guidance counselor on how to handle a situation because DD was really nervous after she saw a friend get hurt. The counselor had steps that we practiced with DD:

It starts with always loudly saying "STOP! Do not "x"! (hit me, kick me, call me that, etc.) To always let the other person know you do not like what is happening and to (hopefully) alert a teacher or adult nearby. Also, if there are other kids nearby try to tell someone to go get help.

Next, would be to remove yourself from the situation, if possible. Walk or run to the adult currently in charge. If this is not possible and the kid is attacking you physically - protect yourself. Arms up, open palms, and block. (If it's verbal but not physical she knows to just not engage at this point)

Then, if it's physical, and blocking is not enough and an adult has not shown up, they can push the other kid away. This would be if a kid is seriously hitting, kicking, or causing pain - not for poking or other small physical things. The goal would be to push and run. Not start a back and forth, not try to "win" a fight, it's just enough to get away.

DD was only the target once and it was quickly handled by a staff member, so she didn't have to push back. I think it's really important to focus less on fighting back or winning the fight, and more on protecting yourself. I don't think it's ever too early to talk about it.

I'm glad your son wasn't seriously hurt, and I do think it's good he knows his teacher should be the one to handle the situation - ideally an adult will be close by, see what is happening, and stop it quickly. But I would maybe talk through what you would like him to do in the future if the teacher isn't there immediately.

I'm really sorry this happened. My DH and I were talking about something similar recently, not exactly in the context of this sort of physical altercation but more generally. My one year old has been going through an aggressive stage, and we have taught our three year old to use his words to say stop and to be really tolerant of her, not doing anything beyond that. He's very good about it.

A few times we've seen him be literally shoved aside by some aggressive kid at the playground - i.e. this weekend he was so happy steering the toy wheel on one of the structures, this other aggressive kid comes up and shoves him down to use it (no parents supervising), and he just walks off looking so sad. I definitely don't want him getting in physical fights at the playground, no matter how aggressive the other kid is, but I wonder how you also teach your kid that they have to stick up for themselves in some scenarios because there's lots of people out there who will just trample all over you. I was taught to be pretty submissive and non-confrontational as a kid, and sometimes it can really come back to bite me as an adult trying to overcome those habits when someone is trying to take advantage of me. I suggested to my husband maybe this is something best taught when a kid is older and more able to distinguish how to pick your battles, but he thought by then the habit of how you respond is already deeply ingrained...