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Oh geez that would drive me crazy.

I would talk to the parents and just schedule play dates or tell them that you can't have their kid over whenever because of your baby's naps, other commitments, etc.

Could you just answer the door and say sorry, dd is fillintheblank right now, we'll be outside later though! Or something like that. Maybe I'm uptight but I'm reading this post like "what is wrong with this kids parents!!"

This would drive me insane! Can you talk to the girl's mother, letting her know it can't be all the time like this. You have a baby and can't watch her child all day.....this is rude of the parents to let her stay over for that long daily, are they oblivious or don't care that it's rude?

@pinkcupcake: Can't you be the adult and just tell her "Honey its time to go home" and make her clean up, put on her shoes and send her home. Maybe after sending her home after an hour or so for a few times, the mom will realize thats the max you can keep her?

Also, for going outside, just say, "No, we aren't playing outside right now, we are playing inside and if you want to go out, you need to go home and tell your mom that you are going out alone" .

This would drive me insane too.
A friend of mine has an open door policy at her house, there are 5 or 6 neighbor kids that will come and go all day, literally her door is wide open, they eat her food, make a MESS, etc.
She is okay with it, but I would not be.

That said, I'd set some boundaries now with her mom, maybe just certain days and certain times. Like Tuesday/Thursday from 1 to 3. And let her know that you don't want your daughter outside alone, so if her daughter wants to go outside, she can, but she isn't your responsibility at that point? Send a text that lets her know she's outside and not at your house anymore?

AND, I wouldn't want it to balloon and suddenly you're house is like my friend's house. The horror.

Obnoxious! But not the kids fault. I'd go next door and tell he parents you'd appreciate if they didn't send her over every day and you'd prefer they call you in advance to arrange a play date.

My girl's an only and I wasn't expecting friends over (unsupervised surprise visits) until she's well into grade school. But it started as soon as she turned 5. My house was not ready for surprise visits! It's been happening for a few weeks now and it's a total game changer! We had to change our ways quick and now the dishes are put away ASAP We never had unannounced guests before and it's interesting how it drastically changes the logistics of everything! Meal times, buying extra kid-friendly alternatives, juice boxes, and of course cleaning and organizing.

Overall, I'm glad she has friends and I'm glad that they're over, but the adjustment was just something I didn't expect to happen so soon! Another plus is it gives DH and some peace and quiet for a minutes without interruption ... at least until all the loud giggling and poop talks.

@pinkcupcake: not trying to be rude. Just saying I don't understand how you say the child "just will not leave". We have found for friends over they play by our rules (things like we aren't getting that toy out right now, or no playing outside right now, or it's time to go home).

I wouldn't even confront the mom, just handle it yourself.

@pinkcupcake: I feel your pain! I am actively trying to avoid getting into your situation with a neighbor of ours. The little girl is seven, and tends to come over to play whenever she sees me outside with me 5, 3, and not-yet-1 year olds, or my other neighbor with her 2 year old. Her parents are often inside with her young siblings - I almost never see them out, and when the are, they don't leave their front yard (4 houses down from ours). It hasn't happened a ton, but whenever it does, she stays around FOR-EVER, and I feel like I have to supervise their play b/c of the ages of my little one. (and the fact that I don't know the family at all, really, and feel like I'm responsible for the girl if she's on my property). It's one thing to scurry out to the backyard with my girls if she's circling the street on her bike and I'm not up for adding a fourth child to my circus at the moment, but I would be really frustrated if she started coming to the door...which is unfortunately why I've kind of discouraged my kids from wanting to play with her.

To me, at five, a playdate still means the moms come over - unless you are friends with the mom and trade off watching each other's kids, or are helping someone out in an emergency. If you got to know the mom better, would you be ok to have your daughter play at their house sometimes? If the girls like each other and you're open to working towards a more equal situation, maybe you could invite the mom over for coffee and propose some kind of standing playdate for all of you, which could then transition to you two giving each other a break one a week?

I actually agree with @T.H.O.U, I would just direct it at the kid for now.

When she knocks, if you truly don't want her to come in, tell her your daughter can't play and don't let her in. There are two girls in my neighborhood, now about 9 and 8, that always play together. Buts it's always Girl A going over to Girl Bs house. I'd say about 50% of the time when Girl A knocks, Girl Bs dad turns her away. (They live across the street from me and I always see the exchange through our front window). Pretty quickly she'll learn the answer isn't always yes.

Then when she's over, if you've had it, I agree w literally packing her up, walking her outside, and shutting the door behind her. There are a couple boys in my neighborhood near my sons age and he loves playing at their houses (he just turned 4 and I am always w him). If I let him, he would stay there all day. So I think it's normal for her to never *want* to leave. But it's your house so kick her out whenever you want!

Personally, I wouldn't go the route of confronting her parents (but maybe bc I hate confrontation!)... or scheduling set play dates. Sooo much of our kids lives are structured and planned nowadays, there is almost something romantic about unstructured neighborhood play. There's not much left like when we grew up anymore... I think it's special. Just don't be afraid to say no on days you can't deal.

@T.H.O.U.: I would handle it the same as you. When our neighbor kids want to come over I freely say yes or no, not today. I also kick them out with a five minute warning. I'm sure if I trained them to clean up they either would or they would leave in a flash. DDis an only child so I definitely don't want to chase them away for good. They are sweet. I don't want to ever bring anything up to their parents unless it was an injury. When one of them ask for food every twenty minutes I just say no. I also teach manners. It's like raising a village.

I'm sort of on the opposite side of this, my 3 year old adores her neighbours who are 5 and 2.5. She literally looks out the window waiting for them to get home and then begs to go outside. Since she's only 3 I am outside with her, but I'm sure the mom might get a bit annoyed that anytime she takes her girls out we appear. It makes my daughter so happy to play with the neighbours though so I'd be pretty crushed if the mom told her or me that she didn't like it.

Also on the other end I can understand that it's not always a matter of just saying no to the other child when they ask. When we're coming home from somewhere and the neighbours ask to play my 3 year old again is devestated if I say no. So I can imagine it would be a similar situation if they rang the door bell.

@pinkcupcake: What if you start setting a timer? Tell her she can stay and play for 30 minutes and when the timer goes off, send her on her way. Kids for sure do not get subtlety or hints so you just have to be extremely direct.

I'd be direct with the kid for now. But I was an elementary teacher and don't mind bossing kids around haha. Much rather tell a kid no and set the rules with the kid than risk offending a parent and think of polite ways to say xyz. I'd only go to the parent if the kiddo doesn't cooperate. The parents seem pretty hands-off anyway and probably would not mind at all that you would communicate with the kid directly.

I would just start sending her home after an hour every time.