I recently noticed that my 6 year old is doing a lot of new things to keep things “even”. She’s switching which hand she eats with for every bite or is holding the spoon with both hands. She rubs her elbows and ankles together periodically. I asked her about this today and she told me it’s because if she has two of something (arms, hands, etc), she doesn’t want them to feel left out of feeling what the other is feeling. The behaviors seem to be automatic, not something she’s thinking about intentionally like “oh, this elbow just itched, let me scratch the other.” How concerned should I be about this? She doesn’t seem to have any other behaviors I’d be concerned about, this kind of need for evenness doesn’t show up anywhere else that I can tell. She’s a very happy kid, doing well at school, no big changes recently, nothing that I would point to as a reason for anxiety so I’m wondering how worried I should be and what to even do next if this is a concern. They have counselors at school so would that be a route to go? Do I need to take her to a therapist? Thanks for any advice.
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Based on what you’ve described, especially that she is happy and doing well, I personally would just keep an eye on it and not give it too much attention yet. If things escalate at all you could then make an appointment with a child psychologist and see what they think. My 4 year old has diagnosed anxiety with OCD tendencies - specifically reassurance seeking / repetitive questions. Addressing the underlying anxiety about certain things (by working with a therapist) has helped reduce the OCD-like behavior. Perhaps your daughter is just super creative and this is just a random idea she came up with that will pass...
(That said I am definitely *not* an expert... and really really love working with our psychologist. Before we brought our child along I was able to talk to her on my own and run our situation by her to see if it was something she could help with. If this is worrying you then it would not hurt at all to reach out to someone and see what they think.)
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I only know this because I’ve noticed some rituals in my own six year old, but my husband said that rituals like that can be very normal for kids that age. Basically you should watch it and if the rituals start to take a long time, take up a lot of her day, or become disruptive it’s a sign it’s more than what is considered typical.
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@Silva @Charlotte: thanks! I think what concerns me most is how automatic this is for her, almost like a tick. And it came seemingly out of nowhere. I did some googling and it doesn’t seem like any of this is because it’s helping her soothe, necessarily, but it just seems like her brain just reshuffled now she’s doing things like eating or scratching, etc.
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@Mrs. Carrot: I can remember doing similar things- like if I chewed several times on the right side, trying to chew on the left. If I stepped on a crack with my left foot, I’d step with my right on the next crack. I don’t recall it ever being related to anxiety or soothing or anything, just something did. And I probably was fairly anxious and slightly depressed sometimes but definitely not anything serious. I still do it sometimes without thinking about it.
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I definitely did this as a kid, and it was always making even numbers so things wouldn’t be lonely. I was probably in 2nd grade/8 when I outgrew it.
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@Becky: @Foodnerd you're making me feel better, thank you. She's an only child and I've definitely noticed more conversation about wanting playmates and wanting more company, so the theme on loneliness tracks. Thank you both!
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@Mrs. Carrot: That’s an interesting connection (with being an only child). I’m not FWIW. What she’s doing is super common though—don’t be worried!
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@Mrs. Carrot: ha I’m the middle of five kids so no shortage of siblings for me! And I’m not neat or anything like that.
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My son (almost 4) has to complete holding the entire bannister when we walk down the stairs at his school. Like, he will get to the bottom step and still have to follow the bannister with his hand to the end part where it makes a loop. He also won’t step on cracks in the sidewalk. My pediatrician said it’s normal.
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I totally did this as a kid, too. I have actually wondered on occasion why my kids don't, since I thought it was a normal part of childhood!
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Oh yes, I did this even-thing as well. Like all the way through elementary school if I recall correctly. And I had loads of siblings, so it isn't just an only child thing.
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@Foodnerd81: this thread just reminded me I also used to make sure chewing sides were always even! Kids are funny
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I think we all have some little autonomic ticks like this (like, not turning the car radio volume on an odd number).
We've been noticing some major compulsive/controlling behavior in our kiddo (5.5 years old), and our doc has told me again and again that unless it's disrupting her routine or sleep, then it's likely not an issue.
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