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I have three. Love them to death!

Three is a lot harder than 2. Like taking any of my two kids out is a breeze (they are 5,3,1) but all three is a juggle. I do it constantly so it’s fine. But two eyes, two hands, three kids. I would recommend three for sure.. but it’s more work. BUT you also become more chill, so it works out haha. It adds chaos to the house, which we love and wanted. We both came from homes with three kids so it’s what we knew/wanted.

Good luck whatever you decide!

ETA: I think it’s just a hard phase currently because the one year old is super busy and can’t walk. So I always have him in my arms.

@LindsayInNY: 1-2 for us was tough b/c DD1 was only 2. So I am just imagining that while the chaos will be more, it also won't be AS bad as DD1 will be 5 and DD2 will be 3. For you, at least I'd say DD1 will be self sufficient and also helpful.

For us, the "can't do anything" part is more money related; I was excited to take the chunk we were paying for 2 in daycare for vacations, etc but now I am going right back to 2 in daycare for another 2 years Plus I wasn't paid for my last 2 maternity leaves, AND I'm the breadwinner so having babies always meant tougher finances for our family. At least this time with the NY Act I finally get half pay!

And also just little things like no one will need naps, no one in diapers, easier to go on longer day trips and also overnight trips, and really enjoying things instead of worrying about who needs to be fed, who needs changing, packing giant diaper bags, etc haha. I guess all these is b/c I have them 2 years apart so I felt like I had 2 babies for a while.

We didn't want 3 until we had DS2 and realized there was no way we were done! Ours are 2 years 9 months apart but we are waiting to have #3 for a few reasons - settling into a new house ($$), I have a few trips to Zika areas in February and March and the new maternity leave law that is going into effect in January 2020 in MA (so basically trying to wait to give birthday after January 2020). I will be almost 37 when I start trying, which does bug me and make me want to start trying now... but I know it is better to wait. Plus I think it would be nice to have a 6 year old and a 3.5 year old if the timing works out.

I say go for it if you are on the fence!

@LindsayInNY: I have a very similar life set up to you except I have to commute from the NJ suburbs into manhattan every day, otherwise same age same kids same size forever house, etc. I've had this conversation a lot with @agold and other women on here and in real life. I come from 3 and my husband comes from 5 (!)--there is always something a tiny bit sad to me about stopping at one or two kids, like three sounds so full and happy, doesn't it? But we are leaning towards stopping at two because our capacity for chaos and disorder is pretty low. like how @Mrs. Champagne: got more chill--I think I'm so uptight I'd just become kind of perpetually grouchy from feeling stretched so thin, which I already do. the other factor is money, we spend almost 60k a year on childcare right now and we'd kind of like for the bloodletting to stop at some point. like you guys, we're giving away all our baby gear as our daughter outgrows it, and it makes me sad, but I think it's the right thing for our family, at least. I will say that literally EVERYONE I know who was like, "maybe #3, maybe not, we'll see what happens", fertility problems or not, did end up having an oops baby, some NTNP so not that oopsy, and some seriously surprised. No one wants to give back the baby though

@Mrs. Champagne: also for us 3 has been a lot more than 2. Part of that is I solo a lot but it has made for a hectic year. I wouldn’t change it though, I wanted 3 since the day #2 was born.

Mine are now 7.5, 4.5 and almost 1. (Had the baby at 37.) I’m torn about the age gap, it’s just where we ended up due to a loss. On the one hand it’s awesome - only one in diapers, I can leave the older two alone to play (or middle alone to play) while I nurse etc. I can’t imagine another kid who needs constant supervision. And it’s super fun to have them older and able to really help (esp one who was 6). The downside is the scheduling is more crazy as kids get older. Even though you probably feel like you need to rush in it might be an option to wait and see in another year. My SIL had her second at 41 and they had a really hard time having the first so you never know if it will be an issue.

Eta I never felt I had PP rage-y stuff with my first two. Third, definitely. Three is a lot more chaos.

I think you should just go with your gut!

Personally you couldn't pay me a hundred million dollars to have a third child. Every single day I wake up and tell my husband, "I'm so glad we're done having kids". The stress was so unbearable. It costs me some career opportunities I will never get back. Daycare and preschool costs here in New York are outrageous. Traveling, which I used to love, is on hold for a few years. Many things I used to enjoy I can no longer do. Helping the kids pay for college is almost out of the question. Our house is too small. (And I have good, pretty easy kids and wonderful pregnancies.)
But that's just me lol sorry that was negative! It's been soooo hard with 2 kids.

I think the things that give me greatest pause are:

1) The odds that something truly debilitating happens that completely disrupts life goes up the more kids you have - i.e. one of the kids having very serious health, disability, behavioral, mental health issues, or god forbid something truly awful like having a child die unexpectedly or commit suicide. I know it sounds dark, but it's also not uncommon, so you have to acknowledge that there's a real risk of bad stuff happening if you want to make a fully informed decision. Of course, could happen with just one LO too, but as you add more kids to the mix you are increasing the odds of experiencing something really, really challenging with one of them. This honestly looms pretty large in my mind.

2) Three teenagers in the house at once People on hellobee worry a lot about the exhaustion of having three little ones, all super valid concerns. I know it would be super hard, but that I could ultimately survive this. But dealing with the emotional turbulence of three (potentially rebellious!) teenagers at once, not so sure

3) My husband and I both have fairly demanding jobs and I worry about being spread too thin and selling the kids short.

4) I get super sick during pregnancy, vomiting multiple times per day and constantly nauseous well beyond first tri. It's definitely been worse the second time around and I hear it gets worse with every pregnancy. When you think about it, life is short, and feeling like shit for nine months is not a small cost. Plus I haven't had time for hardly any self care since parenthood started, and if we were to go for three it would be i think years before I could get back into a good groove with that. And giving up more job opportunities yada yada yada, In short, the time costs are not low.

It's something I think about a lot. LO2 is still cooking, but I don't respond well to hormonal birth control - and as @LCTBQE: says, fertile myrtle or not, people who are like "eh, probably done, but not ready to decide for sure yet" always seem to end up with an oops So I feel like we should either take permanent measures, or be fully on board with having a third, fairly soon after the second arrives....

Take this with a grain of salt because I am only 4 weeks into having a 3rd child and I am in the throes of living with a newborn, lots of feedings, waking in the night, etc, so I am very tired. DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 18 months. A lot of people who had three kids told us it's an easy transition and that the third kid just kind of gets mixed into the chaos. So far, a month in, I do not think this is true. The transition from 2-3 over the past month has been really challenging for me, way harder than 0-1 or 1-2. DS3 isn't a difficult baby but there is very small age gap between DS2 and DS3 and that makes it very hard. DS2 is only a year and a half and he's very clingy. Plus, not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I most days I was great at having 2 kids. We had a schedule, I was super confident taking them places, we did fun things, we got out of the house every day (I SAH). Our world has been rocked a bit by the third one. Again, I really think that this has to do with the age gap so my recommendation would be to wait a little longer. Maybe ask me again in a year and I'll say it wasn't that bad, but right now it's tough. That being said I can't imagine not having our third little guy! We were undecided and then I accidentally got pregnant. I think we ultimately would have had a third, but it really does feel like our family is complete.

@LadyDi: I SAH too and eventually you’ll get back into the groove of going out and about again and the third will nap on the go. Good luck!

@LadyDi: Yes! I was sort of annoyed when I came back to work after mat leave, was super exhausted, and colleagues with teenage/college kids would say "little kids, little problems; big kids big problems, enjoy them while they're easy", or something to that affect. Then I heard what the big problems were and sheesh, yeah, I'll take the sleep deprivation and bf woes....

I hope things get easier with the third soon - you are doing awesome!

@pachamama I feel you. you couldn't pay me a million dollars to have a third kid. (OK, well, maybe so - LOL). We have majorly struggled w/two with no family support. I am stressed, exhausted and ragey all the time. But people seem to make it work all the time!

All of these responses are awesome. I am still really not sure what we will end up doing. But I am getting rid of baby things right and left. I figure that if we have a 3rd baby, that will be our cheapest baby ever. That kid will not need the overwhelming amount of clothes I currently have in my house. But, my low tolerance for chaos .. (I love this term from @LCTBQE:) my low tolerance remains strong. So I'm just not sure i can do it. Childcare is mostly my issue. Hard to find people to watch my two kids without paying boatloads. I can't imagine a third. Also, we are considering full private school education. Yikes. Also, vacations. Also, cars. We just bought a small car and may consider getting another smaller next year. Alas, I'm still 8% into the game of having a 3rd. We'll see! ETA: these are all such "temporary" problems. So I'm trying to look ahead and see what those problems will be. Also, you have to consider that you will likely have a third girl. For me, the more girls the merrier, so the desire to have a boy isn't so huge. But then again, three girls, yikes!

@LindsayInNY: Ha! Just a little bit. We aren't using formal birth control. Cycles aren't regular yet. So I am just trying my best to sort of prevent.

@LindsayInNY: I didn't get mine back with DS1 until we started weaning from BFing. I want to say around 14 months? I do the same thing, I'll start talking to DH about wanting another then have to rein myself back in LOL.

@agold: my dad swears it's physically impossible to have 2 girls then a boy... If you have 2 girls and have a third it will be a third girl 🤣 He says this because him and 4 of his friends have 3 girls, and they always joked they were going to start a softball league 🤦‍♀️🙄

I've not even had my 2nd yet, but I'm already redoing to decide if this is it or if we'll go for 3. I know I have tons of time, but I also want to know by the time I'm 35 weeks with no experience of having 2 kids let alone 3 because I want my tubes out in my c section.

All of these answers have been very helpful though.

@Sams Mom: Someone in my family also says this exact thing! That there is no way for the third to be a boy after having two girls. That's so funny. And I know that's highly likely the case. So if we have a third, it will be becuase our first two girls are kick ass girls and we wouldn't mind having one more girl in the mix. Me, personally, I don't have a strong desire for the boy. If we had one, it would be so fun for for the baseball aspect with my husband. But my family is so girl girl girl, that one more girl would just be that.

@Becky: Thanks for pointing that out. Yes, I feel like I'm just crawling out of the fog of having a second. It was a tough year! But at 14 months now, I can see the light. I'm trying to decide if I want to go back into the black hole again!

This has been on my mind lately after having DD2 (she’s 6 weeks old). My heart really wants a third but I don’t know if I can mentally handle the chaos and my husband says he’s done.

These responses were helpful to read through!